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Old 03-26-2016, 12:17 PM
 
Location: Middle America
37,409 posts, read 53,412,743 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PDaisy View Post
I said I don't they should stay. I do know abused people who still love their spouses.
I didn't say anything about staying (or whether or not some abused people continue to love their spouses, for that matter). My point is that being mistreated can, in fact, cause one to stop loving the person mistreating him/her.

You also appear to think I'm talking exclusively about physically abusive relationships, and I'm not. As worded in my initial post, I'm discussing any sort of abuses one may inflict...that may be perpetrating physical harm, but it may also be abusing someone's trust by lying to that person, engaging in infidelity, hiding things, etc. Abuses of trust can absolutely cause someone to stop loving you.

Do some people continue to harbor feelings of love and dedication toward those who mistreat them and abuse their trust? Certainly. There are many emotionally unhealthy people in the world.

Last edited by TabulaRasa; 03-26-2016 at 12:27 PM..
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Old 03-26-2016, 12:19 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
16,961 posts, read 17,288,409 times
Reputation: 30257
How many relationships have you been in, OP? And how many times have you fell 'in love'?
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Old 03-26-2016, 12:50 PM
 
8,781 posts, read 9,427,520 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PDaisy View Post
Even so, it's not loss of love imo. For example, if I gained 100lbs. I'm still me. I'm still lovable. Many men would say they fell out of love. Same with men. Many lose their jobs and get dumped. He still has the same personality. It's not loss of love to me. Unless it's love of look and money.
The type of relationships (romantic/lover) you are speaking of do not "only" rely on "love"
You're attempting to boil everything down to this word, which is a culmination of EVERYTHING leading to the feeling and choice of being "in love"

You are focused the destination and ignoring the road you travel to get their.
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Old 03-26-2016, 01:08 PM
 
93 posts, read 73,657 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut View Post
How many relationships have you been in, OP? And how many times have you fell 'in love'?
I've only feel in love once. I was in two longterm relationships before that and one after (where marriage was proposed). In those three, I cared for the men. However, it wasn't love. Now, I only have short term relationships, because I don't want children or marriage.
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Old 03-26-2016, 01:11 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,192 posts, read 25,116,307 times
Reputation: 22275
Quote:
Originally Posted by PDaisy View Post
I've only feel in love once. I was in two longterm relationships before that and one after (where marriage was proposed). In those three, I cared for the men. However, it wasn't love. Now, I only have short term relationships, because I don't want children or marriage.
And yet you are discounting every one else's experiences because they don't fall in line with what you believe?
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Old 03-26-2016, 01:14 PM
 
93 posts, read 73,657 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rego00123 View Post
The type of relationships (romantic/lover) you are speaking of do not "only" rely on "love"
You're attempting to boil everything down to this word, which is a culmination of EVERYTHING leading to the feeling and choice of being "in love"

You are focused the destination and ignoring the road you travel to get their.
I'm more focusing on the end. To put it in nonemotional terms, it's to me like if someone bought a home. They knew it had flaws. Like a first home/starter home. For this example, let's say they can't afford any other home. It's this home or nothing. They stay there and let's say get a raise and can now afford better homes. Let's say the water heater in the house breaks. Now, the home owner is saying they ONLY want to move due to the house breaking down. No, they were always of the mind set "As soon as I can do better, I'm outta here". I'm not here to say if that's a good or bad things, because it's your/their life. It feels dishonest to me. Like for example I've known a few men who have done this. Got some money and dumped the "starter" wife for hotty totty over there. Then, when the wife gets married and/or the children are adults and over their father, the father is upset but he "fell out of love" and in love with hotty girl. Note, this wasn't a case of the woman being mean or fat. Just aging, sometimes better than the husband, but the husband got more money and more ego. To me, I would "respect" the man more if he said "I divorced my wife, because she's wrinkly" than "I love this new girl" when it's just lust.
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Old 03-26-2016, 01:18 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,192 posts, read 25,116,307 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PDaisy View Post
I'm more focusing on the end. To put it in nonemotional terms, it's to me like if someone bought a home. They knew it had flaws. Like a first home/starter home. For this example, let's say they can't afford any other home. It's this home or nothing. They stay there and let's say get a raise and can now afford better homes. Let's say the water heater in the house breaks. Now, the home owner is saying they ONLY want to move due to the house breaking down. No, they were always of the mind set "As soon as I can do better, I'm outta here". I'm not here to say if that's a good or bad things, because it's your/their life. It feels dishonest to me. Like for example I've known a few men who have done this. Got some money and dumped the "starter" wife for hotty totty over there. Then, when the wife gets married and/or the children are adults and over their father, the father is upset but he "fell out of love" and in love with hotty girl. Note, this wasn't a case of the woman being mean or fat. Just aging, sometimes better than the husband, but the husband got more money and more ego. To me, I would "respect" the man more if he said "I divorced my wife, because she's wrinkly" than "I love this new girl" when it's just lust.
You seem to want to fit all relationships into the same box. They simply aren't all like that. You have no idea what is going on in the minds and hearts of other people. Sometimes people get married for the wrong reasons. Sometimes people get married for the right reasons and things still go wrong - and not petty things like what you are talking about. Gain some life experience and you will have a different perspective. Sometimes things aren't anybody's fault.
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Old 03-26-2016, 01:19 PM
 
93 posts, read 73,657 times
Reputation: 99
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76 View Post
And yet you are discounting every one else's experiences because they don't fall in line with what you believe?
No, because they don't fall in line with the truth. It's human nature. We always want to paint ourselves to be the good guy. I'm one of very people who won't do that. I'm not saying I'm a saint, but I've noticed I'm a very honest person. There have been a lot of times when I could have gotten a lot of money to look the other way or out right lie. Every time, I've told the truth with nothing to gain. You guys don't know me, but my mentality as a kid (well young 20s) that I want to have my cake and eat it too lost me the love of my life. I could go and say, to look good, my ex wanted to get married too young. If I wasn't selfish (as I was) I would have put his feelings above mine one time and been happier in the end for it.
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Old 03-26-2016, 01:27 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,192 posts, read 25,116,307 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PDaisy View Post
No, because they don't fall in line with the truth. It's human nature. We always want to paint ourselves to be the good guy. I'm one of very people who won't do that. I'm not saying I'm a saint, but I've noticed I'm a very honest person. There have been a lot of times when I could have gotten a lot of money to look the other way or out right lie. Every time, I've told the truth with nothing to gain. You guys don't know me, but my mentality as a kid (well young 20s) that I want to have my cake and eat it too lost me the love of my life. I could go and say, to look good, my ex wanted to get married too young. If I wasn't selfish (as I was) I would have put his feelings above mine one time and been happier in the end for it.
There is no "one truth" when it comes to love. Everyone is different. Everyone loves differently. Right now, you believe that you will always be in love with this one guy. Time might tell a different story. And just because people fall out of love doesn't make them petty, shallow, or liars. I was in love with my ex-fiance. He's a great person. We were compatible in a lot of ways. We had amazing chemistry together. But at the end of the day, after a few years, we just didn't have what it took. And slowly, I began to fall out of love with him. And then I met my husband. And I fell madly in love with him and I am madly in love with him to this day. I believe that we do have what it takes. But that doesn't mean that I didn't love my ex. But love alone isn't enough. And love can fade and go away if you don't feed it.
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Old 03-26-2016, 01:42 PM
 
30,907 posts, read 32,923,411 times
Reputation: 26919
Moo?
Quote:
Originally Posted by PDaisy View Post
No, because they don't fall in line with the truth. It's human nature. We always want to paint ourselves to be the good guy. I'm one of very people who won't do that. I'm not saying I'm a saint, but I've noticed I'm a very honest person. There have been a lot of times when I could have gotten a lot of money to look the other way or out right lie. Every time, I've told the truth with nothing to gain. You guys don't know me, but my mentality as a kid (well young 20s) that I want to have my cake and eat it too lost me the love of my life. I could go and say, to look good, my ex wanted to get married too young. If I wasn't selfish (as I was) I would have put his feelings above mine one time and been happier in the end for it.

LOL. "Most other people just want to make themselves out to be the good guy. Me? I'd never do that! I'm way too honest, thoughtful and self-aware, especially as compared to the general population, who are overwhelmingly more impulsive and less honest than I, to do that."

Erm.

"Oh wait, let me throw in some silly story saying I WAS selfish without it really seemingly that way. In the past. Not now. This confession, while still actually making me look good, will give the appearance that I am very honest and boost my credibility."

Well whew. Thank goodness for that last part. Actually, I had to smile. It was just like when you're being interviewed and the interviewer asks you to talk about what flaws you have and you put a finger to your chin, look thoughtful for a moment and say, "Well, I struggle with really being TOO conscientious at times, and I am detail-oriented and perfect my work to a fault. Sometimes this causes me to work late hours and of course, I don't expect pay for that, it's just my silly attention to doing things just right..." (giggles with embarrassment over this admission, blinks innocently a few times)

Actually, the one thing that WOULD genuinely appear to be how you feel is how you accidentally let slip the thing about human nature. When a person holds a very negative belief and can't be talked out of it no matter the bold evidence to the contrary, and insists that it just IS, that's an indication that *she feels* so strongly about it that she can't imagine anyone else not doing so. Kind of like the cheater being certain that "everybody" cheats and if they say they don't, they're lying.
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