Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 03-18-2016, 05:50 AM
 
8,170 posts, read 6,018,431 times
Reputation: 5963

Advertisements

Initially when I started dating I was looking for a man without kids. Everyone here said that was ridiculous and be open to dating single dads.

So I did...it has been disastrous. Well now I am still attached to the kids from the first man and have visitation, even though him and I broke up.

The second dad's kids disliked my kids, without even being able to give valid reasons, so it prevented us from moving forward.

I shared the news of the latest breakup with three friends. None of them know one another and it was three separate conversations. One is a teacher with a masters in early child hood development and psychology. She is married and her husband is the father of both her children. The other two were single moms, that found child free men that were happy to raise their kids but fine without having their own.

All three said that I need to be dating men with no kids, that are willing to raise mine and don't want any of their own.

My friend with the degree in psychology says my kids really should not have to compete with bio kids for attention. This makes sense and I did see this as an issue. My children do not really have fathers in their lives. The bio kids always took precedence over my kids in my previous relationships as far as the men were concerned. Which is understandable. You love your own kids more.

Looking at other couples, it does appear that these situations work out more so than trying to blend 4 kids into a family. So I will be looking for that type of situation. Relationships are already hard without adding in the stress of making kids happy that have no connection. I am sure If my sons father had kids prior to him and I getting together, we would have never stayed together as long as we did. Although he is weird and thinks that he should parent whatever kids live with him only. He thinks that since he no longer lives with our son and I that he should not have to support or parent the child we have together. But he takes great care of his girlfriends, two kids. I am not sure mentally where he gets that idea from, but whatever.

What situations do you see working out best for single moms back in the dating world? Blending kids or just having a single man entering the established family?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 03-18-2016, 06:13 AM
 
5,428 posts, read 4,433,360 times
Reputation: 7263
Why would a man without kids be motivated to date a woman with kids? Usually, unmarried men without kids are not interested in spending a tremendous amount of time with children that are not their own, such as the amount of time that goes into a parenting type relationship.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-18-2016, 06:22 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,901 posts, read 42,622,264 times
Reputation: 42767
I know people who have married someone without kids and have been a happy family for a long time. I know people who married someone with children and were divorced in a few years. I know people who married someone without kids who ended up molesting one of theirs. I know people with kids who married someone with kids that lived with their other parent. There is no magic formula.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-18-2016, 06:23 AM
 
4,613 posts, read 4,784,008 times
Reputation: 4098
Quote:
Originally Posted by RJ312 View Post
Why would a man without kids be motivated to date a woman with kids? Usually, unmarried men without kids are not interested in spending a tremendous amount of time with children that are not their own, such as the amount of time that goes into a parenting type relationship.
Generally, this. While men may not be actively AGAINST it, it would be very, very rare for a man to go actively looking for a woman with kids.

The mom's priorities are a factor here. If she wants to find someone for the long haul, then she needs to strongly weigh her preferences (in this case, a man without kids)...keeping in mind that this decreases her chances of finding dates in the first place.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-18-2016, 06:33 AM
 
Location: Long Island, NY
308 posts, read 444,468 times
Reputation: 368
Every situation is different. My sister in law is on her second marriage, with a daughter from her first. Her husband had no kids.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-18-2016, 06:34 AM
 
8,170 posts, read 6,018,431 times
Reputation: 5963
Quote:
Originally Posted by RJ312 View Post
Why would a man without kids be motivated to date a woman with kids? Usually, unmarried men without kids are not interested in spending a tremendous amount of time with children that are not their own, such as the amount of time that goes into a parenting type relationship.
I am not seeing this to be the case with my two friends that are with men with no kids. One of them is the leader of the boys scout group that her son is involved with. That man will tell you he is his son even though he is biologically not.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-18-2016, 06:39 AM
 
8,170 posts, read 6,018,431 times
Reputation: 5963
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
I know people who have married someone without kids and have been a happy family for a long time. I know people who married someone with children and were divorced in a few years. I know people who married someone without kids who ended up molesting one of theirs. I know people with kids who married someone with kids that lived with their other parent. There is no magic formula.
My last boyfriend and I both have custody of our kids. So it was a situation where we had kids all the time. The prior only had his kids every other weekend. So it was only chaotic during those times, but the kids liked each other. I had his kids this past weekend so they could all see each other.

It is all tough, but I really feel like no kids is the situation that has the most likely to withstand time.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-18-2016, 06:41 AM
 
8,170 posts, read 6,018,431 times
Reputation: 5963
Quote:
Originally Posted by MikefromNY View Post
Every situation is different. My sister in law is on her second marriage, with a daughter from her first. Her husband had no kids.
And things are working well?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-18-2016, 06:42 AM
 
Location: Long Island, NY
308 posts, read 444,468 times
Reputation: 368
Quote:
Originally Posted by LowonLuck View Post
And things are working well?
So far so good. They have a daughter together now.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-18-2016, 06:43 AM
 
8,170 posts, read 6,018,431 times
Reputation: 5963
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
I know people who have married someone without kids and have been a happy family for a long time. I know people who married someone with children and were divorced in a few years. I know people who married someone without kids who ended up molesting one of theirs. I know people with kids who married someone with kids that lived with their other parent. There is no magic formula.
Do you know any real life Brady bunch situations that have worked out? I can't think of one. Dating men with kids is like trying to recreate the Brady bunch. Especially when the man has custody of his kids. I mostly have mine all the time.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 11:42 PM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top