7 Dates in and No Sex -Time to End it or Be Patient? (guy, love)
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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Just A Guy
Sex that starts out bad will, more than likely, stay bad. Sex that starts out fantastic will have a much better chance of staying good as the years go by.
I've found this true with my lovers, but admittedly, the longest continual one I had was only about 8 years. But when I reconnected with old flames, if it was great at 20 it was great at 40. The chemistry was still there.
I believe bad sex can be made into ok sex, and ok sex can be made into good sex, and good sex can possibly get to great sex, but I've never seen any indication (despite trying many many times) that bad or ok sex can get to great sex. Chemistry can't be taught and can't be faked for any period of time.
OP- why are you not talking to the women you date about sex beforehand?
Having a open and caring conversation about sex and sexual expectations is a great way to get to know someone better, deepen the relationship, help a woman feel safer, and give you some idea of whether or not you are sexually compatible.
I am a guy. The usual number of dates until I have had sex is about 4 to 5 dates (sometimes sooner).
I have been out with this lady 7 times (over a 5 to 6 week period). I thought 7 was a "lucky" number but to no avail. And when I say no sex, I mean zero sex (of any kind). To be fair, this girl did tell me on date No. 1 that she is a "traditional" girl. I should have quizzed her on what that meant.
I thought 7 dates was a real long wait...so I am thinking it may be best to part our separate ways? I am not sure how long until she feels comfortable but she is 29 years old and has only had one sexual partner (her ex-husband). So the waiting game here could stretch on for a while...though she assures me she is NOT waiting for marriage until she has sex. She just wants to feel comfortable and that she can trust the guy she is with.
Be patient or move on...? For those that answer please specify your gender, just trying to get some perspective. Thanks.
If you enjoy her company then do continue to see her but I suggest a different tacit.
I rarely suggest to play games but I think some are in order in you don't want to find yourself pressuring her for sex. She needs to be motivated and in order to get there you might need to do something practiced by players everywhere - i.e. put some effort into a exceptional date - a meal then an entertainment event, some small gift, etc - anything but make it memorable. Be a perfect gentlemen then end the evening politely with no effort to extend things. After this date call her or tell her that you are very attracted to her, more than any woman in recent memory, but you don't feel the relationship is going anywhere and you don't want to get hurt. Then stop talking to her. If she calls ignore her for at least a week or two.
After two weeks initiate contact or (preferably) let her initiate and have a lunch date. Hopefully your log-jam will be cleared.
Invite her to come over for dinner and a movie, and to stay the night (be clear). If she refuses you'll know where you stand, and you can probably move on since you have different views or values when it comes to sex. By now she should have a pretty good idea of what you're like, and if you've been a gentleman so far and you actually DO see this relationship working eventually, then go for it - she should be ready, IMO.
If you enjoy her company then do continue to see her but I suggest a different tacit.
I rarely suggest to play games but I think some are in order in you don't want to find yourself pressuring her for sex. She needs to be motivated and in order to get there you might need to do something practiced by players everywhere - i.e. put some effort into a exceptional date - a meal then an entertainment event, some small gift, etc - anything but make it memorable. Be a perfect gentlemen then end the evening politely with no effort to extend things. After this date call her or tell her that you are very attracted to her, more than any woman in recent memory, but you don't feel the relationship is going anywhere and you don't want to get hurt. Then stop talking to her. If she calls ignore her for at least a week or two.
After two weeks initiate contact or (preferably) let her initiate and have a lunch date. Hopefully your log-jam will be cleared.
Game playing begets more game playing and more confusion.
I am a guy. The usual number of dates until I have had sex is about 4 to 5 dates (sometimes sooner).
I have been out with this lady 7 times (over a 5 to 6 week period). I thought 7 was a "lucky" number but to no avail. And when I say no sex, I mean zero sex (of any kind). To be fair, this girl did tell me on date No. 1 that she is a "traditional" girl. I should have quizzed her on what that meant.
I thought 7 dates was a real long wait...so I am thinking it may be best to part our separate ways? I am not sure how long until she feels comfortable but she is 29 years old and has only had one sexual partner (her ex-husband). So the waiting game here could stretch on for a while...though she assures me she is NOT waiting for marriage until she has sex. She just wants to feel comfortable and that she can trust the guy she is with.
Be patient or move on...? For those that answer please specify your gender, just trying to get some perspective. Thanks.
So you are dating her just to get to the sex? Do you enjoy her company? Are you guys having any serious chemistry? Like...passionate kissing when you say goodbye, and you find yourselves wanting more, but you stop...? Any of that going on? If not, move on. You don't just go on a few dates, and then have sex because "it's time". You have sex because you can't keep your hands off each other. And if that ain't happening...and you don't think it's headed in that direction, then move on and look for someone else that you have chemistry with.
No but the dates have been relatively cheap. Though there have been a few dinners included in this mix. She is not high maintenance in how much dates/restaurants cost. This is more about my TIME...from a cost benefit standpoint. However, time is probably more precious than money...
Oh wow. Why are you even dating her if it's all about "your time"? Do her a favor dude...move ON.
Oh wow. Why are you even dating her if it's all about "your time"? Do her a favor dude...move ON.
LOL. How many women do you hear say "I don't want to be wasting my time if this is not progressing towards marriage"? And all the people that tell her to move on and quit wasting her time.
There is nothing wrong in looking at dating in terms of cost/benefit for time spent.
The "traditional" part would be an immediate turn off for me. And I wouldn't wait seven dates. Hell no. The longest I ever waited after my high school boyfriend was five dates in a span of two weeks. Two to three dates has been the norm for me, if not sooner.
You two are on different pages, which is fine for individual wants, but it makes you incompatible in this area.
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