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So started dating this guy (I am bi guy myself). We have hit it off super well. I have had a hard time dating guys, but in regards to personality and being compatible we are freakishly similar. We had an amazing time on our first date and are having our second date soon. I really really like him and its mutual from him. We've been talking every day, all day long.
However there is something that concerns me. As much as I like him, and I think I might come off as a snob, I'm not sure how well he would be accepted in my family. And I worry about his ambition too.
I work in marketing and public relations, and have made a great career for myself. My family is all college educated, my sister is a lawyer with her own law firm, my parents both very successful execs, and we have about 4 doctors in our immediate family, and I have two family members getting their PHDs. And the people my family date tend to be from similar backgrounds.
This guy I am dating, is currently an electrician, very blue collar, even has a tattoo sleeve. I can see my family not so much being mean or unfriendly to him, but I am sure they would continuously try to convince me that based on his education, career path and so on, that I should strive for better. My family tends to have high standards.
I think as long as the person I date can be independent financially and make a comfortable living for themselves I don't care as much. I care more about how they treat me and how we can have a relationship. But sometimes I do worry about his lack of ambition. I am a very ambitious person, looking to move forward in my career, move up, build a family, and I even want to start my own company. He seems to want to coast in life, he's thinking of changing jobs and going from being an electrician to a commercial driver. So in that sense it worries me.
At the same time he does seem like he wants more out of life from an personal development perspective. He wants to travel more and he wants to learn more about different cultures, cities, etc., but he wants to take it easy career wise. Sometimes I get worried I might be too white collar and he might be too blue collar. But sometimes I think that might make a great balance in the relationship.
Obviously we are just starting to date so taking it one day at a time. But as anyone experienced similar scenario? Where they date someone from a very blue collar role and the other person from a very white collar world? How did it go for you? What was your experience?
So started dating this guy (I am bi guy myself). We have hit it off super well. I have had a hard time dating guys, but in regards to personality and being compatible we are freakishly similar. We had an amazing time on our first date and are having our second date soon. I really really like him and its mutual from him. We've been talking every day, all day long.
However there is something that concerns me. As much as I like him, and I think I might come off as a snob, I'm not sure how well he would be accepted in my family. And I worry about his ambition too.
I work in marketing and public relations, and have made a great career for myself. My family is all college educated, my sister is a lawyer with her own law firm, my parents both very successful execs, and we have about 4 doctors in our immediate family, and I have two family members getting their PHDs. And the people my family date tend to be from similar backgrounds.
This guy I am dating, is currently an electrician, very blue collar, even has a tattoo sleeve. I can see my family not so much being mean or unfriendly to him, but I am sure they would continuously try to convince me that based on his education, career path and so on, that I should strive for better. My family tends to have high standards.
I think as long as the person I date can be independent financially and make a comfortable living for themselves I don't care as much. I care more about how they treat me and how we can have a relationship. But sometimes I do worry about his lack of ambition. I am a very ambitious person, looking to move forward in my career, move up, build a family, and I even want to start my own company. He seems to want to coast in life, he's thinking of changing jobs and going from being an electrician to a commercial driver. So in that sense it worries me.
At the same time he does seem like he wants more out of life from an personal development perspective. He wants to travel more and he wants to learn more about different cultures, cities, etc., but he wants to take it easy career wise. Sometimes I get worried I might be too white collar and he might be too blue collar. But sometimes I think that might make a great balance in the relationship.
Obviously we are just starting to date so taking it one day at a time. But as anyone experienced similar scenario? Where they date someone from a very blue collar role and the other person from a very white collar world? How did it go for you? What was your experience?
If you really like/love this guy, then as long as he's a good guy (not a drug dealer, career criminal, etc.), then whether your family will like him or not shouldn't have any bearing.
Also, I agree in that it would be a great balance since you're white collar, and he's blue collar.
I will say this, outside of that there really aren't any big negatives. He said sometimes he needs to be pushed to "go above and beyond" and I just wouldn't want it to be a situation where I have to constantly push him grow in his career or be better himself. I don't mind helping him, I just don't want to babysit him.
But other than that he is just such a nice guy a real sweetheart. I think someone who probably gets overlooked at lot in the gay community because of his profession. He does ok for himself in terms of $, but I feel in the gay community there is such an important emphasis on "image".
If you really like/love this guy, then as long as he's a good guy (not a drug dealer, career criminal, etc.), then whether your family will like him or not shouldn't have any bearing.
Also, I agree in that it would be a great balance since you're white collar, and he's blue collar.
I'm on board with this. if your family doesn't like him because of his profession that says a lot more about them then it does about him.
You've had ONE date, and you're speculating about your future and his career habits.
Get to know him and figure out how you REALLY feel about him FIRST instead of fantasizing about how it COULD be. THEN make your own decisions.
DO NOT base it on what "the gay community" emphasizes or what your family may think unless you really do need constant outside affirmation.
It's nice to have the support of family, but if you are making relationship decisions based on the potential for family disapproval, then you need to work on emotional boundaries before you get into a real relationship with someone.
UrbanCheetah, friend-to-friend here, you seem to invest an awful lot, think a lot, question a lot and insert worry RIGHT AWAY into associations (can't even really call them "relationships" as you're doing this before you even meet the people).
Is it possible you're subconsciously inserting problems where none may exist because you're scared of exploring these options?
Just a thought. Not a psychologist but I play one on...Okay, I don't even play one. But...it's still worth thinking about...IMO.
UrbanCheetah, friend-to-friend here, you seem to invest an awful lot, think a lot, question a lot and insert worry RIGHT AWAY into associations (can't even really call them "relationships" as you're doing this before you even meet the people).
Is it possible you're subconsciously inserting problems where none may exist because you're scared of exploring these options?
Just a thought. Not a psychologist but I play one on...Okay, I don't even play one. But...it's still worth thinking about...IMO.
I think my problem right now is I am in the process of coming out. I never dated guys before, and just started this past November. So it's kind of a new and exciting territory for me, that I think sometimes I get overzealous about and overthink. I will say I do a good job hiding it from the guys I date, but in my head I think about it ALL the time.
So lets break this down, you come from a long line of snobs, and you let others control your dating life.
That's the take-away I got.
As some one else mentioned, just cool your jets, get to know the person before you start picking out curtains and bed linens.
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