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I didn't say you were lying. I said that I think it's funny that you seem to think that you are the only honest person on the planet.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PDaisy
For me, I enjoy my family and friends. I don't have that feeling I have with my ex with other men. I think it would be unfair to them if I married or stayed in a longterm relationship with them. Due to my personality, I'm not happy my ex was married and has a child. While I enjoy him, I don't like thinking of the time we were apart.
So - this whole thread is really just about how YOU can't stop loving someone so you don't believe that anyone else is capable of moving on either. I see.
I didn't say you were lying. I said that I think it's funny that you seem to think that you are the only honest person on the planet.
So - this whole thread is really just about how YOU can't stop loving someone so you don't believe that anyone else is capable of moving on either. I see.
It didn't start off that way. It was me curious as to why people would marry someone with kids and/or an ex spouse if they didn't.
I'm more focusing on the end. To put it in nonemotional terms, it's to me like if someone bought a home. They knew it had flaws. Like a first home/starter home. For this example, let's say they can't afford any other home. It's this home or nothing. They stay there and let's say get a raise and can now afford better homes. Let's say the water heater in the house breaks. Now, the home owner is saying they ONLY want to move due to the house breaking down. No, they were always of the mind set "As soon as I can do better, I'm outta here". I'm not here to say if that's a good or bad things, because it's your/their life. It feels dishonest to me. Like for example I've known a few men who have done this. Got some money and dumped the "starter" wife for hotty totty over there. Then, when the wife gets married and/or the children are adults and over their father, the father is upset but he "fell out of love" and in love with hotty girl. Note, this wasn't a case of the woman being mean or fat. Just aging, sometimes better than the husband, but the husband got more money and more ego. To me, I would "respect" the man more if he said "I divorced my wife, because she's wrinkly" than "I love this new girl" when it's just lust.
Here's the problem with your theory - I don't know a single person who got divorced because they "fell out of love."
I know people who got divorced because their spouse cheated, or abused them, or started using/abusing drugs and/or alcohol and refused to stop, was a pathological liar, was mentally abusive, had mental health issues and refused to go to treatment, changed their mind about having children, stopped working and contributing to the household for years, but I know of NO SINGLE PERSON who just up and decided to get divorced one day because they fell out of love. Not one.
So the truth - since you're big on truth - is that people divorce for a multitude of reasons that don't negate the fact they loved their spouse at one time.
40 years old, been in one failed relationship, and now an authority on love/truth
Yeah okay
I'm more of an expert than a lot of people in this thread. I didn't enter or leave relationships for superficial reasons. I also didn't get divorced or set up a broken/single family home for a child.
This is my thing. I think people (on all matters, no just love) really know why they do things. As society, we're pressured to give appearances. Like I said with the house example. If I can afford a big mansion, I would just tell people "I'm tired of my little house. I want a big one now". Other people would say "The school zone in expensive town is better". Like they can't send their kids to private school or hire a tutor. I'm just saying I wish people would be more honest. I don't think people don't know themselves.
Generally people look at many factors when buying a new home. Size, location, schools, style, etc. So saying that the house in the new area is in a better school zone may have been a big selling point for them.
Similarly, people leave relationships for many reasons. Sometimes they would rather not air the dirty laundry to everyone so saying that they aren't in love anymore is a way to keep from going on and on about the dirty details. Maybe they don't want to be the person who is dogging their ex, so it's a nice way to say none of your business.
Why do you feel the need to hear the exact reasons that someone elses relationship failed? Unless it was your relationship, then you don't really need to know anything about it at all.
Here's the problem with your theory - I don't know a single person who got divorced because they "fell out of love."
I know people who got divorced because their spouse cheated, or abused them, or started using/abusing drugs and/or alcohol and refused to stop, was a pathological liar, was mentally abusive, had mental health issues and refused to go to treatment, changed their mind about having children, stopped working and contributing to the household for years, but I know of NO SINGLE PERSON who just up and decided to get divorced one day because they fell out of love. Not one.
So the truth - since you're big on truth - is that people divorce for a multitude of reasons that don't negate the fact they loved their spouse at one time.
Same here...either it was one explosive, non-livable thing (or a series of them), such as an affair or drug use or abuse (and especially if abuse of the children were happening), or some giant mega-lie like the person had a gambling problem and that's where the money kept disappearing to (and the person was unable to change or unwilling to), or it was a slow and painful erosion over time of many things and often the divorce came after they'd tried a variety of resuscitation methods, such as counseling, AA or what-have-you.
I don't know that I know anyone who literally says they "just fell out of love" all of a sudden and therefore, they divorced, upheaved the kids' lives, spent thousands on attorneys, had to sell the house and so on based on a "meh, I fell out of love, just not into it so I guess I'll jet" whim. I suppose such instances must exist; there are, after all, irresponsible people in the world. But then again, one can find one or more examples of anything outrageous; that doesn't make it the norm or the overwhelming majority by any means.
Now. When a person is literally asked "Why did you divorce?" and s/he doesn't feel it's the asker's right to hear 20 years worth of personal angst and every step taken along the way in an attempt to save the ship, YES, then that person might SAY to the asker, "We fell out of love...it's a long story" or whatever, because who the hell has the time to outline years of one's life and who even wants to, most of the time? That's private information. It's also a quick way to get a nosy person off one's back, I'd imagine. Because how the hell is it that person's business? In that case I'm just going to give you a throw-away line and quickly change the subject. That doesn't mean I'm casual about the whole thing or that it was all simple, it means YOU are not privy to access to my personal life, my former marriage or my feelings, so back the flark off.
Also, the person might just be protecting the ex. Not all divorces or horrific and ugly. Or you might be protecting yourself, your dignity. Rather than saying "Well, he cheated on me because he couldn't stand my aging body and he was feeling insecure about his own aging, and it hurt me horribly and now I think he's a son of a b---," you might say, "We just grew apart."
But all of this doesn't mean it's impossible to stop loving someone nor that the two never loved each other. That's just plain silliness and makes no sense whatsoever.
I've noticed in my family, a lot of people are on their second spouses or married to someone who is divorced or had a baby momma or daddy. To me, this is not negligible. I feel the person still loves their former spouse. If you're a second spouse, what do you feel about your partner's first spouse and baby momma/daddy?
If I meet someone that has a kid I know full well that the kids dad will be a part of her life and obviously in my eyes it's not a problem as the kid comes first.
I would also realise that she was with ME for a reason .
If I meet someone that has a kid I know full well that the kids dad will be a part of her life and obviously in my eyes it's not a problem as the kid comes first.
I would also realise that she was with ME for a reason .
Look who is back......
As far as former relationships those have nothing to do with me and happened and were over well before I ever came along.
I'm more of an expert than a lot of people in this thread. I didn't enter or leave relationships for superficial reasons. I also didn't get divorced or set up a broken/single family home for a child.
It is impossible to be an expert in relationships with such limited experience. If you haven't fall in or out of love, or had a relationship run it's course, or been hurt by betrayal, you really aren't in any position to speak of what others have experienced firsthand.
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