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Has this thread really gone 5 pages debating the indignity of a woman, who could just drop the guy, choosing to stick around and then complain that he's not doing "man" right? Do women still get the vapours?
For a lot of women, it's about romance. When a woman is being courted it is seen as romantic. Chasing after a man is the opposite of romantic.
Few women want to tell their future grandchildren the story of how she had to chase and pursue their grandfather. Yet, on the other hand, men like my husband love to recall the story of "the chase" when we dated. His chest puffs up when he tells it and he's proud of the effort and gestures he made to win my heart. Not so, if I had been the one to chase him.
The 50's called. They want their belief system back. And by 50's, I mean 1850's.
"Chasing" was peachy keen in the Victorian times, when each sex had their its own role. Men were the chasers, women were the chasees. Nowadays, women got equal rights---and that's a good thing!---but without also assuming equal responsibilities in some cases. As a result, chivalry is waiting for the coroner to sign off, divorce rate is sky-high, and online dating is a waste of time for both men and women.
I much enjoy the 2010's equivalent of "chasing": flirty, playful banter at the first meeting, accompanied by just enough kino (non-sexual touch) to assess the comfort level with each other, followed by meeting each other halfway before and during a date. It's still a sign of masculinity for a man to plan the date, but a woman should also be clear with her likes and dislikes, and return calls/texts quickly, to make his job easier. And if a woman I'm dating insists on being "chased", I immediately think: "princess complex!", followed by: "next!"
While it's a given to expend at least some effort in the dating game, the only time I'll "chase" a woman is when we're playing a coed football game and she's running with the ball.
So, how has that worked out for you in terms of having great, lasting relationships?
We're happily married. My husband is the most romantic man I've ever known. It's just the way he likes to show affection to me. He obviously enjoys it as much as I do! He fearlessly wears his heart on his sleeve, he's unguarded and demonstrative. It's rather courageous of him, especially with a woman like me. I was a risk he took and I was not easy to win over. He chased me good and his romantic antics eventually melted my ice cold heart. I'd never met a man like him before. I admire those qualities in him. It's pretty cool to be married to a man like that and I am a very lucky woman. He has taught me and continues to teach me - through word and deed - what it means to really love someone.
We have a lot of wonderful memories from when our love was young, and it always brings a smile to think of them. My heart still goes thump-thump every time he walks into the room. He's such a stud! So I would say that things have worked out fantastically well.
Last edited by Butterflyfish; 02-16-2016 at 11:32 PM..
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,727,010 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist
The 50's called. They want their belief system back. And by 50's, I mean 1850's.
"Chasing" was peachy keen in the Victorian times, when each sex had their its own role. Men were the chasers, women were the chasees. Nowadays, women got equal rights---and that's a good thing!---but without also assuming equal responsibilities in some cases. As a result, chivalry is waiting for the coroner to sign off, divorce rate is sky-high, and online dating is a waste of time for both men and women.
I much enjoy the 2010's equivalent of "chasing": flirty, playful banter at the first meeting, accompanied by just enough kino (non-sexual touch) to assess the comfort level with each other, followed by meeting each other halfway before and during a date. It's still a sign of masculinity for a man to plan the date, but a woman should also be clear with her likes and dislikes, and return calls/texts quickly, to make his job easier. And if a woman I'm dating insists on being "chased", I immediately think: "princess complex!", followed by: "next!"
While it's a given to expend at least some effort in the dating game, the only time I'll "chase" a woman is when we're playing a coed football game and she's running with the ball.
I totally agree dude. Chasing is more for the rabbits on my family's farm in the Carolinas, not for getting women. I do think OPs dude is slacking and isn't really that interested, however.
Assuming you are showing equal interest back, that is not chasing. That is being interested and making that interest known with follow-through.
Except it's clear that she expects this behavior and has no intention of putting in any effort herself other than gracing the guy with her presence. That's not "being taught" anything (as she said before), but rather, entitlement. She's using "chase" in the exact context that it's used for. It's why women like the OP are so easily manipulated, because they make it so glaringly obvious both:
a) what they want
b) how upset they are that they can't get it
B is the key part. Everybody wants things. It when you expect them that your true personality shines.
Dewdrop mentioned in a couple posts that the OP's reaction to the guy's behavior isn't unreasonable, and I'd agree. It's her (the OP's) attitude later that's revealing how much more there is to the story than "guy is making me work and I hate that".
I haven't seen #2 (yet), but I have absolutely no doubt that it's happening somewhere.
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