Dating advice for those women (how to, love, call, definition)

[Metlakatla]

who are considering moving to Alaska to bag a man.

1. First of all, do not make a bad name for yourself by appearing to be "too easy". Of course I think we all know that, but up North the definitions are a bit different.

You can, for instance, get a bad name around town simply for being seen stuck in the ditch too many times.

It is common knowledge among the males in rural Alaska that any woman with her truck in the ditch is a bit anxious for male attention. To avoid being the talk of the coffee shop, be circumspect before you plunge your truck into the ditch.


More to come.

[crbcrbrgv]

Originally Posted by Metlakatla

who are considering moving to Alaska to bag a man.

1. First of all, do not make a bad name for yourself by appearing to be "too easy". Of course I think we all know that, but up North the definitions are a bit different.

You can, for instance, get a bad name around town simply for being seen stuck in the ditch too many times.

It is common knowledge among the males in rural Alaska that any woman with her truck in the ditch is a bit anxious for male attention. To avoid being the talk of the coffee shop, be circumspect before you plunge your truck into the ditch.


More to come.

Because obviously every man in Alaska wants to plunge his truck into a lady's ditch....

[Metlakatla]

2. Know your man.

I have had quite a few Alaskan men tell me that they really don't know how to convey to a woman that they are interested in her, because they don't want to come off like the last ten guys who hit on her. So sometimes their strategies are a bit unusual.

Take George, for instance, who has already been discussed in another thread. Shy and self effacing, George simply doesn't have the self confidence to approach a woman until he's halfway into a bottle of blackberry brandy. Since his picture is on the Post Office wall, he keeps an eye on that situation by hiding in his truck behind the Post Office. From that vantage point he can see any Troopers coming up the highway and can utilize his mating call in the event that any women come up to check their mail.

His mating call invariably goes as follows: "Metlakatla! You *****! You're mean! No wonder you don't have a man you're MEAN. I gotta quarter bottle of brandy left are ya thirsty ya *****!".

I don't know how often this approach actually works but George isn't able to go driving around much because of those pesky Troopers and the matter of that warrant, so he isn't able to do much looking for ladies in the ditch.

[Metlakatla]

3. The Los Vegas Showgirls


Darlene decided to alleviate the winter doldrums by throwing a pajama and tie dye party for all of the women in the little town of Nowhere, Alaska. Since her cabin didn't have indoor plumbing, she asked for and received permission from the owner of the local saloon to have the party there.

Excited and full of the party spirit, Darlene and her sister made up four flyers to tack up in various places around the town, inviting all of the women of the community to attend the pajama and tie dye party. She put them in the coffee shop, the saloon, the church and on the Post Office wall.

About thirty minutes after they were posted, in the pitch black of 3:00 PM, a man by the alias of Paul skulked into the Post Office after making sure there were no other trucks in the parking lot. Stealthily, he removed his wanted poster from the wall and then Darlene's flyer caught his eye.

"Well if it ain't manna from heaven" he muttered to himself. "Lingerie girls at the saloon on Saturday night....musta got 'em from Vegas".

Paul quickly snatched the flyer off the wall. No sense in having the other fellows know about the Las Vegas showgirls.

He quickly felt in his pockets to see if he had enough change to take a shower at the gas station on the day of the show, and drove off whistling in his truck on the way back to his cabin.

[Tzaphkiel]

OMG i love this woman's posts!!!! I want to buy the book!!! I actually woke up this morning laughing about Metklatatas posts on C-D, and hoping I would get to read some more! You have to write a column and put me on your distribution list

ROFL

[Tzaphkiel]

I think we should all chip in and buy a ticket for Stacy K to visit Alaska and do a promotional tour.

[verynicebecky]

lol...i'm reading. keep posting!

[Twinkle Toes]

Yep. I think I'm gonna git a ticket and git me an Alaskan man too! I'd bring Stacy with me, but she's gotta promise to keep her phalanges to herself!!!

[Tzaphkiel]

Originally Posted by Twinkle Toes

Yep. I think I'm gonna git a ticket and git me an Alaskan man too! I'd bring Stacy with me, but she's gotta promise to keep her phalanges to herself!!!

She might be too busy chasing after Lindsay McFarren to want to sit with you on the barge.....

[Jefetio]

Originally Posted by DimSumRaja

I think we should all chip in and buy a ticket for Stacy K to visit Alaska and do a promotional tour.

hahahahaha I'm pretty sure she's got eyes only for lindsey..... us alaskan men don't need any more buffalo girls breaking our hearts

my advice to any woman considering alaska, make sure you are coming here for alaska, not for the men