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Old 02-09-2008, 04:37 PM
 
Location: Olympus Mons, Mars
4,966 posts, read 8,004,073 times
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If the girl you were with withheld the fact that she had an abortion years earlier would that bother you? But isn't past sexual history off limits? Or is it not?? And does this fact come under the category of past sexual history?

As someone who has very strong views against abortion I would be appalled if I learned of something like this. I don't think I could continue a relationship with a woman who took the life of her own child. For me it's unfathomable that a woman would do this for convenience and I want no association with a woman who thinks this way. However, I realize it is my individual opinion.

But the question, is it a potential dating partner or boyfriends right to know such information or is it reasonable to expect that this type of information is past and private??
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Old 02-09-2008, 04:46 PM
 
Location: Beautiful Kentucky
820 posts, read 2,524,468 times
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Well, I personally believe if you're in a committed and serious relationship, that you share everything about who you are. Our pasts make us who and what we are. I'm a woman and I don't really have any big skeletons in my closet. Perhaps I'd feel differently if I did, but I don't think so. IMO you can only succeed as a couple when there's complete trust and communication.

As far as a man thinking that's a dealbreaker - I can understand. We all have our opinions and what we think is right/wrong. It would be no different than if he disagreed with something else in her life that was in the past. However, he might just be making a big mistake and judging someone when he wasn't in her shoes.

I think part of opening up and sharing about ourselves as we grow in a relationship is being able to trust that you won't be judged for any choices or mistakes that you've made.
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Old 02-09-2008, 04:54 PM
 
Location: Detroit
20 posts, read 55,189 times
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I don't think that would be that big of a deal for me. It would be different if she had a kid, and gave it away to adoption. Accidents DO happen.
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Old 02-09-2008, 05:24 PM
 
Location: Idaho
6 posts, read 9,151 times
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KEYWORD OF THE DAY: PAST....its in the past so why let that bug you?? Are you perfect? Have you done anything bad before? Would you like it if she held that against you???

If you really care and love someone their past should not matter. Its a past for a reason. The past makes her the person you love and care about now. We have all done things we regret and wish would have never happened. I bet you many times she has beat herself up over things like that and caused her ownself mental pain...I do not think she needs someone else doing that for her.

My advice...Deal with it...ITS THE PAST...Love her for who she is NOW not what she has done in her past
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Old 02-09-2008, 07:40 PM
 
2,546 posts, read 5,919,691 times
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I don't think it should matter.
Abortion is a woman's right.
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Old 02-09-2008, 07:44 PM
 
308 posts, read 672,165 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Autumn07 View Post
I don't think it should matter.
Abortion is a woman's right.

Cudo's for Autumn!!!
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Old 02-09-2008, 07:48 PM
 
1,955 posts, read 3,620,623 times
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Myabe she withheld it because it is something painful that happened in her past. Maybe she was not ready to share it at a certain point in the relationship. You don't know if was "for convenience" Maybe she was a victim of rape. Maybe a family member raped her.

Perhaps the girl in question was a different person at the time, and then started dating someone new who she knew was very opposed to abortion, she may be ashamed to share and really fearful of judgment.

Not every past action is indicative of who the person is in the present. I think the girl deserves to be cut some slack and not judged or reviled for her actions.
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Old 02-09-2008, 08:22 PM
 
Location: Camberville
11,382 posts, read 15,961,354 times
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As I don't date females, this is not an issue for me. However, early on in dating (and certainly before getting intimate!), I find out a guy's opinion on abortion. A man could be 100% perfect for me, but if he's against abortion then it's a complete dealbreaker.

There are plenty of things in my past that I won't share with a partner until we have been together for several months at least and they're all much more benign than the abortion issue. If I was to have an abortion, I would not share it with a potential partner unless it became an issue.
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Old 02-09-2008, 08:29 PM
 
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
10,716 posts, read 30,991,155 times
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Everyone has a past and at times there are things in the past that were difficult to deal with, maybe decisions were made that were hard. Its unfortunate that some feel the need to stand in judgement of these things in the past rather then just seeing the person you love today.

You as a couple can sit and discuss how things should be now you are together but you can't expect a persons past to be exactly that way.

Try being compassionate for what must have been a very difficult position rather then being judgemental.
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Old 02-09-2008, 08:59 PM
 
Location: the show-me state
672 posts, read 1,927,421 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lindsey_Mcfarren View Post
Everyone has a past and at times there are things in the past that were difficult to deal with, maybe decisions were made that were hard. Its unfortunate that some feel the need to stand in judgement of these things in the past rather then just seeing the person you love today.

You as a couple can sit and discuss how things should be now you are together but you can't expect a persons past to be exactly that way.

Try being compassionate for what must have been a very difficult position rather then being judgemental.

Lindsey, you got a great post there, and I for sure agree with you. We all gotta be a little careful when we start casting stones at others, I believe.


P.S. I tried to rep you, but the powers that be wouldn't allow it yet.
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