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So much to say... Okay, background. This guy (Robert) I worked with for 4 years that I have been crushing on told me he also had a huge crush on me. At work he’s known for being this down to earth, sweet, funny, introverted, shy guy who is always positive and soft spoken. In October we finally admitted our feelings for one another and in November we started dating.
Immediately, I started seeing issues with him and his insecurities. We started getting in fights that seemed ridiculous to me. He accused me of checking out guys when I wasn’t, or he makes jokes that he has a small penis (he does NOT have a small penis!! I even once measured him to prove a damn point. And yes I have told him he’s perfect for me and he’s not small at all). He talks about his exs a lot and how they cheated. He was pissed that I wanted to sleep with a separate blanket because I’ve always slept with my own blanket. He says if I don’t want to share a blanket then I don’t want to share a bed with him. He once even accused me of masturbating in the middle of the night. All I know is I woke up and he was angry with me and I didn’t know what was going on. He asked if I was masturbating and I said “No, I was sleeping.” He said it didn’t look or sound like it. I didn’t even know what to say because I was sleeping and have no idea what he heard or saw. Another time we were sharing pictures and in his stack were pictures of not only family and friends but of his exs. I didn’t say anything, they’re just exs and I know they’re a part of his past so whatever. Well when I showed him some of my pictures there was one in there of me and an old guy friend who I shared a single kiss with 5 years ago. Keep in mind Robert and I were friends for years and we shared a lot of stories. Well a year ago, I once told Robert about this other guy and how I really liked him but the timing was always off and this other guy is now married with two kids. I don’t even feel that way about him anymore but Robert insisted I still had feelings and started a huge fight over it. This came up again a few weeks ago when he told me where he was taking me for dinner on Valentine’s and he asked if I had been before. I said yes and he asked with who. I was honest and said it was a dinner party with a bunch of friends and that guy from the photo was there too and Robert flipped out. For months I have been walking on eggshells, censoring what I say or how I act because I don’t know what will set him off. I have told him time and time again I need him to start trusting me. I’m not his exs, I’m not the enemy and he needs to remember who I am as a person and why he fell for me and remember the friendship we always had. Nothing seems to matter though. He always brings the past back into our present and starts fights. He bought me a pretty necklace for Christmas and told me it'd be best if I didn't wear it meeting his mom for the first time because it might seem a bit much and that would require alot of explaining on why such a serious gift. I was like ok. But later he got angry that I didn't wear it. I have also found he is extremely moody and so much more negative and opinionated than I ever knew. The only time he isn’t moody and he seems more normal is when he smokes some weed to calm himself. He’s like the perfect guy when he smokes. He doesn’t get all baked, he’s actually extremely functional on it but I don’t want to be with someone who has to smoke just to be happy.
Now with all of that said when things are good they’re amazing. We’re the couple people want to be. We laugh a lot, we have the best sex I’ve ever had, he’s thoughtful and caring. We love trying new things together and being adventurous. He makes me proud to be me and he makes me feel sexy, loved and wanted. We have long talks on things that are important to us. We’re goofballs where ever we are. We take super long showers together just reminiscing on the years when we secretly crushed on one another. It’s perfect.
Okay so two nights ago, Saturday night... We crawled into bed (Oh! We do not live together, he stays at my place on weekends) and we fell asleep. I remember waking up because he said he loved me, I said it back and fell back to sleep. Some point after that around 1:30am I woke up because the bathroom light was shining in my face and he closed the door. I fell back asleep and woke back up again to the light in my face and he shut it off and came back to bed. He didn’t try to snuggle me at all. I reached for him and when I touched him his back was to me and he said “Don’t”. I was confused and sleepily asked what was wrong. He was silent. Anytime I touched him he’d say not to and then he got out of bed and went into my closet and sat down on a stool in there. I got up and asked what was going on. He refused to explain what was going on. I started getting panicky on what was happening. He kept refusing to tell me why he was angry and he said things like “You should know” or “you obviously have things you need to think through” or “I can’t do that” pointing to the bed, or “you know what you did”. I started crying, I got hysterical and after several hours of back and forth I finally told him to leave. As he was packing I freaked out and kept trying to get him to talk to me. He refused. He took his apartment key off my key ring and left my house key. He said something like “Now that I’m leaving I’ll tell you. God blessed me with a small penis and it obviously doesn’t satisfy you!” It clicked, it was the masturbation thing again!! I asked if that’s what he meant and he said yes and left! First off I wouldn’t insult any man by doing that while in bed with him sleeping next to me and I honestly haven’t masturbated since before we were together!! He won’t believe me. I’ve been crying for the past two days now. I think he needs therapy but in the past he has refused to get it. He had a ****ed up childhood and multiple exs who cheated on him. I have given him my whole heart and I feel like he’s broken me. In the last three and half months I have fought more with him about b.s. stuff then I did with my previously relationship that I was in for 5 years. I don’t even know why he’s doing this. I don’t know what my question is for those reading this… I just feel lost and need some support I guess. Thanks for reading.
If I caught my girlfriend touching herself beside me while I was in bed I'd just reach over and assist her. No need to get all weird about it. It'd only become an issue if it replaced me, which in your situation it clearly hasn't.
It sounds to me if the guy doesn't get his act together he's going to lose a good lady.
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