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I would hate to wake up one day and realize I wasted my life by not actually living it, but rather hiding from it out of fear that my feelings might get hurt or I might not always get what I want.
Some people will not make it that far. My biggest regret was wasting my time trying to attract people who didn't give a crap about me.
...an investment of time, energy, money, and your heart. It's a risk and a gamble, and it is the process you go through when you're looking for a romantic relationship with someone. There isn't a way around this, there isn't a screening method that will provide you with a guarantee. You will get hurt, you will hurt someone else. You will experience joy and happiness. You will have to make compromises and sacrifices because it's about two people, not just you.
Why do some think there's a way around having to participate in the dating process to reach your goals and desires?
Dating is an investment, but the ROI flat out sucks sometimes.
They don't want to risk waking up one day and realize they "wasted" their life on someone who was only going to break their heart. They don't want to deal with pain of a love lost. They also have an unrealistic belief that love is all kittens and rainbows. Love is not always fine dining, movies, dancing, romantic walks in the park, there are hardships. Almost everyone wants what they see in movies but that's not real. Love in reality is very different.
In life, there are going to be a lot of failures, disappointments, suffering, sadness, and sorrow. But there is a choice. You either suffer through that and make the best of it, or become an angry spiteful person. They need to learn to accept the good around them. Be kind to themselves and others. There is no limit on bad or good things in life.
Yup.
Many people want to be swept off of their feet and...
I'll put it this way: What many people think is love, is not love. A lot of people are not in love with the person the are with. They are in love with the idea. They are in love with the concept of falling in love as seen in movies and shows.
The reality is much different, but it is actually beautiful. Real love is being willing to make sure that the person you love is doing well. It is not about a perpetual "high" or trance. Or that "ecstasy" which you have a much better chance getting from that drug.
What would you do differently next time? Do you think you get invested too quickly?
I think I killed the mystery and likely became a little too predictable. Part of it was that I flat out wasn't looking for anything, then she came around and everything changed. It's a woman who I had thought was absolutely gorgeous for a couple of years. I also never thought I'd ever have a chance either. Then here we are sharing dinner and drinks together one night and there was a lot of chemistry from both of us. It was kind of a hot and heavy romance that led to a trip out of town after barely 2 weeks of talking. This is where things get a little complicated.
In my years of dating, I've kinda always had a schedule in mind. After a couple of months I'll decide if we want to spend a night out of town or not. I found myself being a little too rigid. With my relationship that ended in January, it had gotten to the point to where I lost a lot of my happiness and we just weren't progressing. It wasn't that we didn't care about each other, it's just as the newness of the relationship wore off, I had realized that she wasn't likely the woman I wanted to spend my life with. Nothing wrong with her personally, but she had some issues going on that she was avoiding to work on and it was causing us some issues. Her and I still chat here and there and I was finally able to share with her how I felt alone in our relationship. I was so focused on trying to make her happy and keep the relationship together that I buried my own happiness. I also had so many relationships that ended at 3 months or less that I found myself not speaking up about issues, because I really wanted my relationship to last longer than 90 days for once. It did this time around, but at the cost of a lot of my happiness.
So this new flame was very new and exciting, so I threw caution to the wind and I think I may have fallen too quickly and it freaked her out. The frustrating part for me is that I don't regret us taking the weekend trip, because it seemed like we both had a really good time. She wasn't distant during the trip and she was cuddly with me too. Something unbeknownst to me happened the following week and she decided to call it quits. I never got the answer as to why and I likely never will.
Deep down I'm a hopeless romantic and I have a hard time hiding those emotions with someone. Since I can be a rigid person at times, I usually know pretty quickly if I don't like a person, and history has shown that for me it very seldom changes.
A person can learn a LOT of essential things about himself or herself while dating and being romantically involved with someone else. That is one of the main reasons why it's ideal to get some romantic experience before the age of 25 or so...before you start to become more and more set in your ways.
There are just things in life that a person simply cannot truly know how they'll emotionally react to...unless they jump in headfirst with a "just do it" mindset and experience them hands-on. Dating is one of those things. Even horrible dates and relationships can still have a silver lining in the form of valuable learning experiences for the future, assuming you are willing to learn and adapt.
Dating is indeed an investment, and yes it sometimes has an undesirable return. (Same goes for friends, work, etc.) That's life...things sometimes don't work out, even if you apparently did "everything right". You will screw up and hurt the other person sometimes, and vice versa. However, part of adult maturity is learning how to deal with poor "ROI" in positive ways and turning the page. And despite the effort needed...if dating feels like "work" to a person, then that person's either doing it wrong or is in a wrong state-of-mind.
It's very difficult for someone to be an intriguing person with an interesting life if he doesn't take some risks and doesn't show any spontaneity. In other words, having a bit of an edge and being able to be "in the moment" every now and then.
Dating is indeed an investment, and yes it sometimes has an undesirable return. (Same goes for friends, work, etc.) That's life...things sometimes don't work out, even if you apparently did "everything right". You will screw up and hurt the other person sometimes, and vice versa. However, part of adult maturity is learning how to deal with poor "ROI" in positive ways and turning the page. And despite the effort needed...if dating feels like "work" to a person, then that person's either doing it wrong or is in a wrong state-of-mind.
A person can learn a LOT of essential things about himself or herself while dating and being romantically involved with someone else. That is one of the main reasons why it's ideal to get some romantic experience before the age of 25 or so...before you start to become more and more set in your ways.
There are just things in life that a person simply cannot truly know how they'll emotionally react to...unless they jump in headfirst with a "just do it" mindset and experience them hands-on. Dating is one of those things. Even horrible dates and relationships can still have a silver lining in the form of valuable learning experiences for the future, assuming you are willing to learn and adapt.
Dating is indeed an investment, and yes it sometimes has an undesirable return. (Same goes for friends, work, etc.) That's life...things sometimes don't work out, even if you apparently did "everything right". You will screw up and hurt the other person sometimes, and vice versa. However, part of adult maturity is learning how to deal with poor "ROI" in positive ways and turning the page. And despite the effort needed...if dating feels like "work" to a person, then that person's either doing it wrong or is in a wrong state-of-mind.
It's very difficult for someone to be an intriguing person with an interesting life if he doesn't take some risks and doesn't show any spontaneity. In other words, having a bit of an edge and being able to be "in the moment" every now and then.
This is an excellent post. Speaking personally, in my teens to early twenties I got turned down so many times I can't even recall. I could have just said screw it I'm not even going to bother but I worked to improve myself and took more risks and things turned around dramatically. Then I had another setback when someone I was in a LTR for several years changed her mind about kids. Although it was a shock, I moved on. Now several years later, I've been been with a woman for close to a year and a half.
Dating is a tough thing, you have to literally negotiate with the individual you are dating for a fair and reasonable.
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