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Old 04-01-2016, 10:19 PM
 
Location: Middle America
35,817 posts, read 39,346,783 times
Reputation: 48613

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Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
If you stay married, you'll be a slave to supporting your kids for 18+ years, too. It's not like financial responsibilities to your family aren't a consideration unless a marriage ends.
I'll never get why supporting one's progeny is such a horrifying concept, and why these types of posters seem to think that seeing to the needs of one's children only comes into play when/if you split up.
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Old 04-01-2016, 10:53 PM
 
Location: Subconscious Syncope, USA (Northeastern US)
2,367 posts, read 1,522,928 times
Reputation: 3814
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
I disagree. A year is nothing. People need to spend MORE time before they get married....not less.

Her biological clock is ticking...at 33, her prime time for child bearing is coming to an end fast.

Its not looking good. Each previously divorced. What have they got? Like a 50-50 chance of not getting divorced yet again?
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Old 04-02-2016, 07:04 AM
 
Location: Canada
8,696 posts, read 7,770,613 times
Reputation: 17916
Quote:
Originally Posted by Inkpoe View Post
A year old relationship is one thing, but say that it's too soon to talk about marriage and kids is entirely another thing. And we are talking about a 33yo woman who wants kids and marriage, personally I think it's fair for her to find out whether she's on the same page as the guy she's dating.

The least the OP can do is give her a time frame as to when he's willing to talk about the marriage/kids issue. She can decide then whether to continue the relationship. I just hope the OP isn't jerking her around and wasting her time.
I agree with you. If your purpose in dating is to find a partner for marriage and children, you shouldn't invest a year of your life before having a conversation about what you want out of life.

My husband and I had a conversation just a couple of months into dating about where we thought we'd be by our age (38 at the time) and what we hoped for in the future. We moved in together 2.5 years after our first date, and married a year after that.
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Old 04-02-2016, 07:09 AM
 
3,098 posts, read 1,719,989 times
Reputation: 3269
OP

1. You are 30, she is 33. Bad move. At age 30, you should be dating younger women. It is ok for a guy to date a woman slightly older if you meet before approximately age 25. After 25, when you are finally older than your target desirable women, focus on younger women.

2. Break up with your current woman and find a more compatible one.
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Old 04-02-2016, 07:34 AM
 
Location: 🇬🇧 In jolly old London! 🇬🇧
15,672 posts, read 7,694,087 times
Reputation: 12385
Quote:
Originally Posted by RJ312 View Post
OP

1. You are 30, she is 33. Bad move. At age 30, you should be dating younger women. It is ok for a guy to date a woman slightly older if you meet before approximately age 25. After 25, when you are finally older than your target desirable women, focus on younger women.

2. Break up with your current woman and find a more compatible one.
I'll certainly agree that they are not at all compatible, infact I think they would be more suited in parliament or congress sitting on opposite benches arguing LOL.

But nothing at all wrong with an older woman full stop regardless of a blokes age, and especially a lady that's only a few years older .

But as ever great read mate
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Old 04-02-2016, 07:46 AM
 
Location: Ft. Myers
15,574 posts, read 9,650,106 times
Reputation: 34371
This is really a very tough situation, and I know, because I have been in a very similar one myself.

First off, "almost a year" is a little soon to jump into marriage , IMO. You do need more time to get to know each other and to have a better idea if this is the one person you want to be with (hopefully) for the rest of your life. Secondly, her wanting kids puts another issue into the mix. If the marriage should fail, you really are financially and morally obligated to the child(ren) for the next 18 years or so.

After my divorce, I met a super great lady and we lived together for 7 years. Every year she would ask when we were going to get married, but, for some reason I just could not pull the trigger. I would keep saying "how about next June" and when June came and went I had to think up another reason. I really did care about her, but, maybe because of my bad breakup, I was like a scared bunny and just could not get married again.

That pretty much spelled the end of our relationship, and things started to go downhill, to the point that I finally moved out. I realize now it was the correct thing to do, as she and I had different goals in life, and I was not the right one for her, nor her for me.

You may lose her, but life tends to choose our paths, and you might find out this is how it was supposed to end up some day.

Don
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Old 04-02-2016, 08:25 AM
 
Location: Houston, TX
13,144 posts, read 7,393,567 times
Reputation: 27256
Quote:
Originally Posted by joshuason77 View Post
I won't do anything i'll let her talk to me, if she wants to wait ok, if not it's better we break up. I'll not marry and have kids "now" just because she wants!
Good man. No one should feel pressured into getting married OR having children before they are 100% committed to taking these on. They are huge commitments which last a lifetime (hopefully). Part of being in a relationship is having common goals, and if you aren't ready, you aren't ready. Neither one of you is wrong for feeling differently about these things. You're just different.

As an aside, I'm not sure why women (and sometimes men) pressure their partners to get married so much. Why does it matter? The partners can still break up, any breakups are a lot more difficult, and a committed relationship is committed with or without the marriage certificate, IMO. I can understand if the partners have been in a relationship for 5 years perhaps, but for just a year or two years, I don't understand it. There's a lot to be said for knowing your partner very well and being sure the person is the one you want to spend the rest of your life and vice versa.
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Old 04-02-2016, 09:15 AM
 
3,098 posts, read 1,719,989 times
Reputation: 3269
Quote:
Originally Posted by Londoncowboy30 View Post

But as ever great read mate
Thank you. I like to think I keep things interesting.
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Old 04-02-2016, 09:35 AM
 
Location: 🇬🇧 In jolly old London! 🇬🇧
15,672 posts, read 7,694,087 times
Reputation: 12385
Quote:
Originally Posted by RJ312 View Post
Thank you. I like to think I keep things interesting.
Oh most definitely
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Old 04-03-2016, 07:07 AM
 
321 posts, read 150,136 times
Reputation: 156
We talked and I asked her about kids, if she wanted to have kids right now i said "Im not ready for kids!". She laughed and said "Do you think i want to have now?! LOL of course no, i'm not ready either!" And I replied "What about your biological clock?" And she said: "Well, i don't know, some women have children by 35, 40...all I know it's risky"
Anyway she said she's still confused about "if she wants kids or no", because sometimes she's afraid in the future she would regret for not having children. But about us she said she wants me forever and started to cry...As we were in a restaurant i comforted her...!
Friends, this is more complicated than I imagine!
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