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Honestly, I think especially in the case of a marriage when a spouse is as sleezy and and a scumbag as the OP's wife it should be grounds they don't get anything. I think the real justifiable thing would be to make her get her clothes, makeup etc. kick her out and tell her if she likes the guy so much she should find a place with him, while the guy keeps the house and everything else.
Stories like this really do not make marriage look good. When one spouse is a complete scumbag why should they have a right to anything?
I think either the OP should get the house, or they both should walk away from it, after selling it. But to be fair, we don't know what caused the estrangement in the first place. Yes, it's outrageous that she started bringing a guy into their shared home. That's beyond the pale. But we don't know what caused her to give up on the marriage; I think the OP indicated it was something that was years in the making, one of those situations where something was wrong, but it never got addressed and so, got worse over time until she announced the marriage was over. We don't know the back story.
Still, nothing justifies her bringing another guy into their house, and on a regular basis, too. As if he lives in a doghouse or his parents' basement, and doesn't have a place where he can bring guests. That makes it sound as though she had told him they would have the house together, as if she took it for granted. Well, we'll see if anyone will give her a loan. She might have a rude awakening from her fantasy of homeownership with her new guy.
About 3 weeks ago I asked my wife of 10 years what was going on between her and a male former coworker she has known (and I have met several times) for 6 years. She said that she is now interested in him romantically and wants to divorce me, although says that her desire to divorce predates her romantic interest in him. It just happens to coincide, apparently (maybe for emotional support?).
We took 2 weeks apart and communicated daily during the time and met twice. I stated clearly that my desire was to reconcile, however did not belabor the point and noted that I respect she makes her own decisions, etc. and that I was not giving an ultimatum. She initially said she was thinking it through, but has now firmly decided against rebuilding our relationship.
I came come as scheduled and found some of the guy's stuff throughout the house, including a coffee mug next to my usual chair and also food in the fridge. I asked if she would not communicate with this guy for 2 weeks so that we could focus on living with each other and explore our relationship. She said she had no interest. I then asked my wife to please not allow him in the house while we are sharing it, and instead to go visit him if that is what she wants. She agreed.
I set up my tablet to record the goings on in the kitchen by the back door for when I went to work the next day. Sure enough I saw him wandering unaccompanied through the kitchen. I called the police, informed dispatch what was going on, etc. They came out and everyone was pissed, including the cops who apparently misunderstood the nature of the call and treated it like a burglary.
So, at this point I am still alternating between sadness, grief, anger, and optimism forbmy own future - at times optimistic about her coming around, and other times optimistic about being single, then again followed by the cycle again.
Im sleeping on the pullout in the living room and we're coexisting peacefully, although I am at times nervous she may lie to obtain a protection from abuse order. There is no reason for one, but given her other behavior I just don't know what to expect.
She desperately wants to keep the house and all three of the cats, and wants me to move out sooner rather than later. We weren't fighting or arguing before this. I think she detached 6 months ago and I just didn't realize it. In any case, now, amidst my feelings of regret and sadness, I am pissed because of this other guy and feel like I can't in any way respect her decision to move ahead with her own life, because she isn't doing so independently. I am no longer blaming myself as much and acknowledging that she used very poor communication, e.g., we purchased a bed 5 months ago, and bedding for summer last month, and we're planning events together for the summer without her expressing feelings that she was contemplating ending the relationship.
Given her strong attachment to the cats and house, and desperate desire to keep all, I am thinking of demanding a highly disproportionate share of the home equity in exchange for not demanding it be sold on the open market, and also requiring I keep her favorite cat (whom I also enjoy immensely). I'm also going to demand she grant me exclusive use of the residence until the divorce is final and continue to pay half the mortgage, or else we sell, and if she wants it she'll have to outbid others. She also have trouble qualifying for the loan. Does that sound about right, or is there anything else I should do? If she doesn't agree I'm going to file and add a count of exclusive use given her flaunting behavior with her boyfriend, and my fear (I'm actually not afraid, and the guy is lucky I called the cops and didn't shop up myself and break all of his teeth with a heavy and hard implement, which is what I wanted to do but thought it wouldn't be prudent). Also, she purchased a handgun 6 months ago.
Advice? Thoughts?
1) Accept that it's over. Your mission from here on out is moving on.
First off sorry for what you are going through. I know how you feel because I had to reside in the same house while my ex was having fun with her new boyfriend. While the option of beating the other guy is a nice one I must caution heavily against doing so. You will be the only one who looses in the end. Your soon to be ex seems only to be focused on what feels good to her and is disrespectful of your feelings (and of what you once shared during happier times). I also know its hard to hear but don't be vindictive try and be as fair as possible. Let her buy you out of the house. How she affords it will be her issue. Take the high road and leave the cat. Anything you do to get back at her will look unfavorably in court. Some Judges will only look at your behavior no matter how bad she may behave. As for her buying a gun RED FLAG!!! Step up your efforts to get out as soon as you can. You don't know where her head is at or what the boyfriend is telling her.
Except that's not how divorce works in this country. We've moved away from "at fault" divorce.
And that is one of the worst mistakes ever. "No-fault" divorces should not even exist. SOMEONE is at fault and they should be held accountable.
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If you believe so strongly this is what should happen if your spouse cheats this is EXACTLY what a prenuptial agreement does. It's consider an affair clause.
Two problems with that:
1. They can get thrown out.
2. It really doesn't make sense to get one if neither have much in the beginning but later on if you get a lot of stuff it is to late and you're in great danger of losing everything.
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We'll just ignore the fact that this isn't possible if both names are on the lease/mortgage.
Perhaps, but it is still a crappy situation, no spouse that does something so evil should get anything, much less a house!
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If you cheated on your wife are you okay with her kicking you out?
Well I never would but I am sure if a woman came her saying her husband had a new gf and she moved in all the women here would be telling her to pack up all his stuff leave it at the door and take whatever she could.
And that is one of the worst mistakes ever. "No-fault" divorces should not even exist. SOMEONE is at fault and they should be held accountable.
l understand being angry, but the courts have better things to do than extract pounds of flesh from angry and vengeful spouses. People dig up dirt, they lie... everything is worse. It's not society's business how mad or hurt you are, and nobody is going to calculate how much each infraction "costs."
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Well I never would but I am sure if a woman came her saying her husband had a new gf and she moved in all the women here would be telling her to pack up all his stuff leave it at the door and take whatever she could.
I wouldn't. I always tell people it's illegal to kick someone out of their residence.
Well I never would but I am sure if a woman came her saying her husband had a new gf and she moved in all the women here would be telling her to pack up all his stuff leave it at the door and take whatever she could.
We did tell him to get a good lawyer, in the early part of the thread. He got one. He got such a good one, his wife is now accusing him of hiring a shark to muscle her out of her fair share. Obviously, she hasn't got the message yet.
We did tell him to get a good lawyer, in the early part of the thread. He got one. He got such a good one, his wife is now accusing him of hiring a shark to muscle her out of her fair share. Obviously, she hasn't got the message yet.
Yet she sees no problem just kicking him out of the house that he owns, while she keeps it and let's her boyfriend move in.
l understand being angry, but the courts have better things to do than extract pounds of flesh from angry and vengeful spouses. People dig up dirt, they lie... everything is worse. It's not society's business how mad or hurt you are, and nobody is going to calculate how much each infraction "costs."
So it's better for people that have been screwed by their spouse to be screwed by the courts? We should just accept no matter how wronged one spouse may have been by the other that they just need to give up everything they earned to the other person? Considering all the other trivial crap courts waste time and money on it seems as if negotiating at fault divorces would hardly be not worth it.
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I wouldn't. I always tell people it's illegal to kick someone out of their residence.
Yet it still happens and can be done especially easy by a woman who harms herself then calls the police for domestic violence which gets the guy out even if only for a few days but often she can get a restraining order thus making him get kicked out and further complicating the process.
So it's better for people that have been screwed by their spouse to be screwed by the courts? We should just accept no matter how wronged one spouse may have been by the other that they just need to give up everything they earned to the other person? Considering all the other trivial crap courts waste time and money on it seems as if negotiating at fault divorces would hardly be not worth it.
They don't give up everything they earned. Marital assets are 50/50. Most married households have two working spouses. Even if one stays home, the other is earning savings and retirement income for both of them.
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Yet it still happens and can be done especially easy by a woman who harms herself then calls the police for domestic violence which gets the guy out even if only for a few days but often she can get a restraining order thus making him get kicked out and further complicating the process.
Okay, first you said that "all women would say this," and when I said I wouldn't and why, your comeback is this. Am I expected to defend that or something? Couldn't you just say, "That's good to know"? You were mistaken.
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