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Got a couple father sided questions going into a possible mediation dispute. here is some quick history and apologize for the read.
3 kids all under 10, we made a divorce agreement using mediation and we ended up doing things the correct, modern, and right way were we both split custody and nobody paid any child support.
She went her way and got married, I went mine. We buy our kids our own stuff, own our own homes, and split costs whatever should be split like medical, sports, big parties, etc. the custody days during the month are all split.
We make our own rules for special needs and are mostly flexible even though we don't really like each other.
i'm easy going and like the arrangement as i go with the flow. I'll speak up if i need to speak up about something i don't like.
She tends to be annoyed or has an issue with little things each week in which she will bother me about it. this happens each week for the last 7 years. kids are always fine and happy, it's nit picking. If i have something to complain about, i get blown off.
I would say at times it is control tactics coming out as i am not easily controlled. This is sometimes involved with threats, bullying, insults, or manipulation from her. simply put i get harassed which i don't care for.
so now, she says she wants money from me. we have split custody and she makes more annually to go along with her husband's pay. She just had a baby. she says the kids cost more and she has them more because she's been home watching them.
that is true and i have paid her what i would pay after school care had they've been in it recently.
so now with the life change on her end, upon going back to work, she wants to get a full nanny to watch then after school on her days and not only expects me to pay for the after care i need (if it's less, equal, or more) but extra "support" money. for what?? seems like a little extortion.
i'm not easy to sway without heavy thinking on my end but here are my options.
-i'll just find out what after care will cost for the days i actually need it because she needs the nanny, i don't
-i'll re-iterate the term split custody and i can actually demand money from her if i wanted to
but say she doesn't back off from my logic and her unrealistic demands and we go back to mediation?
the contract was done already years ago and in current form holds all the water. if any amending needs to be made, doesn't it require more documentation and more reasoning for a change? some people aren't honest with their motives and just want things easily so when going through this isn't it set up to be harder for those types of people?
can i make my own demands now that the forum is open?
i'm just curious if unrealistic and unneeded demands not to mention demands i won't agree with will end up being a waste of time for both of us?
If an agreement can't be mutually reached you can petition the court for a modification of the custody and support agreement. Whether it is changes due to income or needs that is often an option.
Got a couple father sided questions going into a possible mediation dispute. here is some quick history and apologize for the read.
3 kids all under 10, we made a divorce agreement using mediation and we ended up doing things the correct, modern, and right way were we both split custody and nobody paid any child support.
She went her way and got married, I went mine. We buy our kids our own stuff, own our own homes, and split costs whatever should be split like medical, sports, big parties, etc. the custody days during the month are all split.
We make our own rules for special needs and are mostly flexible even though we don't really like each other.
i'm easy going and like the arrangement as i go with the flow. I'll speak up if i need to speak up about something i don't like.
She tends to be annoyed or has an issue with little things each week in which she will bother me about it. this happens each week for the last 7 years. kids are always fine and happy, it's nit picking. If i have something to complain about, i get blown off.
I would say at times it is control tactics coming out as i am not easily controlled. This is sometimes involved with threats, bullying, insults, or manipulation from her. simply put i get harassed which i don't care for.
so now, she says she wants money from me. we have split custody and she makes more annually to go along with her husband's pay. She just had a baby. she says the kids cost more and she has them more because she's been home watching them.
that is true and i have paid her what i would pay after school care had they've been in it recently.
so now with the life change on her end, upon going back to work, she wants to get a full nanny to watch then after school on her days and not only expects me to pay for the after care i need (if it's less, equal, or more) but extra "support" money. for what?? seems like a little extortion.
i'm not easy to sway without heavy thinking on my end but here are my options.
-i'll just find out what after care will cost for the days i actually need it because she needs the nanny, i don't
-i'll re-iterate the term split custody and i can actually demand money from her if i wanted to
but say she doesn't back off from my logic and her unrealistic demands and we go back to mediation?
the contract was done already years ago and in current form holds all the water. if any amending needs to be made, doesn't it require more documentation and more reasoning for a change? some people aren't honest with their motives and just want things easily so when going through this isn't it set up to be harder for those types of people?
can i make my own demands now that the forum is open?
i'm just curious if unrealistic and unneeded demands not to mention demands i won't agree with will end up being a waste of time for both of us?
thanks in advance
In PA my ex had a baby with new hubby and they jacked my support because her expenses increased. When she quit her job to take care of said baby, my support went up again. Yup, you guessed it. Her expenses went up again. Then, she never went back to work and they bought a new car every four years.
Guess what? Support ended and she miraculously had to go back to work, and they still drive the same car they owned 11 years ago when i quit paying support!
If she has primary custody, and she asks for it, she will probably get more money.
But see a lawyer.
This stuff happens all the time, and it's why men hate marriage so much, and why the deck is stacked against them in court. Because the women can always play the mommy card and SAHM card to manipulate the system to their advantage. Just be lucky you didn't get stuck with alimony. Unlike child support, which can EASILY be modified, divorce decrees are MUCH, MUCH harder to impossible to change after the fact.
Your ex is still trying to manipulate you all these years later, her ONLY legal way to do this is through child support. It's typical actually. Know a BUNCH of people who are going through this.
First, do everything you can to stay away from lawyers and the courts. It is expensive...probably $15-20,000 to get an order on a matter like this...plus fees for a forensic accountant if one disputes the others income, or if the judge order an accounting as to income/assets...
It seems to me, logically, that the ex knows she has the children (lets just say five days a week, every other week) and therefore cannot leave them on their own so she can go to work without providing child care. That would come out of her pocket if she made that decision. Just like you would provide child care (as you do by paying her) if they are with you during the week and need child care while you are at work. I don't see why your child care should come out of her pocket, nor her child care come out of yours. Especially based on the idea that you both have worked out an "I pay for what the kids need when they are with me, and you pay when they are with you".
A solution for you might be to use an after school program and eliminate her entirely. The kids stay at school and engage in a variety of educational, recreational, etc. programs until late afternoon/early evening when the parent can pick them up.
Pitching in so she can have a "nanny" seems over the top (but I have lived with/dealt with an over the top ex spouse, so nothing surprises me). She wants a nanny to care for her new rug rat and putting half the cost on you sounds reasonable...to her.
Over time, you will learn an important lesson: the answer is always NO. Then, if you wish, you might negotiate, but you start with NO.
I learned the hard way by trying to be reasonable/decent/nice. That is a BAD strategy when dealing with a scorned woman. Trust me.
A mediation is designed to avoid going to court. There are supposed to be comprises on both sides. If you can't agree during mediation, then you can choose to go before a judge.
is that nanny going to be watching her new baby, too? She didn't need one before and it's not your fault that she had another child.
"No", sounds like a reasonable answer for her request.
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