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I really think this can be remedied by date night. We do it once every 2 weeks. We stopped doing it to save money and it was kind of amazing how negative the impact was. so we started up again and it's good. Also 2 working parents, 2 kids. We don't have the commute though or travel.
He is right to be intimidated and fearful. Not sure why he would feel less of anything since he hasn't changed, she has. What can a marriage counselor do in this situation? Convince him that she didn't really get a promotion and is now making ??? more money than he is and all that that represents? Even if insurance covers it, the deductible and/or co-pay expenses are not insignificant. Money wasted. Straightforward situation here, straightforward solutions as well.
I suggested the marriage counseling because she mentioned she can't stand the thought of having sex with him.
It can but you guys are going to have to have a major priority shifting within your marriage. Your focuses have strayed away from each other for so long that you're losing any connection you had that brought you together in the first place
So the hubby and i have been together for 16 years. We have always loved each other, but lately things are going south. We have two young kids, two full time jobs. We live in a suburb of a large city and our commute is one hr. Each way. Which is considered an easy commute here. We live in a nice home, and even though i make great money and the husband makes good money, we still need to save for the kids college, retirement, etc...
Lately we have been both very tense. I got a big promotion and I need to travel some. We dont have full time house help bc that would mean saying goodbye to our savings. Hubby and i havent been very intimate lately. Seems he is always bothered by me... I also dont find him attractive like i used to. The idea of sex w him stresses me out. He is not very warm and he has always had issues with being affectionate and intimate. For many years i told him i needed more intimacy, bc that is the basis for sex for me, and that just helps everything altogether. However now i feel it is a lost cause.
Right now i feel we are not really talking about our real issues. I wonder if this is a stage that a marrriage can survive... And whether things get better or if this is the start of something horrible. I really dont want this marriage to fail. I love him but wonder if our lack of intimacy and attraction is something that is getting lost forever.
If so, can a marriage be a good marriage just with harmonious company. If this turns into a sexless marriage are we doomed?
You need sit down together & prioritize & find some balance Stress & over committment of time is likely killing you both.
What benefit is gained by each of you spending at least two hours daily in transit?
Who is enjoying this house? Who is there for how many hours?
Benefit to children?
More travel for work means more stress...get some part time household help.
Do something daily together as couple that is non stressful & exercise--- like walking for an hour without phones.
Have family off the clock time to reconnect--- do an activity, do a hobby together, watch a movie at home, cook a meal together--- no interruptions allowed, no phones, no email, no nothing...the world can wait---religiously turn it off.
I suggested the marriage counseling because she mentioned she can't stand the thought of having sex with him.
No doubt the counselor would be up for the challenge. I might take a stab too, if I could bill @ $100/hr. indefinitely, while I attempt to rectify a situation that developed over time and was highly circumstantial.
I think it's cute that everyone is offering advice on things to do that will take even more time that she doesn't have which is actually her original problem - that she has no time for her husband or her family.
I think it's cute that everyone is offering advice on things to do that will take even more time that she doesn't have which is actually her original problem - that she has no time for her husband or her family.
That says it all, and that is what needs to change.
Nobody can magically fix the lack of free time, that has to be a choice made by the OP.
The OP knows the issue, she just has to change her priorities if she actually wants to have her realtionship be relevant to her life still.
Nobody here CAN help this...its balance she has to reach on her own about what is most important to her.
I think it's cute that everyone is offering advice on things to do that will take even more time that she doesn't have which is actually her original problem - that she has no time for her husband or her family.
She's not exactly saying that. She says she is no longer sexually attracted to her husband. Plenty of couples have hour long commutes. Plenty. If two people are in love they can live on different coasts (don't ask me how) and be happy. I doubt the o.p. will travel more than someone enlisted in the Armed Forces. If there is love and connection even those marriages can work. If not... no.
She's not exactly saying that. She says she is no longer sexually attracted to her husband. Plenty of couples have hour long commutes. Plenty. If two people are in love they can live on different coasts (don't ask me how) and be happy. I doubt the o.p. will travel more than someone enlisted in the Armed Forces. If there is love and connection even those marriages can work. If not... no.
There can be no really good connection if there is no time together. People who work their relationships bicoastally or at great distances are irrelevant. Weird species with a high infidelity rate.
Completely different situation. And they shouldn't have kids, either.
She's not really a wife if she's not around to wife and she's not really a mother of she's not around to mother.
Truths that are far too inconvenient for most people so they choose to ignore it and blamed the failure of their family or their marriage on other things.
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