Biggest Difference in Income You Dated? (different, people)
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When do you even have that conversation? I have been dating someone for 3.5 years now and we have never discussed how much we make.
Hmmm,
while you may not know the details I am pretty sure that each of you know fairly accurately what the other person makes.
If you are a public school teacher then friend can easily check your salary as it is public record.
If you have any number of common jobs then you friend can easily figure out if you earn $25,000 a year, $100,000 a year or a million a year by what is common for that occupation.
And, both of you can easily figure out the salary range of the other one by some very simple deductions over time. Flying first class? Flying coach? Taking the Greyhound bus? No vacations at all?
Designer clothes? K-mart? Thrift shop?
What someone made was never a factor in my choice to date (or not date) them. As long as they had enough to live to the level of comfort they preferred, I didn't care. Not to say I never knew. I almost always knew because "So what do you do?" is a common question to ask when getting to know someone.
So to answer the question asked, the biggest gap was over $50k. I worked full time. When we started dating he was a free-lance software developer. Later a full time student, so essentially unemployed, and I paid and supported us both. I was never once resentful of this, actually. Yes, I paid for most things, and the bulk of the household bills and mortgage, etc. I truly did not mind, because he was working on school and eventually would be able to contribute equally. I was the primary (and pretty much only) breadwinner for almost 5 years. We've been living together for the last 3. Neither of us resented the fact that I made more and was supporting the both of us during this time.
He later graduated, and got a job almost immediately......and makes significantly more than I do, now. And neither of us resent that he is now the primary breadwinner.
Discussion of finances, and future plans when it comes to savings, frugality, and the like we're done pretty early on when it became apparent that the relationship just might be the type to become permanent, so we've always been on the same page when it comes to what is expected form each of us, now and in the future.
And he proposed a bit over a week ago. :-) So taking a chance on that self-employed-later-unemployed-student sometimes does work out. For us, it just needed communication of needs, desires for the future, and planning. I never minded the disparity because I knew he was working on being able to contribute more equally in the future. He never minded the disparity because he knew he was working on being able to contribute more equally in the future.
I dated a guy 3 years ago who made minimum wage. It only lasted a month. I would never do it again.
Why?
We went hiking and he didn't want to get a smoothie afterwards because he didn't plan it into his budget.
He would have never been able to go on a vacation with me. Not even a weekend trip. I like to travel.
He had to rely on his room mate borrowing him a car to see me.
If we would have had sex and I get pregnant, how could he support a baby if he cannot even afford himself?
He wanted to see his family on the East coast but kept complaining that he doesn't have the bus money.
I went go karting with coworkers and he either couldn't come or I had to pay for him.
I wanted to try out a new restaurant but he couldn't even buy a pizza from Cesars.
I made him dinner and he couldn't even afford to bring a bottle of cheap wine if it wasn't right after he got paid.
He said he is happy with the amount he makes and is a minimalist but kept complaining about not being able to do ANYTHING.
What someone made was never a factor in my choice to date (or not date) them. As long as they had enough to live to the level of comfort they preferred, I didn't care. Not to say I never knew. I almost always knew because "So what do you do?" is a common question to ask when getting to know someone.
So to answer the question asked, the biggest gap was over $50k. I worked full time. When we started dating he was a free-lance software developer. Later a full time student, so essentially unemployed, and I paid and supported us both. I was never once resentful of this, actually. Yes, I paid for most things, and the bulk of the household bills and mortgage, etc. I truly did not mind, because he was working on school and eventually would be able to contribute equally. I was the primary (and pretty much only) breadwinner for almost 5 years. We've been living together for the last 3. Neither of us resented the fact that I made more and was supporting the both of us during this time.
He later graduated, and got a job almost immediately......and makes significantly more than I do, now. And neither of us resent that he is now the primary breadwinner.
Discussion of finances, and future plans when it comes to savings, frugality, and the like we're done pretty early on when it became apparent that the relationship just might be the type to become permanent, so we've always been on the same page when it comes to what is expected form each of us, now and in the future.
And he proposed a bit over a week ago. :-) So taking a chance on that self-employed-later-unemployed-student sometimes does work out. For us, it just needed communication of needs, desires for the future, and planning. I never minded the disparity because I knew he was working on being able to contribute more equally in the future. He never minded the disparity because he knew he was working on being able to contribute more equally in the future.
Men rarely have a problem with the woman being highly-educated and earning more than them. It's the ones who make less (sometimes substantially less) that they treat like garbage. So your situation doesn't surprise me.
What someone made was never a factor in my choice to date (or not date) them. As long as they had enough to live to the level of comfort they preferred, I didn't care. Not to say I never knew. I almost always knew because "So what do you do?" is a common question to ask when getting to know someone.
So to answer the question asked, the biggest gap was over $50k. I worked full time. When we started dating he was a free-lance software developer. Later a full time student, so essentially unemployed, and I paid and supported us both. I was never once resentful of this, actually. Yes, I paid for most things, and the bulk of the household bills and mortgage, etc. I truly did not mind, because he was working on school and eventually would be able to contribute equally. I was the primary (and pretty much only) breadwinner for almost 5 years. We've been living together for the last 3. Neither of us resented the fact that I made more and was supporting the both of us during this time.
He later graduated, and got a job almost immediately......and makes significantly more than I do, now. And neither of us resent that he is now the primary breadwinner.
Discussion of finances, and future plans when it comes to savings, frugality, and the like we're done pretty early on when it became apparent that the relationship just might be the type to become permanent, so we've always been on the same page when it comes to what is expected form each of us, now and in the future.
And he proposed a bit over a week ago. :-) So taking a chance on that self-employed-later-unemployed-student sometimes does work out. For us, it just needed communication of needs, desires for the future, and planning. I never minded the disparity because I knew he was working on being able to contribute more equally in the future. He never minded the disparity because he knew he was working on being able to contribute more equally in the future.
Congrats!!!
I think we should make a difference between people who don't earn much and people who don't earn much but try to do better. You can talk to a person and find out within 10 minutes which ones they are.
I would NOT mind supporting my current bf because he worked his body into the ground in construction and has pain every day. He is a hard working person with ambition and goals.
I WOULD mind supporting my bf if he was partying all his life, has no ambition, is lazy, lived off his parents forever and went to beauty school because it seemed to be the easiest way in life. I would resent him, lose respect and break up.
I think we should make a difference between people who don't earn much and people who don't earn much but try to do better. You can talk to a person and find out within 10 minutes which ones they are.
I would NOT mind supporting my current bf because he worked his body into the ground in construction and has pain every day. He is a hard working person with ambition and goals.
I WOULD mind supporting my bf if he was partying all his life, has no ambition, is lazy, lived off his parents forever and went to beauty school because it seemed to be the easiest way in life. I would resent him, lose respect and break up.
THe guy I dated who works for minimum wage first went to beauty school and then some cooking school so "he can cook for his wife later on and make her hair." But then worked as a mechanic.
How about getting a job that pays enough to be able to afford dinner and a haircut??
Yeah, if I would go to the club now where I used to go in my 20s, there are still people in there from back then. Still hoping to become a famous DJ, while smoking pot and living in their parents basement.
I would know, in very general terms, that most people I dated were in the same economic condition as I.
There is no way I would know how much they made. When I started dating my husband I knew he made more as he had two government jobs. I new we both owned our own houses. Basically that's it.
How did it turn out? I had way more home equity, he had way more borrowing power. His pensions were much larger then mine, and my 401(k) dwarfs his.
I don't think a large discrepancy in living style is ideal (spending / earning).
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Well growing up my mom did not "work" and my dad did, and they have been together about half a century. So I guess that is an infinite difference in income. (His income - Her income)/ (Her Income) = error cannot divide by zero.
I know I know when two people are married it is both their income. Just taking this question and the argue that would naturally follow to the absurd.
However, while some may argue that income matters, I think debt definitely matters. Not being rich isnt stressful but owing people money is.
Some people like making money, its a game to them and also the scorecard.
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