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I don't have anyone around here but him and his family.
I know it sounds like an ungodly bad idea, but I am very tempted to just answer one of those "I want a woman to move in with me" ads and see where things go.
But at the same time, I would be throwing away a man who does love me.
NOTHING in your post describes love. Not one thing.
He does not love you.
Look around. Does your life look ANYTHING like you wanted it to look? You're with a drug addict who raped you and controls you.
Well you have a point about my life being nothing like what I want it to look like.
That's because you've allowed yourself to get entangled with a person who YOU described like this:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sidhe Scarlet
He is a serious drug addict who refuses to acknowledge his problem.
He seems a completely different, darker, angrier person when he is not high but I rarely glimpse this because he is high 70% of the time. But the glimpses I catch are of a scary person, cold and borderline abusive.
It's a long story but the first time we met, he sexually assaulted me in the most degrading way.
I feel like he is going to make me have kids when I don't want them now. He often asks if he can do it without a condom knowing full well I'm not on birth control.
He actively discourages me from working or going back to school. He likes me being dependent on him. Never met anyone like that before. He has literally said "You are the child in this relationship", which I guess is true, but makes me feel so powerless.
NONE of the pros outweigh these ^^ cons. There is nothing worth this.
Given this and your past trauma, you apparently need professional counseling ASAP.
I don't have anyone around here but him and his family.
I know it sounds like an ungodly bad idea, but I am very tempted to just answer one of those "I want a woman to move in with me" ads and see where things go.
But at the same time, I would be throwing away a man who does love me.
As others have said, he doesn't love you. Love does NOT look like the way he's treating you. The good does not erase the bad behaviour.
What's a "I want a woman to move in with me" ad If you're thinking about getting with a different man to escape the current, that's probably not a good idea. You'd be going from one situation of dependency to another.
There are charities out there to help people in your situation. I also think that you could do with therapy/professional help. I'm not judging but some of the things you have written about him are downright scary. What's scarier is that you don't appear to see that.
I don't have anyone around here but him and his family.
I know it sounds like an ungodly bad idea, but I am very tempted to just answer one of those "I want a woman to move in with me" ads and see where things go.
But at the same time, I would be throwing away a man who does love me.
Wake up! He does not love you. He loves his power over you. It's all about CONTROL. It's the same with all those animals he has. He likes the feeling of power he gets from having them (and you) totally dependent on him. It gives him a big ego boost.
A healthy relationship is based on mutual respect and trust. This is not a healthy relationship. A mentally healthy man does not try to control a woman he loves.
You are NOT an ungrateful brat. You do, however, have very low self esteem, because you are unable to see that this man does not love you, and you are allowing yourself to be put in a dangerous situation.
So what did you do before you met him? Where did you live? How did you eat? How did you get medical care? You say you don't have a car "now." How did you get one before and how did you buy gas, insurance and maintenance?
You're not ungrateful at all. But you would be very stupid if you stayed with this nightmare Lifetime Movie of the Week Abuser. Get out now while you still can. Before he bashes in your skull and buries you in the backyard.
You think that couldn't ever happen? It happens every day to women exactly like you. Wake up and save your life before it's too late and we all see your story on Dateline NBC.
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If you're thinking about getting with a different man to escape the current, that's probably not a good idea. You'd be going from one situation of dependency to another. 
