My wife refuses to do household chores (marry, straight, responsible)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
No indeed, it can't be her fault, exclusively. Nor his.
Since they both live in the house, it must be both their faults that the house is a mess, unless the husband never eats, changes clothing, showers, walks in or disturbs any dust motes whatsoever in the house, nor picks up and moves any item from one place to another, goes through any drawers, uses anything in the fridge nor touches any surfaces. Now if that's the case then he ISN'T at fault.
But otherwise, they're both making messes common to anyone living inside any dwelling. And apparently...nobody is picking anything up. Not her...and not him. Well, unless he's going around the house cleaning like crazy yet it still looks like a "bomb went off in it" somehow even though it's just one person literally sitting around in the house all day (???) or unless he's neatening and straightening and then as soon as he leaves for work, she's taking everything he just put away back out from cupboards and shelves and flinging it everywhere.
How can you respect your husband when he is the kind of person who will have this kind of attitude?
To be fair, he was depressed as well, seriously depressed. We had some huge stuff going on, the primary issue being we were just discovering our son is handicapped and will need supports all his life, and will never live independently.
I think at that time it was all he could do to work and come home and then basically just die on the couch until bedtime.
I feel like his attitude was just an excuse for not having to drag himself around any more than he already was, and just being able to "check out" when he came home.
Things have changed drastically since then and he definitely does his share of the housework and is very conscientious. I have to go back and re-read how I stated things, it was my feeling at the time that he figured I was sort of useless since I wasn't bringing in money but I think that was probably my view of it more than his (in that regard) as I myself felt useless not bringing in money. Apologies, I was about to leave the house and was typing fast.
What I was really trying to underscore was how depressing being at home, especially while not bringing in an income (i.e. not working from home), can get and why. The unbelievable monotony. The assumption that you should be the one to wipe hairs off the bathroom floor, the assumption that you're the one who should do EVERY just plain disgusting chore (even your own self-assumption based on your guilt for not working). Not hearing "great job!" because how great a job can cleaning the kitchen floor ever be? Even if the other half of the partnership has a great attitude about the arrangement I am quite certain depression could happen...especially if the person used to work outside the home.
And for sure unemployed men can go through this depression too, whether they're "expected" to clean the house or not. How many times have we all heard the story of the unemployed guy who lies around on the couch watching TV and spilling Dorito crumbs everywhere and the wife pulling her hair out? Could it be laziness? It could...but...again, particularly if he used to work, and is looking for work now, those are DEFINITELY signs of depression: doesn't want to get up or move around, literally doesn't care any more how slobby things are around him.
Quote:
Now if she has always been like this.... lazy.. not driven. I'm afraid you married her and you gotta find a way to live with it or move on. People only change with a lot of self-motivation which she doesn't seem to possess... even then it is rare.
This is really the big question here and several of us have asked it: has she always been like this? A lot hinges on that. If the OP ever comes back, hopefully he'll clear that up.
He should be! Any good husband should help their wives with this and should definitely be sensitive to how their woman is feeling about this. I've certainly been guilty of not being aware or mindful enough.
I certainly hope my wife knows how much I appreciate her now. I'll never be able to make up for the times I didn't tell her how much I did but I did.
A good marriage is a partnership, not a dictatorship. Hopefully I am self-aware enough to acknowledge my past mistakes, learn from them, grown from them, and become a better man and partner because of them. My wife deserves no less.
divorce over *one* issue. Wow. And don't forget to skip communication and problem solving. I fear for the younger generations.
If someone isn't working, not by choice but circumstance, I don't see it as that means they are responsible for all/most/more house duties as before. It'd be nice sure but not automatic.
I don't really know any husbands who clean. Their wives maybe got them to put dirty clothes in the hamper and they'll load the dishwasher. The ladies still do almost all the work, no matter who works longer/harder. They can't change them so they sigh and scrub the toilet. Not saying it's right, they just are resigned. The guys have no trouble watching TV after dinner while their wife does the childcare and clean up for two hours after dinner.
I work hard all day only to come home to a house that looks like it's been hit by a bomb. My wife isn't working although she is looking for a job, but that doesn't take up that much of her time and she always has plenty of time to do what needs doing at home. I've told her over and over again to pull her socks up and do something, but she's just so lazy and always makes excuses. When I wake up each day, I have to make my own coffee because she doesn't feel any need to do any sort of gesture that tells me that she appreciates what I do. I feel like she's turned into a parasite. No, she has absolutely no psychological issues whatsoever, and no, she's not ill. She's just plain bone idle.
How on earth am I supposed to deal with this? I'm running out of ways to tell her the same thing over and over.
The same way most women do. Make your own dang coffee, go to work, come home and clean the house. Good thing you dont have kids too.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.