Why do too many women still look at American Men over 35, who don't have their own place like a scarlet letter? (Chinese, children)
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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jade408
In the Bay Area, if you are a newcomer, having roomies is very common, even if you make $100k+ Rents are pretty ridiculous these days. If you make under $100k you definitely have roommates. The cost of living is beyond ridiculous.
Yeah, I lived with a guy and a girl in San Francisco when I was in my late 30s. We all did fine financially, all professionals, everyone had roommates. The other option was going over to Oakland or way out there. No thanks.
Thankfully I don't tend to date women that wear any make up so they're not so concerned about their privacy and not being seen without it. LOL.
Luck plays a big role too! You are right. I had the luck to get an inheritance right when the market was low. By the way I don't know that it's good luck as I lost a family member. I rather have had her than her money. But with that turn in my life I was able to make another and buy a house. I think it was smart of me to buy when I did and where I did but I can't really take credit for being able to buy.
My boyfriend had bad luck with the divorce and ending up with the house that had tenants in it. So he had no home not because of anything he did wrong it was just how things worked out.
You could have taken that inheritance, bought a sports car, taken a bunch of elaborate vacations, and spent the rest in clubs and restaurants. It's not luck that you chose to manage the money that landed in your lap wisely.
I think it has to do to achieve some independence after all. On my country, now they are trying to see that as well, a couple of years it was okay to live with your parents if you are still single, now it´s like a secret with a lot of voices: you need to have your own bachelor pad.
But I don´t think it has to be an "scarlet letter" everbody is different and has different takes on the matter, but usually on the US you get out of your house when you go to college therefore you want that to continue. Here is not like that, you go to college and get out of your parents house when you get married.
However, as I said, things are getting different now. If you have your own place, those are bonus points.
Nope nope and nope. There is no excuse for being an adult lacking in independence and even an attempt to provide for and look after oneself. That's not functional adulthood.
Lots of people are forced to live with family because the alternative is homelessness. I guess you haven't heard of how terrible the economy is.
(Few never-marrieds own a house, and most of those are men, thanks to a real estate market that since the mid-1970s has catered to two-income households. That is the reason the cost of housing is so completely out of whack.)
This is the case with me, 60 years old, after being kicked to the curb in 2008 by an employer that broke the law.
I would NEVER even date a man over 30 who did not have his own place (exception being that he was living with his kids) because I frankly cannot think of any except the following reasons for it, none of which would appeal to me:
1. If he was living with one or more non-family women, I would suspect a "friends with benefits" type of situation.
2. If he was living with one or more non-family men, I would suspect him of being either bisexual or gay.
3. If he was living with one or both parents or another relative, I would think that his parent(s) would be too dependent on him and/or he would be too dependent on them.
4. That he had made VERY unwise job and/or financial decisions and was unable to afford his own place.
5. That he had some kind of disability (mental and/or physical) that made it either impossible or very difficult for him to live on his own.
However, as others have said, I would make an exception if it was a VERY temporary situation (meaning less than a month) due to a fire at his previous residence or staying with a friend or relative outside of his town while he looked for a job and/or a new place there, for example.
P.S. Btw, I hold women over 30 to the same standards as those above! I have NEVER had a roommate after I was 18 except for my boyfriend or husband, and had never even considered doing so.
How ignorant is this post? This says everything about you and nothing about the people you so condemn. You better hope some employer doesn't kick you to the curb, especially after age 50, because it is virtually impossible to get back in the employment game ever again.
Despite all the back and forth, it all boils down to independence. Since this question referenced women, I think most are looking to ensure they're not dating someone who is looking for a mommy replacement. No one wants to be a parent to their partner, because that person doesn't know how to be an adult, cook, clean, do laundry, be responsible for bill-paying, caring for their dwelling, etc.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,893,331 times
Reputation: 40634
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011
Despite all the back and forth, it all boils down to independence. Since this question referenced women, I think most are looking to ensure they're not dating someone who is looking for a mommy replacement. No one wants to be a parent to their partner, because that person doesn't know how to be an adult, cook, clean, do laundry, be responsible for bill-paying, caring for their dwelling, etc.
Which are all things one needs to be responsible for when one has roommates. Even more so sometimes than living alone, because when alone its easy to leave dishes in the sink (etc), while that's not ok when one has roommates.
Which are all things one needs to be responsible for when one has roommates. Even more so sometimes than living alone, because when alone its easy to leave dishes in the sink (etc), while that's not ok when one has roommates.
It seems like the general consensus here (with the exception of a few women) that roommates are okay (depend on where in the country you live)... the "scarlet letter" the OP speaks of is more for men living with their parents (and even that seems to have exceptions such as for men taking care of an elderly parent, etc). The derision is primarily saved for those lazy guys who mooch off their parents as long as they can. And let's face it, no one admires them... men or women.
I don't think the "red letter" is as bad as some men think. I really think men are harder on themselves when it comes to these things than women are. Men just think they know what women are thinking/judging when, in a lot of cases, they are projecting. It's just like those guys who are obsessed with their looks because they think all women are into looks when in reality they are the ones with a hangup on their looks... or those guys obsessed with their money because they think all women look at their wallets when in reality they have a hang up with money... this is just another facet of the same thing.
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