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Old 03-29-2016, 10:19 AM
 
4,608 posts, read 3,551,856 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
DH is retired AF. They actually train the recruits to be on the look out for / and stay away from people like you.
I always wondered about this. I'd hope that something like that was in place, maybe during recruitment or psych eval or something...but I didn't know.
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Old 03-29-2016, 10:24 AM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
27,336 posts, read 17,536,235 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hivemind31 View Post
I always wondered about this. I'd hope that something like that was in place, maybe during recruitment or psych eval or something...but I didn't know.

Yeah, not so formal. "You see that slim young thing eying you up? You know what she sees? DEERS and TRICARE. She wants babies and you will do. She just wants to start weight 200 lbs as soon as possible and once she gets you, Uncle Sam will make sure you take care of her forever even if you have to live in a cardboard box!"


I dunno. Stuff like that. I always like the Marines stance "If we want you to have a GF we will ISSUE you one"
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Old 03-29-2016, 10:33 AM
 
Location: Greater LA area
15,675 posts, read 11,673,429 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gab12 View Post
If you are in a relationship with a military man or have been, how did you meet them? I have dated some that I met online but now as I look at job options I am looking in other states that are heavily military populated but I keep getting interviews here in my state which isn't. I REALLY REALLY painfully want a military husband because they are buff and strong and manly and hot and have good morals and standards just everything. I'm just concerned if I take a job here that I'm never going to branch out or find a husband and I won't meet military men. I know it's a strange desire but military men marry quickly especially if they are close to being deployed and I want to be married quickly and I would love them and give them a beautiful family. I'm just torn especially about finding a job because idk where to look based on my life desires I don't want to get stuck here where I am. What do I do I feel afraid to turn down job opportunities though because what if I don't get anything in the other states!? I'm just totally panicked like always lol
being military doesn't necessarily mean they are buff or strong. My ex wasn't. He was slow, chubby and weak.


The military spouse life is tough. I know many women who were alone when their babies were born or were sick, graduated, etc. etc. because their man was always deployed and their family in a different state. You are like a single person but without the fun.


Every time you find a good career, you have to move again and start from scratch. The military owns your husband, they don't care if you are pregnant, sick or jealous - they send him wherever they want for how long they want and no temper tantrum or argument will make a difference. You have to be a very strong person and keep his back open with all the chores at home.


You never know if you husband is getting shot at right now or is cheating. Think twice before you date a military guy. You are more alone than together.


You can start pen paling single guys who are deployed, there is a program. I forgot the name but just google it. It is called "write a soldier" or "operation shoebox."
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Old 03-29-2016, 10:38 AM
 
Location: Middle America
35,804 posts, read 39,237,223 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hivemind31 View Post
I always wondered about this. I'd hope that something like that was in place, maybe during recruitment or psych eval or something...but I didn't know.
It's not part of psych evaluation. It's just senior leadership saying look, here are the typical pitfalls to steer clear of. And, of course, many don't really follow that guidance. My husband used to have to approve chits for the newly enlisted to get married, because you can't do it without permission in that phase. The Navy's official line isn't anti-spouse, but senior leadership will always warn against major lifestyle changes for new recruits, because they're already in the midst of major lifestyle changes.
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Old 03-29-2016, 10:49 AM
 
2,937 posts, read 1,655,725 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gab12 View Post
I know that life happens differently for everyone. Its just that this is ALL I want like I would sacrifice everything else I just want to be married and have a family. It's unfair that I have to have CP and deal with this because I didn't ask for this life
Comparison is the thief of joy.


I still have no clue how you are getting a Masters in SW and NONE of your professors have picked up on it? Sorry, I just don't by that what over 50+ different strangers on the Internet have picked up on what your professors haven't.

I don't understand how you expect to be a clinician or a therapist and help others if you don't help yourself first. And I know your standard response is you can be a great therapist without yourself getting therapy.

Quote:
Originally Posted by GKelly View Post
I like buff men too but I'm expanding my horizons by thinking of doing martial arts, crossfit, tough mudder, etc. If there was a site to date spies I'd probably be into that. Think Archer.
I really hope this is sarcasm.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
DH is retired AF. They actually train the recruits to be on the look out for / and stay away from people like you.
Yupp, and when they get back form deployment they get warned again.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
Yeah, not so formal. "You see that slim young thing eying you up? You know what she sees? DEERS and TRICARE. She wants babies and you will do. She just wants to start weight 200 lbs as soon as possible and once she gets you, Uncle Sam will make sure you take care of her forever even if you have to live in a cardboard box!"


I dunno. Stuff like that. I always like the Marines stance "If we want you to have a GF we will ISSUE you one"
And yet even the most blunt of an approach doesn't always work. You can't fix stupid.

I will admit though, I've heard some pretty crazy stories and a few outright horror stories.
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Old 03-29-2016, 10:50 AM
 
Location: Middle America
35,804 posts, read 39,237,223 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve View Post
being military doesn't necessarily mean they are buff or strong. My ex wasn't. He was slow, chubby and weak.


The military spouse life is tough. I know many women who were alone when their babies were born or were sick, graduated, etc. etc. because their man was always deployed and their family in a different state. You are like a single person but without the fun.



Every time you find a good career, you have to move again and start from scratch. The military owns your husband, they don't care if you are pregnant, sick or jealous - they send him wherever they want for how long they want and no temper tantrum or argument will make a difference. You have to be a very strong person and keep his back open with all the chores at home.


You never know if you husband is getting shot at right now or is cheating. Think twice before you date a military guy. You are more alone than together.


It really depends on the specifics of the role of the serviceman/woman within military structure as to how hard it is on a day-to-day basis. Our life isn't very impacted right now, because he's a reserve chief. But even active duty, we weren't apart because it was shore duty, instructor billets, etc. All his deployments were before we met, and he volunteered for them. When we've moved, it's been because he volunteered for orders. There are still scheduling inconveniences, but it's not been a hardship. It really does vary quite widely. He didn't miss our son's birth, got to schedule training around it, etc. I have a portable career, so PCSing isn't the doom it could be, plus I can work on bases.

There are milspouses who are nonstop drama, yes. Go lurk on a milspouse forum and watch the crazy. But there are loads of normal people with solid marriages, too. Usually the ones who aren't children themselves and lived other adult lives before marrying into the military.
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Old 03-29-2016, 10:51 AM
 
Location: 🇬🇧 In jolly old London! 🇬🇧
15,672 posts, read 7,657,281 times
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Personally I couldn't date military personnel well not seriously.

I really do have nothing but respect for military men and women but It's the long nights worrying that would be too much for me, it's a dangerous job to say the least.

I know it's not the same but I've dated nurses,a paramedic and a junior dr that worked in a hospital in the NHS, now the dangers that brings from tramps, drunks, people turning violent and aggressive when they have lost a loved one etc has kept me up many a night from being worried.

Now abroad in a war zone is worse, I've been worried about friends in Afghanistan but a girlfriend/wife....... Would be unbearable.

Honestly my heart goes out to the partners of military personnel in this situation and are a lot stronger than me
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Old 03-29-2016, 11:05 AM
 
Location: Middle America
35,804 posts, read 39,237,223 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Londoncowboy30 View Post
Personally I couldn't date military personnel well not seriously.

I really do have nothing but respect for military men and women but It's the long nights worrying that would be too much for me, it's a dangerous job to say the least.
That was always my thought.

Them when I was 35, I merry a cool guy, and that happened to be his job. *shrug*

Danger is relative, too.

When my spouse was in Iraq, he always notes that he was actually much safer than when he was working for the Reserve as a member of the funeral honors guard here at home. Yes, he was more likely to be killed in an auto accident during the thousands of highway miles he logged covering military funerals all over two states than he was sitting in a communications command in Baghdad.

I know when people think military, they think combat roles. But there loads and loads of roles that rarely represent anymore danger than a civilian position. The military operates like any other community/employer. There are admins, tech support, HR type roles, PR people, recruiters, trainers, maintenance people, mechanics, food service, postal service, counselors, chaplains, medical professionals, engineers, etc. It's not all black ops.
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Old 03-29-2016, 11:14 AM
 
Location: 🇬🇧 In jolly old London! 🇬🇧
15,672 posts, read 7,657,281 times
Reputation: 12385
Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post
That was always my thought.

Them when I was 35, I merry a cool guy, and that happened to be his job. *shrug*

Danger is relative, too.

When my spouse was in Iraq, he always notes that he was actually much safer than when he was working for the Reserve as a member of the funeral honors guard here at home. Yes, he was more likely to be killed in an auto accident during the thousands of highway miles he logged covering military funerals all over two states than he was sitting in a communications command in Baghdad.

I know when people think military, they think combat roles. But there loads and loads of roles that rarely represent anymore danger than a civilian position. The military operates like any other community/employer. There are admins, tech support, HR type roles, PR people, recruiters, trainers, maintenance people, mechanics, food service, postal service, counselors, chaplains, medical professionals, engineers, etc. It's not all black ops.
Yeah actually after posting that I was thinking about that and actually what you touched on entered my mind ( great minds LOL ).

I've lost a good mate in Afghanistan and have worked with a couple of ex paratroopers that were obviously in combat so the combat side of things is always my first thought when I say military or army etc.

Going on from that I've worked with one that thought my job ( scaffolder in construction ) was more dangerous than which naturally I couldn't believe LOL.

Yeah thinking again you are right I didn't look at it from that point
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Old 03-29-2016, 11:17 AM
 
3,037 posts, read 2,330,655 times
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Hmm. I was in NYC this weekend and soon as I stepped off my train, I saw many military men standing around like they were guarding stores and ish. I have no clue why they were there. I was dressed in sweats, gym shoes, no make up, and had my hair in a messy bun. My son was in tow. Tell me why I got hollered at by these men? They were first oogling me like I was a peice of meat, and then like three different ones walked over to me and tried to ask me if I needed help. Granted I did(was lost asf) but i put on my b**** face and refused their help. they were just too thirsty. I don't consider myself a dime, but I know I'm above average in attractiveness even without looking dolled up--so I wasn't surprised that they were interested, even with my son with me lolz. But the thirst was too real and they were acting like they hadn't seen a woman in a while, which was strange since there were many other women around(many attractive ones) I felt like they were drawn to my dressed-down, single mom, lost-helpless-look, because that is exactly how I looked lol!!!!

take that to say that getting one of these men doesn't seem like it would be complicated if your attractive enough, look harmless and nice, and give off an aura of needing to be saved, and are in a location where there is an abundance of them. This is just my experience(as it happened again when I left New York to go to Philly and had to go through the same station). I don't believe all of them are this way by a long shot. I can see why you want a military man though, from what I know they tend to marry and settle down quickly.

Good luck op.
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