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Thinking you might have "gone wrong" is a big leap from, OMG, get therapy! though.
Not really because as a parent, if I found this out about my son - I'd probably try to get him into therapy as soon as I could. I would probably get myself into therapy, too. Therapy isn't some worst case scenario option. Therapy is meant to help people navigate through things that are difficult for them in life.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76
Not really because as a parent, if I found this out about my son - I'd probably try to get him into therapy as soon as I could. I would probably get myself into therapy, too. Therapy isn't some worst case scenario option. Therapy is meant to help people navigate through things that are difficult for them in life.
Ok, we just have different notions on therapy. Which is fine.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76
There is a lot of territory between having so many partners that they cant remember them at 18 years of age and not being interested in the opposite sex or partying at all. These are both extremes. I wasn't an extreme. Most of my friends weren't extremes. I hope my kids aren't extremes either. I have accepted that I'm going to have to be okay with them having sex in high school - as long as they are safe. I mean, I did it so I can't go crazy if they do it. But I hope that they would do it with someone that they respect and maybe even love or like a whole lot - not everyone and anyone.
That was me, and I am thankful for that, and that we're still friends. But honestly, probably a good chunk of that was because of lack of options. I couldn't go to the club in town being an underage guy and get some, like my lady friends could and did in Boston and especially in NYC in the 80s.
I don't know. I don't think I'm that prim and proper but I would be worried about my son if he said what that kid said. I'd probably think I'd gone wrong somewhere in raising him. Just being honest.
Me too. I would suspect lots of alcohol or maybe some bad trauma. I was stupid at a party once and I don't remember his name now, but I did then. A handful of years is not enough time to forget most of the sex you've had.
There is a lot of territory between having so many partners that they cant remember them at 18 years of age and not being interested in the opposite sex or partying at all. These are both extremes. I wasn't an extreme. Most of my friends weren't extremes. I hope my kids aren't extremes either. I have accepted that I'm going to have to be okay with them having sex in high school - as long as they are safe. I mean, I did it so I can't go crazy if they do it. But I hope that they would do it with someone that they respect and maybe even love or like a whole lot - not everyone and anyone.
Yeah, I'm really pretty pro sex, but kids and even young adults are prone to very short term thinking. We know this intuitively and from our experience looking back at some of the stupid stuff we did (I did) and wondering how I survived. Literally. And now science is chiming in with evidence that our brain development, and with it our capacity for fully adult mental functioning isn't there until about age 25.
So knowing that each time someone has sex there is some risk involved, I'd be concerned about someone so young who might be acting out sexually. Is he or she being safe sexually and in every other sense of the word? By definition when acting out, a kid isn't choosing from a place of thoughtful wisdom.
30 + partners by 18 doesn't mean the kid was being reckless. However, it's more likely than in the case of someone who has a few partners or none.
Ok, we just have different notions on therapy. Which is fine.
That was me, and I am thankful for that, and that we're still friends. But honestly, probably a good chunk of that was because of lack of options. I couldn't go to the club in town being an underage guy and get some, like my lady friends could and did in Boston and especially in NYC in the 80s.
I'm right there with you. Even while admitting that having lots of sex at a young age is risky and unwise, had I more opportunities I would have been more risk prone and unwise than I was. Part of me is glad that being me meant that my opportunities were limited, and part of me that easily slips back into thinking like a 16-18 year old envies the hell out of guys who, well, weren't me
If the CDR threads are reflection of reality (it is NOT), one might conclude that those that don't have enough sex are the ones that need therapy.
I plan on teaching my kids that sex is something to be shared and enjoyed with mutual respect and responsibility rather than something to be hidden, tucked away, ashamed of, and seen as what was the word?.. "gross".
Although I had a lot of partners, I actually didn't loose my virginity until my senior year in HS and by graduation we were no longer together but she was the only one in my past. After HS... well.. yeh... I had a lot of fun. It was always mutually enjoyed with respect and responsibility. Most are still my friends today. I absolutely never used dishonesty, pickup lines, manipulation.. etc.. to get a woman into bed. That is something that even those with a "lower number" do not always do.
Cutting to the chase, a lot of people base their sexual history off of a number of past partners. The number can be used to suggest that a number is too low or too high.
Double standards abound: guys hate to have to low of a number, women don't want to admit to a high number. (Generalizing of course).
But I'm pretty sure there are more than a few cases of people who live otherwise normal lives, but have lost complete count of how many partners they have had. Is that normal in anyway?
Or does the average person truly only have around 8 partners in their lifetime, rendering the scenario mentioned above completely abnormal?
Just curious ... where did you get that number from? Based on what demographic?
30 + partners by 18 doesn't mean the kid was being reckless. However, it's more likely than in the case of someone who has a few partners or none.
I'm not sure I understand what you're saying here? Are you suggesting that 30+ partners by 18 is now considered the norm?
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8?
