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I have been single all through me life but peers and families have been complaining about this. One Wednesday I jokingly said "May be I need a intimate girl friend". Now my friend found a girl who may be interested in dating me but I am scarred to even start a conversation with her. I was screaming to say the least- "I was just joking... I wasn't serious". To make matters worse, he informed me "she is expecting my call" and gives me her name and number.
I have never had any intimate relationship in my life but have female friends and co-workers.
What am I to do? I wouldn't mine letting this go as far as it may go.I don't want to start a distant relationship and provide a poor representation of me. Nor do I want to scare her off and before you realize it she gets out of the dating scene.
She is presently a student and not willing to rush things- that's what she told my friend. I don't even know her nor have I met her, but like I said before, I would give it a try but honestly I am scared.
Any one provide hints to
reduce or eliminate these fears.
what topics may be included in our first conversation?
what topics should not be included?
Remember, I am in my 30s and have never dated in my entire life, this would be my first time.
Ps just trying to get ideas before I do something stupid.
Well, first of all, this is just the first of many dates for you. Whether that's with this young lady or others. Nothing is riding on this one date, so just relax. As far as conversation, you can ask genuine things about her that you're interested in. Do you know what sorts of things she might be interested in - sports, hobbies, movies, etc. Also, to take some of the heat off, you can start with a short date or a date where you don't have to do a lot of conversation, ie movie.
There's also nothing wrong with being honest and saying that you're nervous. Women find honesty an attractive trait!! Chances are, she's dealing with her own set of nerves. Best of luck to you!
Its one date. You just have to look at it more like "If it works it works -it works. If it flops nothing lost".I think all of us are a bundle of nerves on first dates, even those who date on a regular basis. I think the worst thing you could do is be SO nervous that you are'nt even yourself.Even if I say something slightly stupid on a date- well thats just me- take it or leave it.
Bluegrass is right.
Try to relax, I know that's hard but if she's worth dating she'll try to make it easy...she may even be nervous herself.
As to conversation...talk just as you would to anyone, female firends, co-workers......don't think of it as "date talk"....she's not "a date", she's a person.
Oh, and don't give her your life story...yet.
That short date idea is good , too. Lunch together ???
Oh yeah, and as far as conversation goes, ask questions about her. Don't talk so much that she can't get a word in. I would'nt bring up long term plans such as marriage or kids on a first date. That usually makes me think that a guy is so ready to settle down that he will just "settle" for anyone who comes along.But really just feel it out- there are no definitive rules, these are just general suggestions.
Little background so you know I can really imagine your concern-I am back in the dating scene after being gone for 32 years [yeah, more than you are old]
You have received good advice but here are a couple of real basics
Remember to breath-this is not something that will cause the world to end, but could add more fun to your life
The advice to talk to her as a person is right on-what if you met a stranger, say on a plane, how would you talk to that person? Or a new co-worker? This is really the same thing, just don't put pressure on yourself.
If you find the situation getting tense, excuse yourself and head for the restroom. Once you get there take a deep breath and tell yourself you can do this!
Most of all try to have fun! Positive energy attracts others and is rather sexy. Good luck!
Well, for one thing, a date doesn't exactly have to be a DATE. Although, I had dated here and there, and had even been married once before, I wasn't sure how to get things rolling with the woman I'm now with. As I've mentioned in other posts before, SHE was possibly the hardest woman I've ever known as far as being hard to get to know. I finally ended up just asking her to go shopping with me. We made a day of it, complete with a nice lunch, a walk in the park and just general conversation. No real "date" pressure on either side of the fence. I didn't even attempt to kiss her goodbye at the end of the day. Although, I did open the car door for her, as we went from place to place. We had some good conversation that day, a few laughs, and kind of got to know more about each other. All in all, a really good day. We went from that, to phone calls, to a visit to a musuem together, to finally real dating. It was a slow process, but here we are four years later, engaged to be married. If you're really super nervous, maybe you could try something like that. After all, if you two hit it off, you may end up together the rest of your life. Sometimes, simple is best, I believe. I hope this helps. Good luck to you!
Well, first of all, this is just the first of many dates for you. Whether that's with this young lady or others. Nothing is riding on this one date, so just relax. As far as conversation, you can ask genuine things about her that you're interested in. Do you know what sorts of things she might be interested in - sports, hobbies, movies, etc. Also, to take some of the heat off, you can start with a short date or a date where you don't have to do a lot of conversation, ie movie.
There's also nothing wrong with being honest and saying that you're nervous. Women find honesty an attractive trait!! Chances are, she's dealing with her own set of nerves. Best of luck to you!
Don't know anything about her as of yet, but hope to get information from our first phone conversation. Then may be get to meet her at her convenience. I thought been honest about been nervous would not be starting on a good foot. I would keep your advice in check. Thank's.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Who?Me?!
Bluegrass is right.
Try to relax, I know that's hard but if she's worth dating she'll try to make it easy...she may even be nervous herself.
As to conversation...talk just as you would to anyone, female firends, co-workers......don't think of it as "date talk"....she's not "a date", she's a person.
Oh, and don't give her your life story...yet.
That short date idea is good , too. Lunch together ???
Good Luck and have fun!
I hope she is nervous like I am and I love the fact that you remind me she is a person and not a date.
Quote:
Originally Posted by future1
Little background so you know I can really imagine your concern-I am back in the dating scene after being gone for 32 years [yeah, more than you are old]
You have received good advice but here are a couple of real basics
Remember to breath-this is not something that will cause the world to end, but could add more fun to your life
The advice to talk to her as a person is right on-what if you met a stranger, say on a plane, how would you talk to that person? Or a new co-worker? This is really the same thing, just don't put pressure on yourself.
If you find the situation getting tense, excuse yourself and head for the restroom. Once you get there take a deep breath and tell yourself you can do this!
Most of all try to have fun! Positive energy attracts others and is rather sexy. Good luck!
I definitely would have to take a deep breath before taking the plunge. About starting the conversation does it matter that my friends complain that I am very quiet/ reserve? I am an individual of few words. I just don't like lengthy merry go round conversations.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dennis58
Well, for one thing, a date doesn't exactly have to be a DATE. Although, I had dated here and there, and had even been married once before, I wasn't sure how to get things rolling with the woman I'm now with. As I've mentioned in other posts before, SHE was possibly the hardest woman I've ever known as far as being hard to get to know. I finally ended up just asking her to go shopping with me. We made a day of it, complete with a nice lunch, a walk in the park and just general conversation. No real "date" pressure on either side of the fence. I didn't even attempt to kiss her goodbye at the end of the day. Although, I did open the car door for her, as we went from place to place. We had some good conversation that day, a few laughs, and kind of got to know more about each other. All in all, a really good day. We went from that, to phone calls, to a visit to a musuem together, to finally real dating. It was a slow process, but here we are four years later, engaged to be married. If you're really super nervous, maybe you could try something like that. After all, if you two hit it off, you may end up together the rest of your life. Sometimes, simple is best, I believe. I hope this helps. Good luck to you!
Kiss on the first date would be nerve wrack for me, thank God she is in a different state. What do you define as REAL DATING? please clearify- remember I have never dated. Is it just hanging out because I definitely can do that.
Simple is best indeed, I hope I don't embarass myself and make my friend feel bad wrt "hooking" us up if she complains.
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I wouldn't mine letting this go as far as it may go.I don't want to start a distant relationship and provide a poor representation of me. Nor do I want to scare her off and before you realize it she gets out of the dating scene. 
