Question for couples who met during middle age. (dating, marriage, woman)

[Dennis58]

I had been single for a long time when I met the woman I'm now with. Although, I had been married years earlier, I choose to stay single for two decades. For those of you who met "the one", at around 40+, or even 50+, do you ever find yourself wishing you could have met him/her years earlier than you did? I always seem to wish that about the woman I'm now engaged to. But then, I wonder, would "we" have worked out back then? I met her when I was 45 years old. I just wonder how things would have turned out if I had met her like at 25, or so. Do any of you ever wonder stuff like that?

[sun]

Well, try to look at it from this perspective Dennis58.
For those of us who did meet over 25 years ago, who would have ever accurately thought how each person and their relationship would turn out over a quarter of a century later?
As people grow older together, they live and observe each other change incrementally, all the way up until the present time when all of the previous little changes manifest themselves into the current here and now.
The changes aren't quite as shocking unless the partners really try to reminisce about all of the changes too much. But they're both the same people they were before, even if neither of them would recognize themselves in the mirror when they wake up over 25 years later.
So please, for the simple sake of vanity (or should I say "sanity"? ), don't start wondering too much about the way things could have been if the two of you had met many, many moons ago...or else when you open up your eyes first thing in the morning, you just might not recognize who that person is that's sleeping next to you in bed.
At least by meeting at this point in your lives, it's much easier to fathom about just how much things will be changing in the next 25 years!

[Denise in Fla]

I met my husband in my 40's, second marriage for both of us. We often wonder what it would have been like if we had met earlier in life, and we came up with this conclusion: We probably wouldn't have given either one of us a second thought about dating each other. We were two different people back then, and we also wouldn't have the 5 great daughters that we have now. But yes, I still do wonder what if we hooked up back then, where would we be now?

[Pikantari]

I am 34, so this does not include me... sorry Dennis, I would love to have contributed to your thread!

[ontheroad]

When I reflect back on my relationships, I think I had them at the right time in my life, and wouldn't have necessarily appreciated those I had later in life without having gained some maturity.

At 13 I thought I had met the love of my life; at 25 I got married. I didn't marry the person I thought I loved at 13, and I didn't stay married to the person I knew at 25, but I do know now what makes for a good relationship for me because of those bitter-sweet loves.

[NorthmeetsSouth]

I remarried in my late 40's after staying single (by choice) for a long time. I actually started dating my husband about 10 years ago, but I told him back then that I would not consider marrying, living together, etc. until I was finished raising my son. He hung in there and waited it out, and after my son joined the service he proposed.
It has worked out fine for us because of who we are at this stage in our lives. If we had met when we were younger I don't think we would have even dated. We come from such different backgrounds and I think that we were still too different when we were young, but age mellows you and you look for different things in a relationship than you did when you were young.
Dennis, don't give another thought to "What if" because you DIDN'T meet when you were younger, so its a moot point. You met exactly at the time in your life when you were supposed to meet her. If you had met sooner you might have had something else going on in your life and you would have missed out on the wonderful opportunity you have right now for true happiness. That's all you need to think about!

[karibear]

Originally Posted by Denise in Fla

I met my husband in my 40's, second marriage for both of us. We often wonder what it would have been like if we had met earlier in life, and we came up with this conclusion: We probably wouldn't have given either one of us a second thought about dating each other. We were two different people back then, and we also wouldn't have the 5 great daughters that we have now. But yes, I still do wonder what if we hooked up back then, where would we be now?

What's to wonder? You are who you are now. I met my last husband [the first was when I was 19 and was a total disaster that ended in a couple years] when I was 40 and he was 41. I wasn't interested in getting married and neither was he, but we stayed together and eventually did get married, mainly because that way my health insurance would cover him. He said once when he was young, he'd been a runner, every night with someone else except the times - and there were a few - when he was in long term monogamous relationships. He also said that if he'd met me then, he wouldn't have had the experience or sense to appreciate me, so he was just as glad it happened when it did, I was his anchor and kept him centered. In the end, we were together over 20 happy years until he died. And I wouldn't have missed a day of it, though I also would have to agree that if I'd met him a lot earlier, I probably wouldn't have had anything to do with him then, either.

[Dennis58]

Thanks to all who have replied thus far. I'm on some really long hours right now, and am trying to keep up best as I can. I do wonder about this stuff sometimes though. I guess everything happens for a reason, but I do find myself wishing that we could have met younger, and still shared the same feelings we now share. One reason is because we probably would have both been much more physically fit for out-door activitys that we both enjoy so much. Oh well, better late than never, I suppose!

[Twinkle Toes]

No, but I often wonder what life would be like if I had never married.