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Old 02-09-2016, 01:48 PM
 
Location: SW MO
23,593 posts, read 37,344,060 times
Reputation: 29336

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Quote:
Originally Posted by JasperJade View Post
The OP was complaining about what he sees as disdain for men over 35 who don't live alone.

Many of the women here are explaining why they would not want to date a man in that situation.

As with any thread where someone puts forth a circumstance many find to be undesirable and questions why, those who find it undesirable will come along and explain why--and then all the people in that particular circumstance will get butt-hurt and defensive because they take it personally. It happens on threads about people who are virgins past a certain age, single parents, or not well off, too.

Thing is, we all have potential dealbreakers in our life situation. But unlike some people, I'm not going to get all defensive because there are men out there who would not date someone with mine. Please, to read this forum, a woman my age should just go join a convent or jump off a cliff simply for living past 40!
Quite correct and I find all sides interesting, just not arguable as opposed to debatable.

As for convents and cliffs, you're still correct and I find that view ridiculous. Forty is still young and for most, vibrant. I was 50 when I asked my, now, wife out for the first time after knowing her for five years. I assumed she was about 43 at most. Turns out she was just turning 48. Upon learning that I immediately responded that she was the youngest looking 48-year old I ever knew. At the time she'd been divorced/single for 18 years and did not have a favorable outlook on men in general. Guess I changed that as we've been married for going-on 20 years.

Hmm! I was well over 35 and living alone in a nice home. Perhaps that's what did it. Shortly prior I'd been living in a downtown, studio apartment having been knocked to my knees financially by a divorce two years earlier. However, I didn't have a car as mine had died a few days before my former marriage did. I likely would have fallen into the "do not date zone" then. As I posted above, there are all sorts of circumstances. Age shouldn't necessarily be one of them.
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Old 02-09-2016, 01:51 PM
 
Location: Moose Jaw, in between the Moose's butt and nose.
5,152 posts, read 8,500,326 times
Reputation: 2038
Quote:
Originally Posted by mishigas73 View Post
And there are other places to live besides the city proper.
Well how far out? In the case of Boston, you'd most likely for just moderately expensive would have to live in Providence or Worcester, which if you work anywhere east of Rt 128, is a commute from hell.
If you value free time, then good luck living there on your own and making it dollar wise
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Old 02-09-2016, 01:55 PM
 
Location: Moose Jaw, in between the Moose's butt and nose.
5,152 posts, read 8,500,326 times
Reputation: 2038
Quote:
Originally Posted by mishigas73 View Post
Why are you trying to make this a gender issue? "Latent prejudice"? Seriously?

It's about personal preference, plain and simple.
You're living in fantasy land if you think most men care if a older woman has their own place in at least a pretty expensive city, just like the other way around.
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Old 02-09-2016, 01:56 PM
 
930 posts, read 697,528 times
Reputation: 1040
Quote:
Originally Posted by beenhereandthere View Post
Well how far out? In the case of Boston, you'd most likely for just moderately expensive would have to live in Providence or Worcester, which if you work anywhere east of Rt 128, is a commute from hell.
If you value free time, then good luck living there on your own and making it dollar wise
I live one of the fastest growing real estate markets in the country where salaries haven't even come close to keeping up with COL increases. It's very common here for people to have roommates, especially in their 20s and 30s. Unless you live in an area like this, it's going to be very difficult to comprehend.

IMO, that's vastly different than being a mooch living with your parents because you have zero ambition.

Don't sweat it.
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Old 02-09-2016, 02:00 PM
 
6,304 posts, read 8,981,142 times
Reputation: 8149
Quote:
Originally Posted by beenhereandthere View Post
Well how far out? In the case of Boston, you'd most likely for just moderately expensive would have to live in Providence or Worcester, which if you work anywhere east of Rt 128, is a commute from hell.
If you value free time, then good luck living there on your own and making it dollar wise
Well, I know Seattle intimately- and know that once you get out of the city proper, rents go down precipitously (for the most part). As far as I'm concerned, having somewhat of a commute is worth not living with a roommate.

It's about priorities (as well as availability of transit, and such).

My take on it is this: if someone chooses to live in a higher rent area with roommates, that's their prerogative, as it is mine not to spend any real time at their place.
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Old 02-09-2016, 02:00 PM
 
14,294 posts, read 13,136,811 times
Reputation: 17797
Quote:
Originally Posted by beenhereandthere View Post
Well how far out? In the case of Boston, you'd most likely for just moderately expensive would have to live in Providence or Worcester, which if you work anywhere east of Rt 128, is a commute from hell.
If you value free time, then good luck living there on your own and making it dollar wise
That is nonsense. Somerville is super cheap. My place in Stoneham was very reasonable. Amnd Billerica is still on the commuter line. EASY buses as far as Manchester NH, with a lot of practically rural towns in NH in between.
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Old 02-09-2016, 02:01 PM
 
6,304 posts, read 8,981,142 times
Reputation: 8149
Quote:
Originally Posted by beenhereandthere View Post
You're living in fantasy land if you think most men care if a older woman has their own place in at least a pretty expensive city, just like the other way around.
Those dang wimmenz.
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Old 02-09-2016, 02:04 PM
 
1,881 posts, read 1,476,663 times
Reputation: 4533
Quote:
Originally Posted by beenhereandthere View Post
And again, there is a difference between men over 35 having roommates, in NYC, LA, SF or Boston, then there is in say, Kansas City, Milwaukee, Oklahoma City and Cleveland (places with COL average or below).
I live in one of the most expensive parts of the country, the D.C. metro area. I have a good deal because I'm paying less than $2,000 a month for a 740 sq. ft. 1BR. It's a steal because the building is slightly older than others in this area, where you'd pay $2,100-2,300 for less than 700 sq. ft. and similar amenities.

Of course I could live further out, or in a part of Arlington that isn't near a metro, and pay lower rent, but then I'd need a car, so it's really six of one, half dozen of the other financially. In terms of stress, however, oh, heck no. I'd rather deal with some of the issues of living in an urban situation (street noise, the moron I just had to report to the police for shining his flashlight over at our building from across the way, the idiot drunk girlfriend of the guy upstairs--who the landlord appears to have effectively shut up with a very stern talking to and the threat of a fine and termination of the lease) than drive anywhere inside the Beltway, deal with parking, pay for gas, insurance, and maintenance, and just, no.

I could also live in East Bumfrick, Iowa and pay less than half as much rent for a place twice as large, and be considered wealthy, but I'd slit my wrists out of boredom in an area like that.

Point is, some of us would rather pay more to enjoy our privacy in an area we consider safe and convenient than have roommates. And we'd gravitate toward prospective partners who similarly value their privacy. And that's okay. Doesn't make us "easily annoyed" or afflicted with any other negative character traits as some here might imply.

I don't think this is gender-specific, either. I don't know any 50-something men who would feel comfortable staying at a woman's place if she had roommates. I'm sure they're out there, but I don't know any, myself.
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Old 02-09-2016, 02:14 PM
 
8,012 posts, read 8,175,343 times
Reputation: 12159
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ View Post
It's possible a lot has changed in 13 years (so I'm allowing for that) but last I dated, at the age of 34, I think any date of mine would have passed out if I'd said I lived with my mother. (I didn't, of course. I lived on my own entirely self-supported at the age of 20.)

If I had happily announced, however, that I lived with Mom and Dad, it would have been red flag, red flag, red flag all over the place...not just the money issue but the need/want to remain that attached to Mommy and so on...we're not talking "independence" financially here even so much as emotional reliance, fear of leaving home, overattachment, lack of drive and so on...I mean I can say this definitively. I would not have been asked out again.

Would have been all but unheard of and I have heard many a man say today that it's weird when a woman in her 30s lives with the parents, for a whole host of reasons.

I'm pretty surprised I don't see more guys on this thread weirded out at such a thought...you go out with 35+-year-old women who live with Mom? You don't think twice about that? About how she doesn't feel like supporting herself and/or doesn't mind a bit having Mommy looking over her shoulder, knowing when she goes out, when she comes in, etc., etc as if she were still 14? And gong to pick her up, you have to meet Mom sitting there at the table...? When you both are older than 35-ish? Really?

Different worlds, maybe? I don't know.
You have no idea. Some guys are desperate and thirsty and simply don't care about things like that. All that matters is does she look hot.

Guys who aren't starving for female attention will have higher standards.
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Old 02-09-2016, 02:17 PM
 
30,907 posts, read 32,875,433 times
Reputation: 26919
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ro2113 View Post
You have no idea. Some guys are desperate and thirsty and simply don't care about things like that. All that matters is does she look hot.

Guys who aren't starving for female attention will have higher standards.
Maybe you're right.

Honestly, this is going to sound very Groucho Marx of me ("I'd never belong to any club that would have me as a member!") - but: if I had been living at home in my late 30s and some guy had been knocking down my (mom's) door to go out with me, I might wonder what was wrong with him.

"Have some standards!" (JerZ slams door in dates' face) (JerZ's mom screams "JerZ, I've been telling you for 37 years NOT to slam that door! Now come get some dinner, you're going to faint dead away from that horrible diet you're always on! Wipe your feet.")

p.s. I had tried to delete my post that you quoted above as I realized I was answering the wrong idea - the person I quoted was speaking of roommates v none, not parents' home v. roommate or entirely independent living situation.
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