Thoughts on expanding parameters to meet someone (dates, guys, friend)
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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Originally Posted by weezerfan84
I'll disagree with you here. There's men and women everywhere that are vain about looks. Heck, I can be vain about looks. I have a hard time dating a woman who weighs more than me. I've done it in the past and it bothered me. I don't want a rail thin woman by any means, and I like them on the thicker side, but just can't do bigger than me.
There are those people, yes. People don't have to date them, and there are many people that aren't vain about looks and into different looks.
You and I are just one person. There is a never ending amount of people out there. You don't want someone bigger than you, fine, but almost every time I go out there is a couple where the woman is larger. Some of my lady friends are dating twig boys that weigh less than them. No biggie.
I don't know...I agree long distance probably doesn't work more than works, but my boyfriend and I have never lived in the same city since we first met almost two years ago. I could have written him off (or vice versa), but we really liked each other and as we got to know each other over time it became more and more of a priority for us to spend time together. I always said I would never do long distance until I met someone that was worth making the extra effort for. Being with him long distance is better than being with someone else I can see every day, and now that our relationship is serious we are going to move so that we can be together all the time.
It's not all or nothing in the situation you described. She can have a preference to date someone local, but be open to those long distance possibilities because you never know when you might meet someone who is worth the effort. It definitely takes both people making the effort to make it work, but it CAN work.
I don't know...I agree long distance probably doesn't work more than works, but my boyfriend and I have never lived in the same city since we first met almost two years ago. I could have written him off (or vice versa), but we really liked each other and as we got to know each other over time it became more and more of a priority for us to spend time together. I always said I would never do long distance until I met someone that was worth making the extra effort for. Being with him long distance is better than being with someone else I can see every day, and now that our relationship is serious we are going to move so that we can be together all the time.
It's not all or nothing in the situation you described. She can have a preference to date someone local, but be open to those long distance possibilities because you never know when you might meet someone who is worth the effort. It definitely takes both people making the effort to make it work, but it CAN work.
I have a good friend who did the same thing. Had just gotten out of a rough 3 year relationship. Went to Little Rock to visit a friend and ran into an old female friend from years ago when he lived in Little Rock. Didn't think much of it at the time. Came back home and it was NYE. They were texting and she was like, come to Little Rock for the weekend. He did and every weekend since, they've been together. He drove up every single weekend to see her but one. Guess what happened? She put her house up for sale, quit her job, and has now permanently relocated to my town. Within 90 days, she changed her whole life around for a guy. To make the situation even better, her job in my town is better than the job she had in Little Rock, pay wise and responsibility wise. Everything just kind of lined up, but it took the right person to make her want to explore other options. If they never reconnected, there's a higher probability she'd still be in Little Rock.
A lot of different scenarios were at play. They both had relatively successful families so they synced up well in that regard (it's one that matters more on his list). His last ex did not sync up at all. She was ready for a new experience, since Little Rock had given her all she could handle, even though she was living a comfortable life there. She also had someone in her life she deemed taking a risk for and she has friends in the area. The biggest one for them though, is that neither of them have children. Much easier to up and move when children aren't involved.
Why are you beating this to death? It's referencing why anybody has better luck in areas of life compared to others. I was referencing the OP, because she's frustrated as to why she has trouble getting a man compared to her friends. She's mentioned often enough that they can get in and out of relationships and she's had terrible trouble even getting one to last a month.
I felt body type was one of the issues. Her and her friends are older, almost approaching 40 or at 40. The women who were better at keeping a young woman's physique has had better luck with getting men. One of her best friends isn't even divorced yet. Met a man within a week of her separation and they're inseparable. It's likely because her friend has a more attractive body type than my friend. I've met this other woman and she has a nice shape to her that's attractive to a lot of men. My friend doesn't have that shape.
I think body shape and looks has a lot to do with attracting people. It is probably the only reason I can have a steady line of men wanting to give me their attention. Of course now it, and CD, have me thinking they only want my body and nothing more, so makes me want to push them all away.
For myself, expanding my distance parameter would not achieve what I was after with OLD, which was to meet someone local I could see on a regular basis. That being said, there were other parameters I did play around with though that also got me nowhere.
A couple of years ago, I was communicating with someone on OKC who had expanded his parameters because he wasn't meeting anywhere where he lived, which is about 3 hours from here. If he lived here, I would have met him in a heartbeat. However, I told him from the start I was not interested in a LDR, but he tried to change my mind. He also came on very strong - asking if I had nieces or nephews to take care of me as he was a few years older and would likely die first, discussing which one of us would make more sense to move closer to the other, etc. I never met him and ultimately had to block him on my phone.
For myself, expanding my distance parameter would not achieve what I was after with OLD, which was to meet someone local I could see on a regular basis. That being said, there were other parameters I did play around with though that also got me nowhere.
A couple of years ago, I was communicating with someone on OKC who had expanded his parameters because he wasn't meeting anywhere where he lived, which is about 3 hours from here. If he lived here, I would have met him in a heartbeat. However, I told him from the start I was not interested in a LDR, but he tried to change my mind. He also came on very strong - asking if I had nieces or nephews to take care of me as he was a few years older and would likely die first, discussing which one of us would make more sense to move closer to the other, etc. I never met him and ultimately had to block him on my phone.
That's what happens when you spread your parameters so far out. You already know nothing local is working and you're expanding into other areas further away, where you have to compete even harder, because your distance is a factor for them. I absolutely believe that people meet and form long distance bonds. The majority of us date in our own backyards. I would imagine, and this is just my opinion, that less people are out dating and looking further than 20-30 miles from their locale.
The guy knew with you, which is why he pressed so hard. He's stretching himself thin, when in all actuality he should either look into moving or stop OLD for a while.
People join dating sites all the time. New guys are going to be on POF every day. I think she needs to keep her parameters the same as she originally had them since she knows she doesn't want an LDR, and just hang in there. You can't rush and force these things. You just can't. You can do your best, act your best, present your best and be thorough in your looking but you can't force Prince Charming to show up.
And she needs to stop comparing herself to her friends. First of all, if they're getting "into and out of" relationships quickly, are they actual relationships or just several quickies and goodbye? If they're not lasting they certainly must not be much good, so are these women just literally grabbing what they can get for the sake of a date?
Second, who knows whether her looks are a factor. Sure, looks can figure in and I think it would be naive to pretend they don't...particularly since so much of OLD for some is scrolling through pictures and not stopping to read until the person hits upon a pic that really grabs him her. OTOH how a person presents herself can be huge. She may look fun and a little sexy or she may look sodgy and a stick in the mud, or she may look great but her profile is offputting for whatever reason. It could be anything.
I don't think increasing her dating range will help and I definitely don't think moving house to date, unless one literally lives hundreds of miles from civilization, is wise.
That's what happens when you spread your parameters so far out. You already know nothing local is working and you're expanding into other areas further away, where you have to compete even harder, because your distance is a factor for them. I absolutely believe that people meet and form long distance bonds. The majority of us date in our own backyards. I would imagine, and this is just my opinion, that less people are out dating and looking further than 20-30 miles from their locale.
The guy knew with you, which is why he pressed so hard. He's stretching himself thin, when in all actuality he should either look into moving or stop OLD for a while.
I don't know if it was a matter of pressing because of the distance, to be honest. He told me I was "absolutely the one" based solely on how perfect I looked on paper - that I was all "green check marks and no red X's." He actually made me feel like a used car and was planning for our future without ever having met me.
I don't know if it was a matter of pressing because of the distance, to be honest. He told me I was "absolutely the one" based solely on how perfect I looked on paper - that I was all "green check marks and no red X's." He actually made me feel like a used car and was planning for our future without ever having met me.
In my observations, that's a big part of the "false positive" that comes when people think OLD is like a shopping list.
No one is guaranteed to find a match because even if they do bring all green check marks, the intangible factors of compatibility still play a huge part.
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