Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I live in a pretty desolate part of the country. There were a lot of questions to answer... I don't know. I'm a sweet girl who is really more interested in baking and butterflies more than my job. Sorry boss... I have had long term relationships but recently it just seems that no one sticks around. I'm not a prude but I don't sleep around either. I feel I'm just middle of the road on everything. I'm just feeling a little sorry for myself
Read this. Then read your own OP. And think about how they sound together.
You'll figure it out, maybe.
Or maybe not. Some folks never do; the problem is always the other person, never them.
This whole scenario has really put a downer on my wanting to put myself out there again. . But I know I will never find the right one if I don't try.
There ya go. This may be your problem. If these few experiences are making you feel that way, more than likely, you have trouble letting yourself be vulnerable. If you afraid of being hurt, and are not letting your guard down, I can see why guys might translate this into a lack of chemistry and would be ending things after a while with you.
Agreed but how do you fix that now? I now know what a healthy relationship is but struggle to find men that are capable of participating or even wanting to.
Ongoing therapy. And not the kind of therapy where you a looking for the therapist to find or not find something wrong with you.
I'm really only upset he led me on. If he had acted at all not interested I would have been fine but it was just super sudden. We had conversations about the relationship getting more serious and he seemed to be on board. Had even told me about telling other people that we were starting to get more serious. Than bam...no longer wants to see me. This guy seemed to be super competitive about a lot of things and was also an engineer having a hard time finding a job. I just sometimes wonder that since my career is such a man's field that it creates some tension. I really don't know. I haven't been annoying him with request or anything. Just asked for an apology shortly after the phone call and silence since.
No, I dont mind if she is successful or making more money than I do. As long as she keeps humble about it.
OP I think your problem may be you already are making ideas of how successful these guys are. Conscious or not, you are grading these guys, based on job status.
I like independent women, because usually if they are around you it is not because of the money
Maybe there is another factor beside a job related issue.
I'm really only upset he led me on. If he had acted at all not interested I would have been fine but it was just super sudden. We had conversations about the relationship getting more serious and he seemed to be on board. Had even told me about telling other people that we were starting to get more serious. Than bam...no longer wants to see me. This guy seemed to be super competitive about a lot of things and was also an engineer having a hard time finding a job. I just sometimes wonder that since my career is such a man's field that it creates some tension. I really don't know. I haven't been annoying him with request or anything. Just asked for an apology shortly after the phone call and silence since.
In this case, it sounds like it wasn't anything you did. If he's had trouble finding a job and is unemployed, he might have decided he couldn't deal with that while being in a relationship with a fully-employed peer. In other words, it's not you, it's him.
I'm really only upset he led me on. If he had acted at all not interested I would have been fine but it was just super sudden. We had conversations about the relationship getting more serious and he seemed to be on board. Had even told me about telling other people that we were starting to get more serious. Than bam...no longer wants to see me. This guy seemed to be super competitive about a lot of things and was also an engineer having a hard time finding a job. I just sometimes wonder that since my career is such a man's field that it creates some tension. I really don't know. I haven't been annoying him with request or anything. Just asked for an apology shortly after the phone call and silence since.
Asking for an apology. Giant red flag. It's definitely your personality. It usually is and usually comes out after a few pages of posts.
Only a very insecure man would not be attracted to a successful woman. That they didn't stick around may be a good thing. Were those men successful themselves? Were they all alpha males? What kind of man do you tend to find yourself dating?
I got asked a lot but went out on a a few, if there is no initial attraction I don't really go. The men I met were successful, a fireman lieutenant, an anesthesiologist, pilot, electrical engineer, physician, lawyer, some are younger than me, some older, I looked a lot younger than my real age so its deceiving, I have been asked out by some college kids too, financially I am set, but that does not ever come up until later, I tell them what I do but usually have lots of conversations about them first before I offer any information about me. we go out on neutral places, hang out and NO I did not sleep with any of them, my family is very conservative, I waited for the serious BF before I did, my boyfriend now is very conservative too, we share our beliefs and I am very lucky to have found him. You too will find that perfect guy that would kiss the ground you walked on...
Asking for an apology. Giant red flag. It's definitely your personality. It usually is and usually comes out after a few pages of posts.
I don't see a problem with it. If someone says there's no chemistry but has acted like there was up to that point...to me that seems shady and deceitful. Nonetheless, it is over and hopefully I can spot this better next time.
One thing that is weird that I didn't mention...is that on our weekend together we hung out with his family friends...who immediately added me on facebook. I felt like I had to accept their request. anyway after he broke things off the wife of the friend contacted me to tell me that she was sorry and he can be confusing and dramatic. She also wanted to set me up with someone else... I'm not going to do it.
I'm really only upset he led me on. If he had acted at all not interested I would have been fine but it was just super sudden. We had conversations about the relationship getting more serious and he seemed to be on board. Had even told me about telling other people that we were starting to get more serious. Than bam...no longer wants to see me. This guy seemed to be super competitive about a lot of things and was also an engineer having a hard time finding a job. I just sometimes wonder that since my career is such a man's field that it creates some tension. I really don't know. I haven't been annoying him with request or anything. Just asked for an apology shortly after the phone call and silence since.
From what you've posted about him specifically and what happened before he decided he didn't want to let things go further-your job was not the deal breaker. Honestly it seems like that weekend he spent with you was how he came to the conclusion you two weren't right for each other.
I don't see it as he led you on. You two were dating, there was no agreement that you were exclusive to one another, nor did he promise you he would be your boyfriend after that weekend. You two went on 5 dates, getting to know each other, had sex when you spent a weekend together and during this weekend based on what went on between you two, he realized that you were not a good match and let you know this. It seems like you interpreted the time you spent and the sex to be more meaningful than what it was--as in you believed that based on these things that you were on the same page and wanted the same things. But this was obviously not the case. Which isn't right or wrong-chalk it up to being apart of the dating game. There are many people that go on dates with each other and as they get to know each other determine the chemistry isn't right and they move on. This is what happened. It was not your occupation, it was the chemistry that was the issue. For whatever reason you two were not right for each other.
If your the type of woman that assigns more meaning and emotions to sex then I would advise you to make sure that you are on the same page(you both want the same things, he has clearly told you that he wants to be with you, you understand your arrangement and aren't reading into things etc) with the next man you date. It sounds like he had sex with you and spent a lot of time with you and discovered some things that he wasn't a fan of. My brother is a narcissist who is charming and often brought around women to family and friends that he had no intention on being with. Unfortunately they read into it and believed that it meant that things were progressing, but that was not the case. Which again is one of the not so nice parts to dating, but it happens... What sucks is when your feelings are involved, which seems to be what happened here, but at this point you can't say that he led you on because he had sex with you, spent a weekend with you, and decided he was no longer interested-you two were never in a relationship he is allowed to make that decision.
I'm not sure what your criteria is beyond a man having a full time job that isn't at Casey's but it could be that your attracting men that never had the intention to get involved in a relationship in the first place... I'm sorry this keeps happening to you, I do think you need to consider your beliefs, I can see based on your posts how certain things you've said indicate that you feel badly about yourself--I think working on feeling better about yourself is the first step. The second is really considering the possibility that you may need to relocate, and if that is something you really can't do, your going to have to learn how to filter out men a bit more. Even if a man has all the qualities you want on paper, this does not mean that he is right for you, or that he wants the same things as you, or that you are what he's looking for. This is where you could use the time spent on these initial dates asking the right questions to determine if he's really right for you and paying attention to his answers in conjunction with his actions.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
. But I know I will never find the right one if I don't try.
