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I almost want to break up just so I can undertake your empowerment regimen.
LOL! Be careful. It worked so well for me that I'm not sure I ever want to be in another committed relationship! (I'm pushing 50, though. I wouldn't have said this even 10 years ago.)
I have been told by his friends that he is a wreck right now and I should be more supportive and understanding and not be so angry, really?
If anyone here has gone through something like this please give me some advice.
Tell HIS friends he brought it all on himself and can only blame himself then block their access to you through whatever medium they have.
Block his access to you, do not cave in, do not give in, do not look back and do not give him any chance to get back together with you. He chose to make a new bed so he can choose to continue to lie in it.
Do not jump into a new relationship immediately, give yourself time to grieve the loss you have suffered.
Do not blame anyone but him for your current pain, loss and sadness.
Move forward in your life, do not allow his actions to stick you in a rut, breath, then put one foot in front of the other, breath, one foot in front of the other, etc etc.
His mother phoned me about an hour ago, her and I were pretty close although it's been a while since I seen her
She told me "if it doesn't work out, it just doesn't and never will. Some people just aren't compatible sweetie" "I hope you do not see my son as the bad guy here because he isn't, he did the right thing for you both"
I have to be honest and say this actually kind of ticked me off. So at what point in the last 5 years...were we not compatible? I am being told this now?...This is obviously what he told his mother.
I was told all of the time that I was 'the one' that I would 'make a great mother' that I had been 'the best girlfriend he ever had' but now I see that's probably not 100% how he felt, he probably just either said that because he thought he felt that way, or he just told me what he thought I wanted to hear. Now I probably have to question a lot of what he's told me. I don't think he is a liar but he definitely is confused about his feelings.
Regardless, he totally screwed me over for his own happiness. He never really even spoke about this friend to me His mother is obviously and understandably going to take his side, but to basically justify what he did and say he did it for the best.
And then she told me that they both (her and my ex) hope that I will remain close with them as they love me and think I'm a good hearted person, I thought to myself the members of city-date would not approve of this, LMAO. I expected one of them to tell me that. I honestly doubt they care about me either way to be honest. They're both just probably trying to be nice.
Sorry for the continued rambling, I got flustered after the phone call and I'm just not even understanding my own emotions tonight.
He gets one shot to get all of his garbage out of your apartment. After that, anything he wants, you mail to him. He gets one message only: "Please do not contact me."
After that, no social media, no email, no texting, no calling. Block him wherever you can. Put an add-on on your browser like LeechBlock in case you are tempted to poke around in his public social media. Don't pay attention to his friends. Go no-contact with them, too. They are getting in the way of your healing, and frankly, who cares if he's a wreck? He lied to you. This has probably been brewing with this other woman for a while. He's deceitful and he's a liar. He made his choice. Now he has to live with it.
Change all of your passwords, even if you think he doesn't have them. Close any joint accounts you have. (So embarrassing when an ex and I went to Blockbuster back in the day and they called me by his ex-GF's name because he hadn't taken her name off the card.) Put all of your photos of him or the two of you together away. Same goes for gifts he gave you and knick-knacks you collected together. Remove as much of him as possible from your line of vision.
It sucks, and you know what? It feels just as bad in your 30s, 40s, and beyond if and when it happens. If you feel like crying, cry. If you feel like staring at the walls, stare at the walls. Go out with your girlfriends. Get a nice new haircut or some new color. You'll probably feel some serious anger after a while, when the shock wears off. Work out. I can't speak highly enough of cardio-kickboxing to release tension and anger.
Think of all the things he did that ticked you off or upset you. You don't have to deal with that anymore. You can make your apartment as girly as you want. You can eat what you want, when you want to. You can watch what you want to watch, be as neat or as messy as you want, come and go as you please. After a while, what feels like heartbreak starts feeling more like freedom. You'll get there, and you'll be stronger for it in the end.
Good grief. I never have to do any of this stuff. My life carries on the same as it did prior to the break up.
His mother phoned me about an hour ago, her and I were pretty close although it's been a while since I seen her
She told me "if it doesn't work out, it just doesn't and never will. Some people just aren't compatible sweetie" "I hope you do not see my son as the bad guy here because he isn't, he did the right thing for you both"
I have to be honest and say this actually kind of ticked me off. So at what point in the last 5 years...were we not compatible? I am being told this now?...This is obviously what he told his mother.
Regardless, he totally screwed me over for his own happiness. His mother is obviously and understandably going to take his side, but to basically justify what he did....alright then.
Don't waste a second wanting someone, that does not want you. He did do you a favor by letting you go. He doesn't want you. Now pick your self up and find the guy who is compatible and wants you.
He's being an idiot. You may have a long history with him, but you have to realize that the way he treated you at the end is UNACCEPTABLE.
Good move blocking him etc. If he contacts you, tell him that his disrespect for you is inexcusable, you have nothing to say to him and he should go to his new GF for affirmation.
One question: are you both on the lease?
I totally havent even thought about what's going to happen to the apartment and what to do from here
We have a 1 year lease, it will end in 3 months. I will be staying here until I figure out what to do, I have quite a bit in savings thankfully so I will be okay for the next few months. I will not be able to afford staying here on my own though so when the lease is up I will have to move out
Do I have to contact my landlord since he moved out or what? Do i just wait until the lease is up and tell them I will not be staying another year and then go into it?
This is going to sound very pathetic but as of a week ago I am single after 5 and a half years and I feel scared and lost in life. Mostly hurt. I was with him since I was 18, I am 24 now. He's the man I lost my virginity to, shared my first apartment with, and has been my absolute best friend through everything. In a way, he's all I've known relationship wise at least.
I mean sure I have friends, but nothing compared to what I had with him.
He came home crying one night, just a wreck. He told me we had to talk and I prepared for the worst because I knew something was very wrong.
He told me he has fallen in love with one of his close female friends. A woman I know of, but don't necessarily *know*. He said he was just with her before he came home and told her how he felt, and she told him she was in love with him too. I being the emotional person I am, completely broke down. I even ran outside and puked at one point, it was very bad. When I asked him if he was still in love with me, he could not say. That's what really hurt.
I think it's something that has happened only recently. I don't think he's been two timing me for months or anything. Question is how can he let himself fall in love with someone else? That kills me.
We talked for a bit, and he said his plans were to basically move his things into her place for now and until he gets his thoughts straight. I asked him if he's going to start dating her and he told me he didn't know - but I'm not dumb, it's obvious he wants her, he's in love with her.
So, he is staying with her now and she is now the best person in his life and his greatest support. Who knows what will happen from there. I can't even get my own thoughts together.
I have been told by his friends that he is a wreck right now and I should be more supportive and understanding and not be so angry, really? I don't want to come off selfish but my feelings have been totally disregarded through out all of this, not his. I think I have a right to feel how I feel, but people are putting me as the bad guy or something.
If anyone here has gone through something like this please give me some advice.
It did happen to me, essentially...the person he became involved with wasn't a close friend, however, she was simply a coworker.
Only I was older than you (was with him from 30-35), it wasn't my first relationship (it was his, however). He was the first partner I with whom I lived, though I'd been living on my own for years prior to meeting him, and had been involved with other men, just none with whom I cohabited.
In my case, it was shocking to have been betrayed and lied to, but I spent exactly zero minutes pining for him or wishing that the relationship wasn't over. It was also very jarring to realize that the life I'd spent the past five years building vanished with the turn of the key in the door the night he came home and told me he wanted things to be over and I'd need to gather my and leave so he could go on with his life. I was utterly blindsided, and it was like being slapped in the face and having a bucket of cold water dumped on me simultaneously, but there was no way I for even a millisecond wanted him back once I knew. I never willingly talked to him again upon moving out. He e-mailed me a few times regarding administrative things like forwarding mail and car title information, but other than that, no communication, by choice. We live in the same city, but I never see him, and wouldn't have any reason to acknowledge him if I did. He did some really rotten things, and is a generally garbage person, as it turns out.
I moved out, I moved on, I continued with my job and friends and got an apartment in a nice part of town that I enjoyed. I met a guy, we dated, and ultimately, we've gotten married and have an adorable newborn son. I have the kind of life now I could never in a million years have had with him, and that's fantastic. It in absolutely no way means that his actions, his treatment of me, and any of the myriad crappy things he did are okay or excusable in any way, shape, or form. But my life is infinitely better without him. If you can pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move on, you may well find that yours is, also.
You have absolutely no obligation to "be supportive and understanding" in this scenario. That's complete and total BS.
Change all of your passwords, even if you think he doesn't have them.
Oh, good call.
I was never so irritated as when, a good month after moving out, I started seeing crappy Korean teen soap operas pop up in my queue of things viewed on my Netflix account, because somebody's girlfriend kept bogarting my Netflix because the password was saved or whatever on his PS3. Small potatoes, and a small indignity when compared to other things that went down (putting my dog in a shelter, for instance), but irksome, nonetheless.
I can only imagine if there had been passwords to anything actually important. As it was, it was just irritating.
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It sucks, and you know what? It feels just as bad in your 30s, 40s, and beyond if and when it happens.
It does. And I wholeheartedly support some self-care and pampering. I, myself, took a ten-day trip to my home state to get some TLC from my tightly knit family, and I also, for months after the fact, made a point to schedule in some social time each weekend, even if I didn't feel like it, because I didn't want to get in the habit of sitting around feeling sorry for myself. The fake it till you make it approach worked well. I also exercised regularly to work out stress and anger (and I had LOADS of anger...much more anger than sadness). I had relocated next to a nice park with a great jogging trail, and got up early every a.m. to use it, and it became kind of a meditative ritual for me. I completely agree with the apt description of heartbreak turning to freedom.
Not necessarily. My ex met a chick on Saturday and was living with her Monday. Dead serious. Or do you consider that "awhile"?
Well, nothing personal, but based on your posting history, considering your definition of an "ex" means someone you lived with for a month or so, I'm not sure your input is exactly relevant in this case. This girl was in a five-year relationship and her ex was knowing this friend for a long time.
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I don't want to come off selfish but my feelings have been totally disregarded through out all of this, not his. I think I have a right to feel how I feel, but people are putting me as the bad guy or something. 
