Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 02-13-2008, 01:39 PM
 
Location: Boca Raton, FL
6,882 posts, read 11,199,873 times
Reputation: 10782

Advertisements

I posted before but one thing I want to share is this: misery loves company! Some people just like to see others miserable. I personally believe in counseling - it can work and what is important, they will see you alone but once some trust builds, the other person may begin to open up and then the counselor (without revealing a confidence) can move to open up new communication between the two.

I will tell you that it takes time and both parties in the beginnning are usually not on the same page - one may just wish to get it over with, etc - eventually, it will help.

Baby steps! The trust will rebuild - it takes time. My husband was put in a position where he was emotionally worn down - he had a lot of work stress which he puts on himself. I will tell you this girl was good, extremely manipulative. She made him believe that I (wife) was not open to his opinions, etc.

Example: She would send him an e-mail (joke)
He would respond - "Ha, ha, very funny" (end of e-mail)
She would respond something like: "Unlike your wife, I care about your opinions!

(I have copies of the e-mails).

What she did was interject a thought into his head that he never thought about and worked it. It worked over time. He had dated her prior to our marriage but they had broken up. She looked him up years later after she herself got divorced. There were times when she put me in an embarrassing situation (on purpose) but I was clueless at that point.

His words 4 1/2 years later - embarrassed he ever thought about it, not the type at all. Just a time in his life when he just took the wrong fork in the road. He can't believe he almost jeoparadized all he had for this person.

Stay with it - hope it works - if you can make it, it will pay dividends. And, we are doing great in that department.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 02-13-2008, 01:55 PM
 
6,565 posts, read 14,263,916 times
Reputation: 3229
Quote:
Originally Posted by mconzemius View Post
I am a firm believer that as a wife, you need to please your husband sexually. But, as a husband, you need to please your wife emotionally. Generally, the two go hand in hand. At least in my experience, if I am emotionally happy, he is sexually happy.
It's dance around this all the time but I don't think I've ever heard it put so succinct and to the point.... I actually feel a bit enlightened. Like you took 10 pages of random thoughts in my head and summed them all up in three sentences..... Nice!!!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-14-2008, 05:21 AM
 
Location: Kentucky Bluegrass
28,888 posts, read 30,136,994 times
Reputation: 19062
Quote:
Originally Posted by BeerNPoker View Post
Whew.... For a moment I was expecting an "Up yours" instead.... I can see that those who have personal experience with this type of scenario (not necessarily identical I'll remind) are very concrete on their opinions that any sort of internet hijinks may as well constitute sleeping with someone as far as consequences go........

Our own experiences shape our own opinons for sure and I won't begrudge any of you your opinions either...
I have had married men write to me on the internet....and I have no problem with that, as long as they keep in general and respectful conversation....and wouldn't have a problem with that if I were married and my husband had met women that way. Matter of fact, I write on a poetry page where husbands, write and single women have become friends with them and their wives, so much so, that they've all met from time to time and become good friends. That is the difference....they are not soliciting to have their egos fed, or have the need to solicite for sex. Totally different ball game, yanno?

And your right in some respect, I find that b/c of past experiences, I am quick at times to act out, based on my experiences, which I've learned can surely be in a negative non productive way...sometimes exhaugerrated...but...I do try to catch myself and consider all the facts....adding, I believe that is why I so enjoy this forum..b/c it has helped me be more objective...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-14-2008, 05:26 AM
 
Location: Kentucky Bluegrass
28,888 posts, read 30,136,994 times
Reputation: 19062
Quote:
Originally Posted by mconzemius View Post
When you married him, did he not vow to be loyal to you? My husband and I have gone through some tough times sexually (after having kids, and him not having a job, financial stress, etc..) and he's never gone out looking for someone or something else. He understood my side and waited until I was ready to get back to where we had been prior. To me, it's a "cop out" that you didn't do enough for him. Yes, men are sexual beings, but if he wanted to be able to get some whenever he wanted, he shouldn't have gotten married. I am a firm believer that as a wife, you need to please your husband sexually. But, as a husband, you need to please your wife emotionally. Generally, the two go hand in hand. At least in my experience, if I am emotionally happy, he is sexually happy.

I can't tell you if you should stay with your husband or not. Only you can make that decision. Good luck and I wish you both the best!
A wonderful, logical and very realistic post...especially the part....
I am a firm believer that as a wife, you need to please your husband sexually. But, as a husband, you need to please your wife emotionally. Generally, the two go hand in hand. At least in my experience, if I am emotionally happy, he is sexually happy.

Every single one of us should print this up and paste it somewhere in our homes where we can be reminded of this every day. Women do so act on emotion....BRAVO!!!!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-14-2008, 09:10 AM
 
9 posts, read 36,471 times
Reputation: 21
Default POSTED BY HUSBAND...where he knew I would see it

Personal advice: AVOID all forms of cheating at all costs

Reply to:
Date: 2008-02-13, 10:27AM EST


I felt the need to post some personal advice. If you don't want to be preached to or lectured, you should stop reading now. If you find yourself in a committed relationship and decide to browse the personals section for kicks or anything else you should read on as i have some advice I want to share. I had the perfect marriage....a beautiful loving wife, a house, kids, a good job, etc. One day, i popped onto the "casual encounters" section just for stupid kicks and nothing more. read a few ads and then i was done. came back again, read a few more ads, got bored, then i was done. i found it continously easier each time to browse the ads more and more frequently. That became boring so at some point i decided to "answer" some of these ads , i guess just to see if they were actually for real. to me... not cheating...just stupid kicks and nothing more. Just to remind you...i have the perfect marriage at this time. I don't seem to remember at which point it became so stupid to keep on with this behavior which escalated to the point of me actually answering these ads and giving out my name and phone number in the replies. It was only after i did this crap that i realized what the hell i was doing. Some people don't realize that and go to the next level. thankfully, i realized my problem before it went any further. As "luck" would have it, right around the time i started to gain control of myself and stop this disgusting behavior... my wife found out. The woman that i love beyond all belief. The woman that i made a vow to on our wedding day to be ever faithful. Yes, there are people in the world that continue to think about their sacred vows after the wedding is over. I am lucky to have her in my life and i took everything for granted. And for what?! To see if the ads on here were for real and my true intention was just for personal stupid kicks. nothing more . I never intended to follow through on any replies (which i thankfully didn't get)nor did i actually wish to really meet anyone. Maybe the ads aren't real and the people posting them on the other end are also doing it for stupid kicks BUT THE DAMAGE IT CREATES IS REAL! The perfect marriage doesn't include the word "divorce", guilt, losing trust in your spouse... but now it does. When she approached me about it, i lied to her trying to back my way out of it. i felt if i told her anything else, that things would escalate and completely ruin everything. It was too late because she already knew everything so the cowering up and lying only worsened things. I never thought of what i was doing as "cheating" and it's semantics as to whatever you wish to call it. The result is exactly the same though. If you find yourself in a similar situation, do whatever you can personally to correct it. Help yourself or get help. Most importantly, tell your spouse or significant other about your problem. be honest. I love my wife beyond anything imaginable and i am now looking for a personal counselor and marriage counselor for our perfect marriage. I figured that the amount of time i spent on this thing was used in such an idiotic manner, i could spend a few minutes in a constructive manner and pass along this advice. THINK BEFORE YOU ACT. ARE YOU REALLY PREPARED TO HURT AND DEVASTATE THE PERSON YOU ARE WITH? I'm not telling people how to live their lives. Just make yourself aware of the consequences and if you are prepared to live with them. Think about the situation if you were on the other end. It may not become physically cheating but in hindsight it is mentally. There are many people that just won't care about this advice. I'm hoping it helps at least one person/couple out there. Be well and have a great day.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-14-2008, 09:42 AM
 
6,565 posts, read 14,263,916 times
Reputation: 3229
Ya know, it's funny..... I've been probably the one defending your husband the most, but there's one thing here I simply do NOT believe. I don't think one responds to personal adds just to see if they are real. I can buy browsing them out of being bored or just curious

(May as well come clean. I have browsed these things for kicks before myself which is why I feel there's a legitimate defense, but THIS is not it IMO),

but any response to them where there is TRULY no intent of ever meeting is more of a matter of excitement and spicing up an otherwise dull evening or something. I think there's a little bit of the "I could do this if I wanted to" that makes any excitement palpable and real as well.........

I don't really buy this excuse that he's selling..... Just my opinion.

To further defend my own actions however let's rewind.... In our days of dating we didn't have E-Harmony or Match.com and all of this. We all know people who have met on the internet, etc... We see this stuff plastered all over television in ads, etc.....

There is a curiousity for some of us who will never NEED these sites as to what they're all about (especially for an internet junky who's bored with the internet at the time) and a "what the hell" kind of goofing around with them that seems harmless enough....... There obviously is a line out there that can be crossed where it's gone too far. Initiating contact certainly butts up against that line.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-14-2008, 10:01 AM
 
Location: Kentucky Bluegrass
28,888 posts, read 30,136,994 times
Reputation: 19062
Quote:
Originally Posted by BeerNPoker View Post
Ya know, it's funny....

(May as well come clean. I have browsed these things for kicks before myself which is why I feel there's a legitimate defense, but THIS is not it IMO),

Ahhhhh HAH!!!!!



To further defend my own actions however let's rewind.... In our days of dating we didn't have E-Harmony or Match.com and all of this. We all know people who have met on the internet, etc... We see this stuff plastered all over television in ads, etc.....

No but we had 1-800-babe

There is a curiousity for some of us who will never NEED these sites as to what they're all about (especially for an internet junky who's bored with the internet at the time) and a "what the hell" kind of goofing around with them that seems harmless enough....... There obviously is a line out there that can be crossed where it's gone too far. Initiating contact certainly butts up against that line.
Men???? LOL
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-14-2008, 10:07 AM
 
6,565 posts, read 14,263,916 times
Reputation: 3229
Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee View Post
Men???? LOL
Yeah, yeah, yeah.... Yuck it up....

Seriously though. I was okay with this woman's husband until I saw the strategically placed note out of the "goodness of his heart" to save others his anguish.....

Is that funny or what???

I mean I guess I could see someone wondering if the ads were real and figuring they'd check it out for the hell of it...... No one's ever gonna know, right?? OOPS!!!

This just sounds hokey to me.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-14-2008, 10:09 AM
 
6,565 posts, read 14,263,916 times
Reputation: 3229
Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee
No but we had 1-800-babe
Yeah, but we KNEW those weren't real..... That was like telephone porn....
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-14-2008, 10:33 AM
 
Location: Kentucky Bluegrass
28,888 posts, read 30,136,994 times
Reputation: 19062
Quote:
Originally Posted by BeerNPoker View Post
Yeah, but we KNEW those weren't real..... That was like telephone porn....

no it wasn't...it was a dating service....just ask me, used to work there.... Did I say that? LOL
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 10:45 PM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top