U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 1.5 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Jump to a detailed profile or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Business Search - 14 Million verified businesses
Search for:  near: 
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 02-11-2008, 03:48 PM
 
64 posts, read 177,170 times
Reputation: 64
Question What is emotional abuse?

Anything with "abuse" in the title sounds so severe, but I have been reading about it because someone close to me seems to fit some of the symptoms of being emotionally abused.

She has brought up the phrase because of the reading she's done and also her therapist has mentioned that may be it.

Her husband is generally a nice guy, doesn't try to isolate her from friends/family (in fact, seems to encourage her to be with us), nor does he call her mean names, rather, he is very complimentary to her and about her in front of others, anyway, and she says he is that way when they're together.

What he does do, she says, is "tests" her a lot. As in doesn't talk and then gets mad when she doesn't talk and then says he was testing her to see how long she would go without saying anything (like on a car ride or something).

Or he also gets mad about things that neither she nor I understand and then insist she apologize and say things like "should I treat you the way you treat me." As in, he thinks she treats him badly.

I don't know. I want to be supportive of her and I do think he's not someone I would really want to be with, but I just wonder if "emotional abuse" is really the name for this.

Interested to hear what others think.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 02-11-2008, 04:11 PM
 
Location: Anchorage, Ak
1,413 posts, read 1,725,472 times
Reputation: 1310
sounds like he's being passive-aggressive
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-11-2008, 04:30 PM
 
12 posts, read 29,404 times
Reputation: 14
I would call his "testing" bouts of immaturity rather than emotional abuse. She has the means to break the silence as much as he does. Is she "testing" too? Some view silence as the other being upset at them...(just ask my husband...lol). We've gone through this a few times, but after communicating, we both agreed that sometimes, silence is golden!

Emotional abuse is trying to purposely destroy ones spirit...making demeaning statements, calling names, isolation being extremely jealous of them being around others, which stems from insecurity that they have. I've lived that life with my ex. It breaks a person down...and that's their goal.

IMO, I think they should have a heart to heart talk to understand just what it is the other is needing/wanting. No one should feel pressured to talk just for the sake of making noise. Sometimes, a couple can ride for miles and miles in silence and it's OK. On being crabby over little things...maybe he had a bad day?

Hope things work out for them both!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-11-2008, 04:34 PM
 
Location: Capitan, NM
7,064 posts, read 11,531,924 times
Reputation: 3333
I wouldn't call it emotional abuse. It's more of a game he plays with her and she doesn't realize it, but when she plays along with it, she feeds him and he continues doing it.
My first husband was like this. I fed into this until one day, I got fed up and started rolling my eyes, etc. He got mad at first but it stopped him.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-11-2008, 05:07 PM
 
25,170 posts, read 32,962,870 times
Reputation: 6675
haha uh ya that is emotional abuse but it also means he doesn't think he has much of a marriage. IMO it seems like he thinks it is all an act and he doesn't have much faith or belief in the marriage.
So either he is sort of not into the marriage and trying to make her feel guilty for dumb reasons, because he isn't truly into her or the marriage, or he thinks she is not into the marriage and is feeling really anxious and insecure because maybe she is sending hints that she doesn't like him anymore. Pretty strange but it looks like the start of a bad marraige.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-11-2008, 05:08 PM
 
20,389 posts, read 15,848,513 times
Reputation: 8143
Get a cell phone for the car, when he will not talk, someone else will. I would call a man. (I am female)
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-11-2008, 05:09 PM
 
25,170 posts, read 32,962,870 times
Reputation: 6675
lol yes.

He is either passive aggressive or she is passive aggressive. Passive aggressive people start arguments and make others feel guilty for really no good reasons.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jefetio View Post
sounds like he's being passive-aggressive
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-11-2008, 05:23 PM
 
Location: Silver Springs, FL
23,444 posts, read 16,650,252 times
Reputation: 15560
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jefetio View Post
sounds like he's being passive-aggressive
along with manipulative, and immature, sounds like HE needs therapy!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-11-2008, 05:28 PM
 
Location: NoVa
17,307 posts, read 16,397,342 times
Reputation: 17279
This does not sound like emotional abuse to me... sounds like a bit of a jerk, but not emotional abuse
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-11-2008, 11:43 PM
 
Location: Coachella Valley, California
15,184 posts, read 24,424,131 times
Reputation: 12265
This guy sounds like a nut job. Perhaps when there is dead silence in the car she should blow a whistle into his ear. Hell, he couldn't say she didn't make a sound.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $79,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2014, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25 - Top