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She is not going to come around - she had already checked out of the relationship long ago.
I would fight to keep the house if it were me, I figure she's the one who wants out of the marriage, she can leave. But it's up to you, maybe you don't want to be there with all the memories. Also, I wouldn't demand her favorite cat just to spite her, but yeah, you should be able to keep at least one of them.
I agree with this post. You may not want to keep the house without her in it, but I certainly wouldn't give it to her if I were the innocent party. Half of the joint assets is fair and legal. She can buy you out or you can sell and split the proceeds. She can't just neatly excise you and go on like nothing happened.
Those are your cats too. If they are all companionable and attached, splitting them up would be cruel. I agree (in theory) that you should get at least one, but these are critters with feelings, not furniture to divide up for your pleasure. They are going to be upset and anxious about the changes, so do right by them even if that means keeping them all together.
You, yourself just admitted the marriage, per your wife anyway..wasn't so great..and it as you said..until her co-worker became either available or showed interest in pursuing a more personal connection did she have the nerve to ask for divorce/sever your relationship..This detail kind of tells the tale for me as a Women.
Forgive me..But did you not even sense or see any red flags, that your wife was distant?? I sense you had NO idea..why? no doubt due to lack of communication. Be that as it may, it matter not NOW! The fact is..you two drifted because as it appears felt taken for granted or maybe made to feel un-important..
It's my understanding that Marriage is suppose to be a 2-way street..but for some reason one side or the other doesn't spend enough time reaching out to the other..address whatever..and then voila..OP/You are facing (what you feel as betrayal) this dilemma..What to do?? You've had a separation..and it hasn't worked out..So sorry..but face it..One cannot force a relationship..No 2 people can regardless of marriage or friendship..Once the sense of connection is gone by one side or other..there's no sense pursuing a "Dead End"
I hope you don't have children involved..(because it's NOT their fault if so) as it's between you ( and your self-esteem) and her..it's better to work with her to resolve whatever joint investment/finances ..be sure to contact someone to advise..
Marriages that fall apart is always emotional..and I wish you all the best in getting your affairs in order and speak to someone who can advise you legally!
Hope things can get settled for you OP
BTW~~ She buys a GUN?? Geesh...SMH
Yes, there is much truth in what you wrote. I was quite depressed, on and off, for a year and a half. Which now that I think about it is a long time. However, we have been together for over 11 years. I kind of snapped out of it once all of this started and started noticing details I was overlooking for a long time. I definitely did take things for granted. She was not faultless either of course and she has had serious depression/anxiety/prescription abuse problems in the past 1.5 years (and longer) as well. What disappoints me the most is that it seems like this should be a time for us both to learn and grow together as a consequence, and if I just try and wait long enough this will turn out to be basically a bad fight.
Yes, there is much truth in what you wrote. I was quite depressed, on and off, for a year and a half. Which now that I think about it is a long time. However, we have been together for over 11 years. I kind of snapped out of it once all of this started and started noticing details I was overlooking for a long time. I definitely did take things for granted. She was not faultless either of course and she has had serious depression/anxiety/prescription abuse problems in the past 1.5 years (and longer) as well. What disappoints me the most is that it seems like this should be a time for us both to learn and grow together as a consequence, and if I just try and wait long enough this will turn out to be basically a bad fight.
It's sad that the presence of the other man is what finally stimulated you to have real, passionate feelings about your wife.
Unfortunately those feelings are anger, and honestly I think that is misdirected. You won't want to hear this, but you shouldn't let your anger about the other guy be your primary driver right now. It will cause you to make hasty, poor decisions AND turn you into someone you don't want to be down the road.
Those are your cats too. If they are all companionable and attached, splitting them up would be cruel. I agree (in theory) that you should get at least one, but these are critters with feelings, not furniture to divide up for your pleasure. They are going to be upset and anxious about the changes, so do right by them even if that means keeping them all together.
Good luck to you, man.
Thanks. I do love the cats. I insulted her once, in July 2015, and said I hoped she enjoyed living alone with the cats one day. June - August of 2015 was a particularly bad time for us and a lot of angry things were said. The last year and a half was not that great, although it seemed to improve around November. I think now that is when she was emotionally distancing herself and maybe gave up, so the complaining and fighting stopped, and I interpreted that as a sign that all was well. I was sure wrong about that! There was not enough consistent or direct communication from either of us. Its hard to believe it is too late now. But maybe it is.
I would like to keep all three cats. They are all pals. I do think they favor me, too. They are no more hers than mine, although she feels like they are . Alternatively they are no more mine than hers. I definitely take care of them more, however, and found one out on the street. This is just all too bizarre.
Thanks. I do love the cats. I insulted her once, in July 2015, and said I hoped she enjoyed living alone with the cats one day. June - August of 2015 was a particularly bad time for us and a lot of angry things were said. The last year and a half was not that great, although it seemed to improve around November. I think now that is when she was emotionally distancing herself and maybe gave up, so the complaining and fighting stopped, and I interpreted that as a sign that all was well. I was sure wrong about that! There was not enough consistent or direct communication from either of us. Its hard to believe it is too late now. But maybe it is.
I would like to keep all three cats. They are all pals. I do think they favor me, too. They are no more hers than mine, although she feels like they are . Alternatively they are no more mine than hers. I definitely take care of them more, however, and found one out on the street. This is just all too bizarre.
Leave the cats to her. You are a single dude now. Guys with cats do not attract women. You need to lift weights and get in the best shape of your life. Approach women like crazy. Be a masculine, forceful man.
Get an attorney ASAP. They will look out for your best interest. Then get a therapist, you need someone who can help you through this.
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It's sad that the presence of the other man is what finally stimulated you to have real, passionate feelings about your wife.
Unfortunately those feelings are anger, and honestly I think that is misdirected. You won't want to hear this, but you shouldn't let your anger about the other guy be your primary driver right now. It will cause you to make hasty, poor decisions AND turn you into someone you don't want to be down the road.
That's why you need therapy.
I agree. I'm not livid about the other guy. Disappointed mostly, and it's sort of like salt in the wound. I think I would have been as disappointed and awakened had she said she wanted to leave without simultaneously announcing a new relationship, however. I do recognize I did not have a strong grasp of how to maintain a relationship in the best way when times were difficult, but I think we were both guilty of that to an extent since we did it for over a decade.
I've heard stories just like this one over 30 times in the last decade and it an absolute injustice on multiple levels.
You are being devalued and discarded by a narcissist and are now forced to move on while she has a new source of emotional and sexual attention.
This situation and how you deal with it must be a way for you to redefine the meaning of your own existence as a man and sovereign entity.
It is going to be a struggle and you will have to learn to trust and embrace the struggle.
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