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Like the other poster said, " is he even real "
You need to talk to more than just one guy at a time, you seem to put all your eggs in one basket and praying and hoping that he is the one, then get freaked out if he doesn't respond to your text within a certain time. I understand your frustration and confusion, you just got to understand guys get busy at time and are not going to keep texting you weeks at a time consistently without meeting you in person, especially the hot ones. You need to have other guys or prospects that you are talking to, don't always focus on one guy, because he might disappoint you, and make you.feel unworthy.
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Last edited by back2MD; 04-13-2016 at 02:31 AM..
Reason: Tt
So I should just not worry or think about why he just quit replying to me and I should just move on?
Yeah I haven't really met this guy yet. But I still got my hopes up because we are/were supposed to hang out. And ive been getting along with him so well that it would just be nice to actually be around him. But now I don't know what's happening.
I'll be honest, my friends think I'm really shallow because I have a specific type and I don't really go for anyone outside of what my specific type is. I know that could be a problem but I don't think every guy I've talked to who has been my type could all be the same could they? So for example I come from a military family and I only really like guys who are in it. I like tattoos and for them to just be clean cut, and have that military build. These last few guys have all been that and what I was looking for physically.
I know it sounds bad but it's not horrible to have a preference is it? These guys I've been talking to have been gorgeous, and I think that's why it's been hard for me to let go of this one, as awful as that might sound.. And I know looks aren't everything. He's actually a fun guy with a good personality, everything I had been looking for and that's why I really just wonder what happened.
I also don't know if I'm the reason why it hasnt been working out, or if it's just that type of guy and that's the reason I keep getting ghosted. Because with the guy I posted about previously, I was never pushy and I gave him space. With this guy we were having a great conversation and then he just dissappeared during the middle of it.
I do have issues of my own but I think everyone does. If I have a lowered self esteem it's because I try my best and do everything I'm supposed to do, and still get left like this. And it leaves me feeling like I'm not good enough, or what did I do. So it's hard for me to move on without knowing what happened, just because I had hope and there was a mutual understanding that we were into each other and wanted to hang out.
I'll work out my personal issues and that will come with time. I don't display any of these thoughts to him at all. I haven't even tried messaging him yet after not hearing from him. It's been 2 days now and tomorrow will make 3. I think this would drive anybody crazy because you start liking someone and then you just don't hear back from them mid conversation for no reason? Why? Everything was going great. And he's active duty military so I understand something could have happened that's why I haven't messaged him yet. We have been taking everyday.
I would love to know if someone could give me any insight as to what might be happening, why someone would just not reply to a message mid conversation with a girl they were interested in...
Is it something I should worry about imean should I assume he will get back to me? Hasn't been the case with any of the other guys but I'm just wondering if there's any hope...
You clearly do not understand psychology.
There is no "if", you do have a low self esteem. It's not because of the guys-- you're the one that's choosing to be with these crappy people because that's how low you rate yourself. Your guy "preference" actually isn't the issue; I'm willing to bet that if you went the opposite of your type, you'd still end up being ghosted/badly treated.
The thought process is evident that you have such a disconnect. But as long you're not helping yourself (as in seeking therapy), you'll always be perpetually confused and lovelorned. There's really nothing to say because you're not really ready to help yourself, you just want to spin your wheels. [I do question the quality of your friends because the advice they offered in previous threads were pure crap. Don't count on having talks with them as therapy, it's not. ]
OP, stop futzing around. Just send him a snap saying "Hey, we never did settle on a time to hang out. When are you available to meet?"
If he doesn't respond, then he's lost interest. It happens.
If he does respond, then whatever date/time he suggests, make it work.
I do suggest that you follow other's advice about getting some help with your low self-esteem. IMO, until you get your issues worked out, maintaining any romantic relationship is going to be a challenge for you. Otherwise, you'll be second guessing and breaking down at every action/inaction that may be perfectly normal in a healthy relationship. Get yourself healthy, and your relationships will start to be healthy.
How can you all tell I have low self esteem? It's been said so much in this post and the previous one, and I never directly came out and said it until someone pointed it out first.
What exactly does self esteem have to do with what's going on with this guy? I'm just trying to understand how it all goes together, when some girls have other major psychological issues and they still end up with guys.
So basically this situation really only involves me? Just trying to understand. Seems like the issue would be him. Not trying to sound dumb.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,935,179 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by kristen12
How can you all tell I have low self esteem? It's been said so much in this post and the previous one, and I never directly came out and said it until someone pointed it out first.
Your post screams it from the top of the mountains.
How can you all tell I have low self esteem? It's been said so much in this post and the previous one, and I never directly came out and said it until someone pointed it out first.
What exactly does self esteem have to do with what's going on with this guy? I'm just trying to understand how it all goes together, when some girls have other major psychological issues and they still end up with guys.
So basically this situation really only involves me? Just trying to understand. Seems like the issue would be him. Not trying to sound dumb.
You allow people to treat you poorly. Then you worry and make excuses for their bad behavior. Then you allow them to treat you poorly again.
One thing that shows it is that you aren't happy unless you are getting constant "approval" feedback from a guy.
If you had a good sense of self worth, you could see this situation for what it actually is and stop the wondering, tearing of hair and gnashing of teeth.
Somewhere along the way, probably in middle school where peer feedback begins to matter more, you stopped (or never learned how) to trust your own judgment and regulate your emotions, so now you are seeing the consequences of that.
It stops you from being able to solve problems by yourself, or to at least proceed toward a solution. Girls who can't regulate their emotions tend to either freeze from anxiety or float from one unresolved situation to the next, searching for an acceptable level of tolerance.
And yes, it is coming from the mountaintops.
You may even look like a girl who has it all together, but inside ...
How can you all tell I have low self esteem? It's been said so much in this post and the previous one, and I never directly came out and said it until someone pointed it out first.
Because self assured people don't write lengthy, obsessive posts about something insignificant.
Quote:
What exactly does self esteem have to do with what's going on with this guy? I'm just trying to understand how it all goes together, when some girls have other major psychological issues and they still end up with guys.
So basically this situation really only involves me? Just trying to understand. Seems like the issue would be him. Not trying to sound dumb.
Because someone with healthy self esteem wouldn't obsess this much about why a guy she hasn't even met yet didn't text back. It's the very fact that you think you need a boyfriend to feel validated, to feel better than "girls with major psychological issues", that makes it impossible for you to have a healthy relationship. That neediness will send most guys running. And those that stick around are not guys you want to be with as they will likely take advantage of your vulnerability.
Because someone with healthy self esteem wouldn't obsess this much about why a guy she hasn't even met yet didn't text back. It's the very fact that you think you need a boyfriend to feel validated, to feel better than "girls with major psychological issues", that makes it impossible for you to have a healthy relationship. That neediness will send most guys running. And those that stick around are not guys you want to be with as they will likely take advantage of your vulnerability.
This ^^!
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