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Old 03-28-2016, 12:58 PM
 
Location: New York City
7,129 posts, read 5,504,284 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by el_marto View Post
I'm wondering what the point in marriage is, tradition aside. The foundation of it* seems flawed and I'm not sure what benefit it gets you beyond maybe a little tax break.

*To be more specific... If you're marrying someone you should trust them (at least in "the West"). If you genuinely trust their words then you don't need a legally binding contract to hold them to any promise. And the contract has no ability whatsoever to stop two people falling out of love, so what is it doing exactly? If that happens and the relationship is dead, the contract just makes it much harder to be honest about it being dead. So yes, it can force people to stay together, but what kind of a life/relationship is that? The need for a contract to lock someone down like that and force them to stay reeks of insecurity to me. You should only want to be with someone who wants to be with you.

So what's the deal here married people, why did you want to get married, what has it got you that you didn't have before?
Marriage = kids & tax breaks
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Old 03-28-2016, 01:06 PM
 
Location: Venus
4,263 posts, read 2,804,284 times
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When I was first married at the ripe old age of 19, I did it out of some romantic notion that I would live "happily ever after." Unfortunately, I married the wrong person for the wrong reasons and at the wrong time. The marriage lasted 6 years.

After that, I dated, I even lived with someone but just didn't find that special someone. I had dreams of remarrying but I wasn't going to get married for the sake of getting married. Been there, done that.

After about 10 years or so, I finally met HIM! I knew he was the one but he wasn't ready for me, yet. So, I waited. After about 4 years or so of dating, we finally moved in together. At this time, I wanted to marry him but still waited until he was ready. I knew if I pushed him before he was ready, he would resent me. Finally, after living together for 5 years, he asked me to marry him. Of course I said yes without hesitation (and would do so all over again after our 12 years-so far as a married couple).

To answer the question what was achieve? First of all, I changed my name. I had been carrying my first husband's name for all those years. I know I COULD have gone back to my maiden name after the marriage ended but it was really complicated to do so at the time. (Long story.) Another thing was that I was able to get on his insurance. Also, I was able to get a small raise because I could claim him as my dependent-which cracks us both up-on my pension from the USAF.

What did he get? He got a dependent military ID card that opens a few doors.

It also makes things easier when it come to medical issues. Doctors are willing to talk to me as they are willing to talk to him.

But, the most important thing that I got was my wedding ring which tells me (and the world) that I have someone who is very special to me-that we are together. I got a wonderful husband who I would not trade for ANYTHING! And we threw one hell of a party when we (literally) tied the knot!



Cat
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Old 03-28-2016, 01:21 PM
 
11,396 posts, read 12,667,448 times
Reputation: 12424
Quote:
Originally Posted by Just A Guy View Post
God and religion are not prerequisite for morals. If anything, people who aren't guided by God and religion are often more "moral" than people who are guided by those things.
I never mentioned religion.

It's a vow you make to God.
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Old 03-28-2016, 01:23 PM
 
32,748 posts, read 22,697,194 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by funymann View Post
I never mentioned religion.

It's a vow you make to God.
Whose God? And any god isn't needed for morality.

There are loads of very moral people that aren't at all superstitious.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Just A Guy View Post
God and religion are not prerequisite for morals. If anything, people who aren't guided by God and religion are often more "moral" than people who are guided by those things.
Absolutely true.
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Old 03-28-2016, 01:25 PM
 
726 posts, read 664,699 times
Reputation: 1710
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ms.Mathlete View Post
Which perks? A portion of your assets... or the luxury of having someone else take care of the bulk of household upkeep, cooking, child care, and the million-and-one bits and pieces that you didn't have to worry about before?
Which part of that needs to potentially involve lawyers? (Child aside)
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Old 03-28-2016, 01:27 PM
 
6,307 posts, read 7,136,676 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by el_marto View Post
Which part of that needs to potentially involve lawyers? (Child aside)
Any and all parts of it, potentially?
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Old 03-28-2016, 01:30 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,907 posts, read 34,995,988 times
Reputation: 42371
Quote:
Originally Posted by el_marto View Post
OK some interesting points so far, but a further question: The positives mentioned here so far do sound nice, but if you're the one in the relationship who does the earning/providing, are these little perks worth the risk of losing big time if a divorce happens?
We both have jobs, so I couldn't tell you.
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Old 03-28-2016, 01:32 PM
 
489 posts, read 209,019 times
Reputation: 879
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
Whose God? And any god isn't needed for morality.

There are loads of very moral people that aren't at all superstitious.
If this is your point of view, then how can you believe in 'morality' to begin with? The concept of morality (and ethics) is based on 'right' and 'wrong'. If there is nothing but matter, how can a materialist subscribe to such a superstitious metaphysical notion as 'morality'?
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Old 03-28-2016, 01:33 PM
 
Location: Polynesia
2,146 posts, read 1,108,545 times
Reputation: 3677
Our kids were grown when my husband and I married. He pushed for it and really insisted on marriage. I didn't think that I wanted to ever marry again until after I met him. He made it clear early in our courtship that he wasn't interested in any half-ass, fear-based "domestic arrangement". He was looking for the real deal and if I wasn't on board for that possibility, he would not have continued to date me.

In my previous marriage and relationships, I was always the higher earner and my divorce cost me plenty, financially and emotionally. I was fearful but I decided to take a chance. Best gamble I ever took.

In addition to the practical reasons mentioned, I like the symbolism of marriage and the emotional stability I feel as a result. We are bonded together as a family. A real family that connects us together in a deep and fulfilling way. I also appreciate the ritual of the marriage ceremony, declaring our love and commitment to the whole world. It was cool.
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Old 03-28-2016, 01:36 PM
 
Location: New Yawk
8,654 posts, read 4,792,536 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by el_marto View Post
Which part of that needs to potentially involve lawyers? (Child aside)
All of it. The courts recognize the contributions of the other spouse, even if he/she did not generate a paycheck.
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