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Old 02-12-2008, 02:05 PM
 
353 posts, read 889,112 times
Reputation: 195

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I was reminiscing (i.e., bringing back horrid memories) of bad dates in another thread. My friend claimed the reason for setting me up with this creepy guy was because we were both nerds in high school. HUH?!

Other friends have tried to set me up as well---one biracial friend who dates older, White men tried to hook me up with a middle-aged White man. Mind you, I'm in my 20's (as is my friend) and not middle-aged. Her reasons for his being a good catch was that he "loves showing off his money and has a temper" (who to the what now?!). I saw his photo and he looked like Mr. Clean. That was a no.

Another biracial friend likes dating middle-aged Black and minority men. She described this guy friend of hers when we were out and said he wanted to meet me. The way she described him was like Ricky Martin, but he was short, bald, old, drunken and creepy! That was also a no.

There was another friend of mine, a White girl, who was going to hook me up with a co-worker of hers. Her reasoning: because we're both Black and have dreads. How about points of view, favorite music, etc.? The only reason was because we were the same race? This blog I read did a write-up on hooking someone up on a date simply because they're the same race. It's just a shallow notion.

Are these friends trying to set people up on dates out of the goodness of their hearts, or are they just trying to instigate? With the first two female friends, they weren't putting my likes and interests in mind, they thought about what they liked and went with that. And with my other friend, she didn't look beyond the outside appearance for a match.

Like I said in the other thread, I've been single for quite a while. During this time, I realized that there are a lot of things I need to work on before I open myself up to someone else. If I ever considered blind dating again, maybe Cupid's shot would be more accurate if I had a less negative outlook on life.
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Old 02-12-2008, 03:30 PM
 
Location: Oz
2,238 posts, read 6,429,969 times
Reputation: 1299
Oh god...I've been single for a bit over a year now and my friends have tried to set me up more than once. They don't believe me when I say that right now I don't want to be in a relationship because I have stuff going on in real life that I don't want to be distracted from. When that's done, yes! Then I'll be ready to have time for someone, but not until then.

Well anyway, one friend bugged me and bugged me last December to go with a buddy of his to their company's xmas party. I didn't want to, but as a favor to my friend I agreed to double date with him and his wife. What a disaster! Now, I'm 5'8" tall and I like wearing nice shoes. I don't care if it puts the guy shorter than me, to me it's not an issue. Apparently though, it was an issue with the blind date, because his very first comment to me was "Boy, you're tall, you shouldn't have worn heels..."

Say what? I'll wear what makes me happy, thank you very much! If you have issues with being shorter than the woman you're out with, then that's not my problem. That sentence was the most words in a row I got out of him all night long. Talk about boredom personified! And it can't have been an issue of him being shy, because I gave him many many conversation openers and received only one or two word responses.

Bleah. Booooooring.
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Old 02-12-2008, 05:03 PM
 
Location: Maryland
1,668 posts, read 5,465,196 times
Reputation: 1486
I always thought I was a nice guy, responsible, moral... but rarely had more than one date per person. Usually, I'd end up looking around for the Candid Camera crew to pop out. One blind date, I drove 60 miles to, was 22 years old, like me. She kept saying this ex-husband, that ex-husband... I ask, "How many husbands have you had?" She said "4". Red flag!!! What's wrong with this picture? Finally, at 44 years old, I found my perfect wife on Match.com. Really!
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Old 02-12-2008, 05:17 PM
 
25,087 posts, read 26,865,379 times
Reputation: 34146
I think it's a matter of how good a listener the friends are. My wife and I have set up THREE different couples, all of whom got married and have stay married. We're pretty proud of our track record. In fact, my wife has single friends who beg us to set them up with guys. We always tell them the same thing...if a guy comes along whom we think is right for you, then we'll do it. But all we do is introduce, and then bow out.
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Old 02-12-2008, 05:23 PM
 
Location: Marietta, GA
857 posts, read 3,232,312 times
Reputation: 697
I recently married again, but I was single for about 15 years in between and would often have friends trying to set me up. I would try to explain to them that I was perfectly happy on my own, yet somehow people think you have to be dating someone to be happy. Usually, the criteria that they use for setting you up is ... you are single, he is single... as if that is a match made in heaven.
While I appreciate the sentiment behind the effort on their part, I would tell my friends over and over that nobody is more qualified to find a good match for me than I am, so please stop trying to help!
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Old 02-13-2008, 03:20 AM
 
308 posts, read 514,005 times
Reputation: 99
Friends like to set their friends up....wait a minute..... friends like to ... set-up... their friends... just so they can laugh about it in the morning...

LOL... evil.. but, humorous That's why they are our friends
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Old 02-13-2008, 06:17 AM
 
13,483 posts, read 12,051,831 times
Reputation: 7683
Quote:
Originally Posted by breakingfree View Post
I was reminiscing (i.e., bringing back horrid memories) of bad dates in another thread. My friend claimed the reason for setting me up with this creepy guy was because we were both nerds in high school. HUH?!

Other friends have tried to set me up as well---one biracial friend who dates older, White men tried to hook me up with a middle-aged White man. Mind you, I'm in my 20's (as is my friend) and not middle-aged. Her reasons for his being a good catch was that he "loves showing off his money and has a temper" (who to the what now?!). I saw his photo and he looked like Mr. Clean. That was a no.

Another biracial friend likes dating middle-aged Black and minority men. She described this guy friend of hers when we were out and said he wanted to meet me. The way she described him was like Ricky Martin, but he was short, bald, old, drunken and creepy! That was also a no.

There was another friend of mine, a White girl, who was going to hook me up with a co-worker of hers. Her reasoning: because we're both Black and have dreads. How about points of view, favorite music, etc.? The only reason was because we were the same race? This blog I read did a write-up on hooking someone up on a date simply because they're the same race. It's just a shallow notion.

Are these friends trying to set people up on dates out of the goodness of their hearts, or are they just trying to instigate? With the first two female friends, they weren't putting my likes and interests in mind, they thought about what they liked and went with that. And with my other friend, she didn't look beyond the outside appearance for a match.

Like I said in the other thread, I've been single for quite a while. During this time, I realized that there are a lot of things I need to work on before I open myself up to someone else. If I ever considered blind dating again, maybe Cupid's shot would be more accurate if I had a less negative outlook on life.
I have learned over the years...people generally mean well...and people "think" if your single, You HAVE to be with someone...which never ceases to amaze me...I mean, some are so badly infected with the idea that your not successful unless your a couple act like you've got a disease if your not, or if you have no desire to be. Anyway, long story short, people in their heart of hearts mean well, but interfer to the point of sometimes making you Feel smothered...and because you think differently about the issue, they feel like something is wrong with YOU. Your fine...just keep saying no....and don't worry about what their motives are...just live your life to the fullest...it is yours and you deserve the best. Don't settle for less, just because others Think you are not happy, b/c your single. If you start saying no enough, they'll get your drift.

Creme
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Old 02-13-2008, 08:27 PM
 
353 posts, read 889,112 times
Reputation: 195
Quote:
I have learned over the years...people generally mean well...and people "think" if your single, You HAVE to be with someone...which never ceases to amaze me.
Granted, I was looking for someone at the moments when people were trying to set me up. But for crying out loud, please try to set me up with more substance involved! Sheesh.

But right now, I don't want to be set up. Let me be in peace. I'll find someone someday, and if I don't, oh well. I don't have to have someone.
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Old 02-14-2008, 05:25 PM
 
5,108 posts, read 7,656,959 times
Reputation: 3459
in theory i like the idea of friends setting me up, because I am ever optimistic about meeting wonderful people and am open to all sources....

....but in reality the people my friends come up with are so off base as to be bizzarre and strange....and it is always mutual that we can see right away that we are no way compatible even remotely. Not in a mean rude way, more like shaking our heads wondering "what were they thinking?"

the most recent one was a guy who I dated for a while, he got together with someone else, and ever since has been trying to fix me up with his guy friends, which to me is a bizarre and strange premise to begin with. The last one of his friends he tried to hook me up with did not drive a car (only a bike) lived over 2 hours away (not in a metro area, not on any kind of mass transit for accessibility), had full facial hair (which I never date guys with), drinks (the guy setting me up knows I don't, that's one of the reasons he and i split up), and doesn't dance (again, the guy setting me up knows I want to date a guy who dances or is willing to learn). Oh and he said "he's really smart an engineer and I know you like that type" when the truth is i prefer blue collar types.

He could not have come up with a LESS SUITABLE person if he had tried.
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Old 01-28-2009, 01:51 PM
 
4,838 posts, read 5,111,622 times
Reputation: 2906
Quote:
Originally Posted by firekeg View Post
Friends like to set their friends up....wait a minute..... friends like to ... set-up... their friends... just so they can laugh about it in the morning...
Friends like to set up their friend. (forget the plural) If you are on the other side of this equation, its a good time to be worried.

This typically happens to guys at work. The friend tells them that they "want to meet someone with a job this time" so where else are they going to find such a person? These people aren't YOUR friend, only co-workers. I quickly learned to stop all such requests at work. Better to get this from other venues.

I'm sure women could find the source of their frustrations with this rite in other locations.
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