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Old 04-13-2016, 09:36 AM
 
6,307 posts, read 7,113,697 times
Reputation: 8048

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And here's reason 702 why I'm not on Facebook.

If I understand this all correctly-- choosing "close friend" from a dropdown menu means that you secretly pine away for this person and would leave your current relationship for them if they would just say the word. Am I even remotely close? :wink:

OP, you say that you're jealous and you "can't help it". I'd suggest that you certainly can "help it", you just choose not to.

What exactly are you jealous of? If she does delete him, does that take away the issue, or will there be issues in the future if she "friends" a male co-worker, for example?

I'm not saying that she shouldn't take your feelings into consideration. What I am suggesting is that this issue might be a symptom of something bigger going on in you- something that all the "deleting" in the world won't fix. Does the fact that she's with you now, and has been for the last year and a half, mean nothing if she still keeps him as a "close friend" on Facebook? If so, why?
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Old 04-13-2016, 09:38 AM
 
Location: Southern California
25,151 posts, read 24,054,189 times
Reputation: 23489
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nahuel View Post
I just don't want my girlfriend to be fantasizing about some guy she met in Italy.
Yes, it all happened before we met but the lines of communication are still open and she does seem to be interested in this guy, whether because he posts cool pictures of his trips or whatever it is she likes about him, she is constantly seeing about this guy.
How would deleting him from FB stop her from fantasizing about him?

You can't tell another person what to think about. You can not. Period.

Forcing her to delete this guy from FB will make you feel relieved. For about two seconds. Then the next round of insecure questions will pop into your mind. Is she still secretly thinking of him...are they in contact in some other way...does she resent you for trying to control her (probably) and so on. I think you have deeper issues than simply the presence.of this guy.
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Old 04-13-2016, 09:40 AM
 
4,380 posts, read 3,418,091 times
Reputation: 4375
Facebook has a "close friends" list? Learn something new everyday.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Nahuel View Post
t shouldn't be a big deal but I don't know how to bring it up

Maybe I'm looking too much into it, but it bothers me, so I'd like to hear from you what would be the best way to approach this.
You should approach it honestly. "Honey, I've been stalking your FB page so I know you have looked up Rocky 5 times in the last 8 days. I know you have the hots for him and I don't like it so I think out of respect for me, even though I have absolutely no respect for you, you should unfriend him and never speak of him again."
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Old 04-13-2016, 09:43 AM
 
4,380 posts, read 3,418,091 times
Reputation: 4375
Quote:
Originally Posted by mishigas73 View Post
And here's reason 702 why I'm not on Facebook.
If I understand this all correctly-- choosing "close friend" from a dropdown menu means that you secretly pine away for this person and would leave your current relationship for them if they would just say the word. Am I even remotely close? :wink:
I have a friend who likes pretty much everything I post and often is the first one to do so. He must want me pretty badly.
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Old 04-13-2016, 09:51 AM
 
Location: southwestern PA
20,426 posts, read 35,606,250 times
Reputation: 38829
Quote:
Originally Posted by NWGirl74 View Post
Facebook has a "close friends" list? Learn something new everyday.
Actually is a real thing... but the OP is creating a mountain out of a molehill.

And if it wasn't facebook, it would be something else.
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Old 04-13-2016, 10:21 AM
 
6,805 posts, read 3,261,236 times
Reputation: 8481
Quote:
Originally Posted by TLS1 View Post
So you've taken up a year and a half of this girl's time without bothering to get serious and marry her (shacking up isn't getting serious), or even plan a marriage, but you want to control that she sees some other guy's posts on Facebook?

Between the serious waste of time and the controlling attitude, I would definitely dump you.
He'd probably dump you first with this attitude.
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Old 04-13-2016, 10:23 AM
 
6,805 posts, read 3,261,236 times
Reputation: 8481
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nahuel View Post

I got rid of all the girls I was talking to before I met her and I think she should do the same.
Why did you do stop talking to these girls?
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Old 04-13-2016, 10:28 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
38,776 posts, read 37,478,570 times
Reputation: 73200
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nahuel View Post
we're getting off topic here. We've been together for 1.5 years and thinking about moving in. For me, thats a big step, why? because I think she is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, so yes, marriage is definitely an option.

BUT the issue is that, simply put, I'm jealous that she is friends with someone on Facebook with whom there was flirting and plans to meet again were made, and that she actually considered those plans. It all happened before we met but the fact that she still has him on her Facebook as a Close Friend therefore constantly seeing his Facebook page bothers me and I cant help it. Also, they aren't close, they just met during a trip to Italy 4 years ago and went out for a drink once, with other people. She most likely put him in her Close Friends list back then, before me, but now that we are in a serious relationship and after I let her know that she brings him up often, I think the right thing to do is to get rid of him. It shouldn't be a big deal but I don't know how to bring it up

Maybe I'm looking too much into it, but it bothers me, so I'd like to hear from you what would be the best way to approach this. I want to ask her to get rid of him but that may be too much.
So you haven't discussed this at all yet??

Just ask her about him. Always start by asking questions so you are properly informed. She may say, "Yeah, I haven't seen him in more than 4 years but I love seeing his pix of Italy," and the crisis will be averted.

Then you are certainly free to tell her about your feelings, that you don't like feeling this way but you want to trust that she is honoring her commitment to you (such that it is) and keeping things on the up and up.

Ask her if she has feelings about the guy, or even thoughts about meeting him. Hopefully, she says something like, "Wow, I had no idea it made you feel this way. I'm sorry, and I'll stop." Another acceptable response, to me, would be for her to say, "I'm sorry it made you feel this way. You have to know you can trust me. I would block him on FB, but it's really not necessary because there are no feelings there and I really like his posts about Italy."

Or something like that.

If she freaks out or gets defensive, you two have other more serious issues to discuss.

And you seriously have to stop all the snooping and checking up. Adults are supposed to handle their problems in an honest and up-front way.

A committed relationship is not supposed to be house arrest. She should not have to cut any contact with men YOU deem threatening just because YOU are insecure.
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Old 04-13-2016, 10:31 AM
 
32,580 posts, read 22,551,961 times
Reputation: 29604
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pitt Chick View Post
Actually is a real thing... but the OP is creating a mountain out of a molehill.

And if it wasn't facebook, it would be something else.
It's a real thing, but unless he logged in to her account (which it seems like he might have) he wouldn't know they were in their close friend list.
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Old 04-13-2016, 10:34 AM
 
6,805 posts, read 3,261,236 times
Reputation: 8481
Quote:
Originally Posted by TLS1 View Post
Then what's the point of the relationship? Does he want to build a life together or does he just want easy access?

One is for grownups, the other is for adolescents.
Plenty of people build a life together either without getting married at all or after living together first and putting marriage off.

You can build a life together without getting married.
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