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Financial questions are in order if people are living together or marrying or combining expenses in any way, definitely I want to know the debt a person has. That question would come up in the "how are we going to divide expenses when we live together" conversation. No need to know just for dating though.
Definitely need to know sexual history, and the person needs a full panel STD screening that is dated and not anonymous before any bedroom action. No sex without the sex conversation first, and that talk takes place NOT while making out on the couch, but in broad daylight over coffee in a non romantic setting.
Other questions that are hard to ask?
Deal breakers for me are: Do you smoke? Do you drink? Do you do drugs? Do you gamble? No active addictions. Those I can usually tell about the person, so don't need to ask usually, but if not I will ask.
How many times they've been married, do they have kids, how many long term relationships, those I want to know for sure.
So none are really hard to ask....except that I like to know "sooner" rather than "later" because it's easier to walk away without lots of heartstrings attached!
Finances are good to know about, for reasons no one has mentioned yet. I know two couples who have had untold problems over finances.
Couple one, it was his first marriage and her second. They had at least one child, with a couple more from her previous marriage. No problems with the kids. The problem came because her ex-husband was self-employed and way behind on his taxes, they jointly owed around 100K. He settled with the IRS for a pittance, and they went after her for the full amount. The catch was that he didn't tell her about any of it, and she didn't find out until she tried to sell the house she'd gotten in the divorce decree and discovered that the IRS had a lien against it for considerably more than it's market value. It wasn't being sold out from under her, but it meant that if she sold it, she'd have to pay off the remaining balance on the mortgage and the IRS would get the rest, and she'd still owe more. So a family of five continues to live in a 2 bedroom condo and keep on making mortgage payments, which she'd done all along - that was why she got it in the settlement.
The second one was a bit more complicated. The woman had gotten pregnant as a teenager, went to a different state where she had relatives and stayed with them until the baby was born. She got a job, a subsidized apartment, and food stamps. A few years later she met the man she married, and they went back to where she'd originally come from. He adopted her child and they had a couple more. Suddenly out of the blue, he got a bill from the state where the first baby had been born requesting that he reimburse the state for the subsidy and food stamps, because he was now the father! He is also self-employed and makes very good money, but he refuses as a matter of principle to pay for something that took place before he'd ever come on the scene. He asked at one point why they didn't go after the biological father, since they knew who he was, and whoever he talked to said they'd tried, but he didn't have any money, and anyway, he was the father NOW. They've probably spent triple on lawyers what it would have cost to just pay it, but as I said, it was a matter of principle.
And if you marry someone who owes the IRS, you become just as liable for the debt as they are.
Finances are good to know about, for reasons no one has mentioned yet. I know two couples who have had untold problems over finances.
Couple one, it was his first marriage and her second. They had at least one child, with a couple more from her previous marriage. No problems with the kids. The problem came because her ex-husband was self-employed and way behind on his taxes, they jointly owed around 100K. He settled with the IRS for a pittance, and they went after her for the full amount. The catch was that he didn't tell her about any of it, and she didn't find out until she tried to sell the house she'd gotten in the divorce decree and discovered that the IRS had a lien against it for considerably more than it's market value. It wasn't being sold out from under her, but it meant that if she sold it, she'd have to pay off the remaining balance on the mortgage and the IRS would get the rest, and she'd still owe more. So a family of five continues to live in a 2 bedroom condo and keep on making mortgage payments, which she'd done all along - that was why she got it in the settlement.
The second one was a bit more complicated. The woman had gotten pregnant as a teenager, went to a different state where she had relatives and stayed with them until the baby was born. She got a job, a subsidized apartment, and food stamps. A few years later she met the man she married, and they went back to where she'd originally come from. He adopted her child and they had a couple more. Suddenly out of the blue, he got a bill from the state where the first baby had been born requesting that he reimburse the state for the subsidy and food stamps, because he was now the father! He is also self-employed and makes very good money, but he refuses as a matter of principle to pay for something that took place before he'd ever come on the scene. He asked at one point why they didn't go after the biological father, since they knew who he was, and whoever he talked to said they'd tried, but he didn't have any money, and anyway, he was the father NOW. They've probably spent triple on lawyers what it would have cost to just pay it, but as I said, it was a matter of principle.
And if you marry someone who owes the IRS, you become just as liable for the debt as they are.
Finances are good to know about, for reasons no one has mentioned yet. I know two couples who have had untold problems over finances.
Couple one, it was his first marriage and her second. They had at least one child, with a couple more from her previous marriage. No problems with the kids. The problem came because her ex-husband was self-employed and way behind on his taxes, they jointly owed around 100K. He settled with the IRS for a pittance, and they went after her for the full amount. The catch was that he didn't tell her about any of it, and she didn't find out until she tried to sell the house she'd gotten in the divorce decree and discovered that the IRS had a lien against it for considerably more than it's market value. It wasn't being sold out from under her, but it meant that if she sold it, she'd have to pay off the remaining balance on the mortgage and the IRS would get the rest, and she'd still owe more. So a family of five continues to live in a 2 bedroom condo and keep on making mortgage payments, which she'd done all along - that was why she got it in the settlement.
The second one was a bit more complicated. The woman had gotten pregnant as a teenager, went to a different state where she had relatives and stayed with them until the baby was born. She got a job, a subsidized apartment, and food stamps. A few years later she met the man she married, and they went back to where she'd originally come from. He adopted her child and they had a couple more. Suddenly out of the blue, he got a bill from the state where the first baby had been born requesting that he reimburse the state for the subsidy and food stamps, because he was now the father! He is also self-employed and makes very good money, but he refuses as a matter of principle to pay for something that took place before he'd ever come on the scene. He asked at one point why they didn't go after the biological father, since they knew who he was, and whoever he talked to said they'd tried, but he didn't have any money, and anyway, he was the father NOW. They've probably spent triple on lawyers what it would have cost to just pay it, but as I said, it was a matter of principle.
And if you marry someone who owes the IRS, you become just as liable for the debt as they are.
And I thought my life was complicated. I feel so much better now.
Financial questions are in order if people are living together or marrying or combining expenses in any way, definitely I want to know the debt a person has. That question would come up in the "how are we going to divide expenses when we live together" conversation. No need to know just for dating though.
Definitely need to know sexual history, and the person needs a full panel STD screening that is dated and not anonymous before any bedroom action. No sex without the sex conversation first, and that talk takes place NOT while making out on the couch, but in broad daylight over coffee in a non romantic setting.
Other questions that are hard to ask?
Deal breakers for me are: Do you smoke? Do you drink? Do you do drugs? Do you gamble? No active addictions. Those I can usually tell about the person, so don't need to ask usually, but if not I will ask.
How many times they've been married, do they have kids, how many long term relationships, those I want to know for sure.
So none are really hard to ask....except that I like to know "sooner" rather than "later" because it's easier to walk away without lots of heartstrings attached!
Asking the bolded questions are a bit vague, and a bit too soon to judge if the intended person has an addiction. You can say YES to those questions w/o being labeled an addict. Do I drink? Yes. Do I depend on drinking to "be myself"? No. You see how that works?
When I lived in the town I grew up in, a small town where everyone knew everyone else, there was little or no need to ask questions like this, everyone knew everyone else, they knew most of the questions that have been brought up here.
But now a days, people are less likely to live in a community like that, they are more likely to meet someone they have no idea about, someone who could literally be anyone, I guess it has become necessary to ask some questions unless you want to take a leap of faith.
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