The ethics of multi-dating and double booking... (man, dance, advice)
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I'm just saying, if one is just looking for preferential 'genetic material' why not just skip the dating and head for the spank bank to pick what you want? Why waste years with OLD and date cancellations rather than just getting to the nitty gritty?
Apparently someone having "good sperm" is important to you. You've made at least a mental pros and cons list, and have determined that this other guy is, in your opinion, better. That you like this guy "so far" doesn't negate that.
Does this guy know that you are open to the possibility of getting to know others?
I actually do not have a list of requirements with "good sperm" on it. lol I'm not saying that's the most important thing to consider, but I don't see why it shouldn't be considered along with everything else. Since this guy and I have not discussed NOT dating other people, he shouldn't assume that I'm not open to the possibility of getting to know others, but I don't think it's something that I need to bring up to him.
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I'm not suggesting that you don't have any interest. I'm suggesting that he's now running in second place to this other guy, and I'm wondering where your ethics will come in when and if you decide to make a go of it with the other guy. How long would you keep him around?
I'm personally not a "multi-dater", but I'm also not against it- in theory. The issue comes on with me where people are not on the same page with it. That is, when expectations are not spoken about and people start hiding things.
Why are you hiding the other guy? Would this guy not be amenable to you all seeing other people while you are getting to know each other? Have you even spoken about it? Are you afraid to tell him? (This also goes back to people having feelings, btw).
Because it's none of his business. He's not my boyfriend. He doesn't even know my last name. He shouldn't be concerned about who else I might be interested in at this point. And I don't consider him in "second place" right now. I have no real reason to think that this time around with the other guy is going to be any different than the last time. I'm just willing to give it a shot.
I'm just saying, if one is just looking for preferential 'genetic material' why not just skip the dating and head for the spank bank to pick what you want? Why waste years with OLD and date cancellations rather than just getting to the nitty gritty?
I actually do not have a list of requirements with "good sperm" on it. lol I'm not saying that's the most important thing to consider, but I don't see why it shouldn't be considered along with everything else. Since this guy and I have not discussed NOT dating other people, he shouldn't assume that I'm not open to the possibility of getting to know others, but I don't think it's something that I need to bring up to him.
So, the default is to assume that people will be dating around prior to actually having a talk about being exclusive? That's one way of getting around having the conversation.
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Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar
Because it's none of his business. He's not my boyfriend. He doesn't even know my last name. He shouldn't be concerned about who else I might be interested in at this point. And I don't consider him in "second place" right now. I have no real reason to think that this time around with the other guy is going to be any different than the last time. I'm just willing to give it a shot.
So tell him that you inadvertently booked a dinner at the same time with a guy that you knew several years ago and ask if he would reschedule. Or, tell the other guy that you forgot that you already have a date and reschedule with him.
If it's not a big deal, and apparently the "default position" that you'd be seeing other people, why not just be honest and give the guy (whichever one) the option of saying yes or no?
A relationship started with someone feeling the need to cover their tracks usually doesn't end well.
And usually, the posters of CD-R would say this is a good thing; that it's too soon to be cutting off ties with others, that you should still be talking to others, that two dates is nowhere near exclusive, etc. (Before I'm reamed, I know the point is double-booking, even I said earlier she should have picked another time for the "old" guy).
What I'm wondering now, though is why you haven't told New Guy yet when you originally said you'd give him sufficient notice? Or are you still waffling on whether or not you can fit them both in on the same day?
Yes, at this point, I don't think I'll need to reschedule the day.
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Originally Posted by mishigas73
So, the default is to assume that people will be dating around prior to actually having a talk about being exclusive? That's one way of getting around having the conversation.
So tell him that you inadvertently booked a dinner at the same time with a guy that you knew several years ago and ask if he would reschedule. Or, tell the other guy that you forgot that you already have a date and reschedule with him.
If it's not a big deal, and apparently the "default position" that you'd be seeing other people, why not just be honest and give the guy (whichever one) the option of saying yes or no?
A relationship started with someone feeling the need to cover their tracks usually doesn't end well.
Just because you shouldn't assume exclusivity until you've had a discussion doesn't mean that you need to bring up other people that you're dating.
Yes, at this point, I don't think I'll need to reschedule the day.
Just because you shouldn't assume exclusivity until you've had a discussion doesn't mean that you need to bring up other people that you're dating.
I don't think this is about dating more than one person. I wouldn't do that, but that's because it would make me uncomfortable. I'm not claiming any high moral ground. I think you're fine on this count with a guy you've dated twice. You owe him nothing other than common courtesy and consideration.
Just because you shouldn't assume exclusivity until you've had a discussion doesn't mean that you need to bring up other people that you're dating.
So, let me see if I have this straight.
You mess up and "double-book". If the assumption is that one is "multi-dating", what would be the harm in telling the other person this-- "Hey, I forgot I scheduled dinner with someone else that night, can we do it another time?"
After all, you're not exclusive and the assumption apparently should be made that you're seeing other people anyway. And it's not like you're giving them the nitty-gritty of the other dates, you're just needing to re-schedule.
I don't think this is about dating more than one person. I wouldn't do that, but that's because it would make me uncomfortable. I'm not claiming any high moral ground. I think you're fine on this count with a guy you've dated twice. You owe him nothing other than common courtesy and consideration.
I don't think this is about dating more than one person. I wouldn't do that, but that's because it would make me uncomfortable. I'm not claiming any high moral ground. I think you're fine on this count with a guy you've dated twice. You owe him nothing other than common courtesy and consideration.
And that's where you're failing.
I think I've been courteous and considerate of him. I had a minor slip up. Yes, I could've handled the situation better but it's not the end of the world.
You mess up and "double-book". If the assumption is that one is "multi-dating", what would be the harm in telling the other person this-- "Hey, I forgot I scheduled dinner with someone else that night, can we do it another time?"
After all, you're not exclusive and the assumption apparently should be made that you're seeing other people anyway. And it's not like you're giving them the nitty-gritty of the other dates, you're just needing to re-schedule.
What am I missing here?
Because I didn't forget. I did it on purpose. I'm not going to lie and say that I forgot.
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