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My experience: if you're in your 40s and well dressed, decent looking, cultured, articulate, respectful, live in a metropolitan area, and don't have kids or animals taking up your time, you can absolutely kill it with online dating.
I found that most of the women I meet in real life are in their 20s and great for something casual, but I prefer to be with a woman in my age bracket so did the online dating. I only messaged women that were absolute hail marys (artistic hipster girls don't have much interest in guys who dress well and can't grow facial hair, unfortunately), but otherwise in my case the women were the ones sending the initial message. Including my girlfriend. Such a relief to deactivate my profile, btw.
I can't compare it to dating in your 30s, since I was married then. But late 30s/early 40s many of the previously married women are entering the market and desperate for affection and to be treated right.
My experience of OLD when I was in my mid-40's was fantastic. I've never been a really good looking guy, but as I got older I didn't age as fast as my peers. So I'm tall, in decent shape because I still do a lot of hiking and running, plus am gainfully employed. Despite being broke because I just got out of a divorce I had more dates than I knew what to do with. I dated women slightly younger than me and found that women in their early 40's was a great age bracket. Found a long term partner within 6 weeks of dating the first time and found another long term partner within 9 weeks the second time I did OLD.
Now I have a friend that is around my age and he is on the short side, going bald and is heavy set. Essentially looking for the female version of himself, so is realistic about his options. After 5 years of OLD he has dated 200+ women and only found 1-2 that turned into a relationship that lasted longer than a few months.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hendu
My experience: if you're in your 40s and well dressed, decent looking, cultured, articulate, respectful, live in a metropolitan area, and don't have kids or animals taking up your time, you can absolutely kill it with online dating.
I found that most of the women I meet in real life are in their 20s and great for something casual, but I prefer to be with a woman in my age bracket so did the online dating. I only messaged women that were absolute hail marys (artistic hipster girls don't have much interest in guys who dress well and can't grow facial hair, unfortunately), but otherwise in my case the women were the ones sending the initial message. Including my girlfriend. Such a relief to deactivate my profile, btw.
I can't compare it to dating in your 30s, since I was married then. But late 30s/early 40s many of the previously married women are entering the market and desperate for affection and to be treated right.
I'm not the bolded, but for the rest, I 100% agree with you, but I do like the artistic hipster types so I'm good there. Spot on post though. OLD is a freaking gold mine.
In some ways its easier to date older. But some ways its not. Many are stuck in their ways or unwilling to compromise.
Bleah, that was my issue with dating 40somethings when I was 30 and why I only (more than one date) dated one 40 at that time. It may have just been the luck of the draw but holy Hanna, these men were SO stuck in their ways and borderline stodgy. OP, break that mold, be active, fun, interesting...and interested in life, young, keep your looks up and care about how you dress and you should be ahead of the pack right off the bat.
I am curious about people feeling it's more difficult in the guy's 30s....I know when I was in my 30s, loads of other 30s found me...and 20somethings.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Originally Posted by JerZ
Bleah, that was my issue with dating 40somethings when I was 30 and why I only (more than one date) dated one 40 at that time. It may have just been the luck of the draw but holy Hanna, these men were SO stuck in their ways and borderline stodgy. OP, break that mold, be active, fun, interesting...and interested in life, young, keep your look ups and care about how you dress and you should be ahead of the pack right off the bat.
I am curious about people feeling it's more difficult in the guy's 30s....I know when I was in my 30s, loads of other 30s found me...and 20somethings.
I didn't find 30s difficult. Just 100x better than 20s. But there were somethings that made finding a relationship harder. 40s have just been better still.
But what are some examples of this struck in their ways stuff? Or stodgy?
I didn't find 30s difficult. Just 100x better than 20s. But there were somethings that made finding a relationship harder. 40s have just been better still.
But what are some examples of this struck in their ways stuff? Or stodgy?
Aha, I see.
Stodgy...well...lots of armchair Uncle Harry-style opinions on how the world is going to pot, lots of "I never do this in dating and I always expect that" in a very "I'm Daddy laying down the law and you WILL listen to me, young lady" sort of way, refusal to try new things because their old way must be the best way no matter what (new/different types of food, less orthodox dates like maybe an amusement park ride or sitting in the grass having a picnic, etc. were usually no-gos....waaah, Indian food is spicy ZOMG; waah, sitting on the grass is just soo uncomfortable, plus rain sprinkles could happen, waah, never liked scary movies or a specific genre or whatever and I don't want to "waste my money" on a movie type I haven't kown for 40 years that I like, waah, amusement parks just rip you off and they're dirty, whine whine whinge whinge).
And also loads of "you're going to cook for me, right?" and "good women do X"-style hints...you know...all the expectations I'm reasonably sure my grandfather had as non-negotiables when he was dating my grandmother in the 1920s.
Again, could have been just my luck or maybe for some reason the Grampa types were the ones in this age group interested in me, but that was my experience. The 30s were drastically different - alive, fun and yes, still young looking (sorry), and interestingly, I can say my husband who is now almost 45 isn't like that at all (FTR, we met when he was 30 and I was 34)...so maybe it really was just bad luck or chance or whatever that the men older than I was acted soooooo much older, because it's very obvious not all 40something men are fogies.
However, I have had quite a few friends say something similar...a man gets older and all of a sudden it's like he's a different person. So I know my experience wasn't a totally unheard of one, either.
But either way, I stand by my recommendations, OP Stay fresh, be fun and HAVE fun...good luck!
Last edited by JerZ; 03-31-2016 at 10:49 AM..
Reason: Ugh...Kindle autocorrect can make anyone look like an illiterate moron.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,957,550 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ
Aha, I see.
Stodgy...well...lots of armchair Uncle Harry-style opinions on how the world is going to pot, lots of "I never do this in dating and I always expect that" in a very "I'm Daddy laying down the law and you WILL listen to me, young lady" sort of way, refusal to try new things because their old way must be the best way no matter what (new/different types of food, less orthodox dates like maybe an amusement park.ride.or sitting in the grass having a picnic, etc....waaah, Indian food is spicy ZOMG; waah, sitting on the grass is just soo uncomfortable, plus rain sprinkles.could happen, waah, never liked scary movies or a specific genre or whatever and I don't want to "waste my money" on a movie type I haven't k.own for 40 years that I like, whine whine whinge whinge).
Well that just sounds unfun and boring as shyte. Go home, old (40 yo) man. F that. 40s are time to travel and party some, better career, better salary, but still have the energy to rock it.
Well that just sounds unfun and boring as shyte. Go home, old (40 yo) man. F that. 40s are time to travel and party some, better career, better salary, but still have the energy to rock it.
That's the thing. At 40 and single, the world is wide open. Grab it...enjoy it! It's yours!
Well that just sounds unfun and boring as shyte. Go home, old (40 yo) man. F that. 40s are time to travel and party some, better career, better salary, but still have the energy to rock it.
I agree with everything you posted. I'm pushing 50 and just as active now, maybe even more than when I was in my twenties. I go to one or sometimes two music festivals a year and the majority of the people are in their twenties to mid 30's. Of course a big caveat is taking care of yourself and maintaining good health which many guys don't do.
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