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Old 04-16-2016, 11:01 AM
 
1 posts, read 1,285 times
Reputation: 10

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My boyfriend and I has been together for couple years now. We've been living together for over a year. Everything is great and he really does love me a lot. I have no doubt about that. I also fully trust him. He is very faithful and loyal to me. There's this one thing that bothers me or I would say, my pet peeve. His female best friend that he had known for 7-8 years, doesn't seem to like me for no particular reason. That is when the suspicion starts on my end. I don't care if someone doesn't like me, but because of my boyfriend... hmmm... no.


Just a little information about them. They met when they were in high school. I have to say yes, they started as fooling around with each other. They had sex once and realized it was not working. It was never serious to him and you can't even call it dating. He doesn't even remember her "as" that they had sex before. They remained friends and they became best friends. You can tell they are close friends and ones where you've known for so long. Also like good old friends that you like to party with and have a good time. You can also tell he does care about her like a good old friend. Definitely, he has NO attraction to this person whatsoever. When he was single, he dated many other women. Before me, has been in couple serious relationships. He had his heart broken and kept on dating other women.


Before we started dating, he told me the whole story to make sure I know. He said his past exes weren't that happy with her for some reason. He always wanted his girlfriends to get along with his best friend. Since it was "SO" long ago, they were never intimate again, and he's been through couple other serious relationships, I was fine with it. I trust him. I have no problems them being best friends. Also, because my best friend is a male, I totally understand that sometimes, you can have a really good connection with someone and going beyond that, just doesn't work.


I now know why all his exes was not that happy with her Since the very first day she found out we were dating, she started disappearing. I couldn't even meet her. She keep on bailing last minute or just not showing up. From what I remember, she was suppose to attend to my boyfriend's birthday party. However, she last minute cannot make it. When I say last minute, I really mean last minute. My boyfriend thought it was weird but whatever, he didn't really look into it. Ever since that day, the "best friend" was already acting a little out of it. At that time, I didn't think much about it either. I just thought, oh, I thought they were best friends. How come she's not showing up for his birthday. That's pretty petty of her.


When we moved in together, it was more obvious. Every weekend, she would text my boyfriend to go out without inviting me. She doesn't have to invite me but, it's a little weird. We invited her and she last minute bailing/disappear and on the other hand, she invites my boyfriend without inviting me? My boyfriend never leaves me home alone on weekends so he always bring me along. Whenever he tells her that I am bringing my girlfriend, she disappears again. So actually, not once she was successful getting him out alone. At that time, I thought maybe she doesn't know how to respect the boundaries of our relationship just because she doesn't realize. But, yes, her action is a little off.


Finally, when we met, she seemed normal but really I think she was not. I tried to be more warm to her but, she's always a bit cold and not really letting me through her walls. She asked me to follow her on social media and she refused to follow me back. Yep, that is weird. I think my boyfriend was thinking that this might cause problems. She was getting on my nerves. He is oblivious and does not think because she wants him as a boyfriend. However, he thinks it's misunderstanding and me being overly sensitive . So he asked her out "alone" for a dinner to talk. And of course, she showed up. I was also curious as what she has to say. They talked and she ended up following me back on social medias. She also started to invite me in things. However, that did not last LONG at all. I felt like she did it for him just because she didn't want him to drift away from her.


She was more obvious when my boyfriend and I were in bad terms. I think she actually tried to break us up. She gave advice to him saying that I am a big "red flag". I don't seem to be a faithful person and that I am not sincere/love him as much as I seem. Whenever there is misunderstanding, she leads him being misunderstood. I think at that time, she thought she had a chance but, we were fine at the end. She even teamed up with a friend of his who doesn't like me. That guy doesn't like me because if I exist, he can't live at our house for free not because he really didn't like me. The best friend even post a bunch of photos of the 3 of them on social media and she even commented that it was the best time of her life. My boyfriend actually had to cut that friend out of his life at the end due to betrayal. Apparently, she didn't know that they he had to cut him out.


Fast forward today, I still don't really know her and it has been years. I've probably seen her a handful of times. They rarely see or talk to each other anymore. Maybe once in a blue moon she asks him out. It's not like a group of friends meeting up. She would text him or call him to hang out randomly. He went maybe once. To me, she is not respecting the relationship of our boundaries and definitely does not want me to exist. I am a little bit annoyed that my boyfriend is being oblivious. Till this day, he still does not think she's behaving this way because she might have feelings towards him. I do trust him and because of that, then he don't see the problem. He said if she ever try something, he would definitely feel awkward and he would stop her. Probably wouldn't be close friends with her anymore. He also was telling me that he couldn't care less if she has feelings for her or not because he doesn't care. If she does, too bad for her. If she doesn't, great.


What do you all think about this? Thanks for reading this long post.
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Old 04-16-2016, 11:03 AM
 
3,099 posts, read 1,719,989 times
Reputation: 3274
Going forward, if this current relationship fails, try to avoid men with female friends. Not challenging to do. Many men do not have female friends, nor do they want female friends.

I believe both sexes are best served keeping friends to the same sex.
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Old 04-16-2016, 11:19 AM
 
66 posts, read 41,646 times
Reputation: 181
I have to disagree, I get on with guys much better, and would love to have a close platonic male friend.

But back to the op. I can understand why all that would bug you, but you also mentioned that your boyfriend and his female friend are drifting apart anyway, so why not let things take their natural course?

I can also understand why it's not a big deal for him if his friend fancies him. I'm just looking from my own perspective: if I was him, I don't see why there's an issue as I am with you, I am faithful, I am upfront, what's the big deal?

Overall it sounds like your boyfriend is very laid back about it, and it may not necessarily be a bad thing.
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Old 04-16-2016, 11:41 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,047 posts, read 37,695,377 times
Reputation: 73661
I've been with guys who have territorial MALE best friends, and either way it's NOT an easy thing to deal with.

One of you will have to concede a little, but the battle will leave marks!!
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Old 07-17-2016, 09:07 PM
 
629 posts, read 598,271 times
Reputation: 938
Quote:
Originally Posted by RJ312 View Post
Going forward, if this current relationship fails, try to avoid men with female friends. Not challenging to do. Many men do not have female friends, nor do they want female friends.

I believe both sexes are best served keeping friends to the same sex.
Female friends are great for your boyfriend to have but someone who you had sex with is not a friend. She is an ex. Even if they were not dating according to the definition, they "realized it wasn't going to work" means that they were together in a romantic way. That cancels any "friendship" that they develop in the future.
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Old 07-18-2016, 08:30 AM
 
11,390 posts, read 12,660,504 times
Reputation: 12419
I read just enough for me to say, 'She needs to go.'

He remembers having sex with her! Come on!!
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Old 07-18-2016, 12:07 PM
 
Location: colorado springs, CO
3,999 posts, read 1,776,085 times
Reputation: 13794
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
I've been with guys who have territorial MALE best friends, and either way it's NOT an easy thing to deal with.

One of you will have to concede a little, but the battle will leave marks!!
No kidding; this can be the worst because they are so obvious.

Always trying to play the "Bro" card; assuming that I'm going to have a fit because they pull the

"let's go grab a beer" & then stumble in the door at 3am from the strip club?

Nah...don't leave the lights on & have fun getting peed on while "Bro" marks his territory.
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Old 07-18-2016, 12:20 PM
 
Location: Greater LA area
15,736 posts, read 11,750,377 times
Reputation: 30563
Quote:
Originally Posted by whymeaaa View Post
My boyfriend and I has been together for couple years now. We've been living together for over a year. Everything is great and he really does love me a lot. I have no doubt about that. I also fully trust him. He is very faithful and loyal to me. There's this one thing that bothers me or I would say, my pet peeve. His female best friend that he had known for 7-8 years, doesn't seem to like me for no particular reason. That is when the suspicion starts on my end. I don't care if someone doesn't like me, but because of my boyfriend... hmmm... no.


Just a little information about them. They met when they were in high school. I have to say yes, they started as fooling around with each other. They had sex once and realized it was not working. It was never serious to him and you can't even call it dating. He doesn't even remember her "as" that they had sex before. They remained friends and they became best friends. You can tell they are close friends and ones where you've known for so long. Also like good old friends that you like to party with and have a good time. You can also tell he does care about her like a good old friend. Definitely, he has NO attraction to this person whatsoever. When he was single, he dated many other women. Before me, has been in couple serious relationships. He had his heart broken and kept on dating other women.


Before we started dating, he told me the whole story to make sure I know. He said his past exes weren't that happy with her for some reason. He always wanted his girlfriends to get along with his best friend. Since it was "SO" long ago, they were never intimate again, and he's been through couple other serious relationships, I was fine with it. I trust him. I have no problems them being best friends. Also, because my best friend is a male, I totally understand that sometimes, you can have a really good connection with someone and going beyond that, just doesn't work.


I now know why all his exes was not that happy with her Since the very first day she found out we were dating, she started disappearing. I couldn't even meet her. She keep on bailing last minute or just not showing up. From what I remember, she was suppose to attend to my boyfriend's birthday party. However, she last minute cannot make it. When I say last minute, I really mean last minute. My boyfriend thought it was weird but whatever, he didn't really look into it. Ever since that day, the "best friend" was already acting a little out of it. At that time, I didn't think much about it either. I just thought, oh, I thought they were best friends. How come she's not showing up for his birthday. That's pretty petty of her.


When we moved in together, it was more obvious. Every weekend, she would text my boyfriend to go out without inviting me. She doesn't have to invite me but, it's a little weird. We invited her and she last minute bailing/disappear and on the other hand, she invites my boyfriend without inviting me? My boyfriend never leaves me home alone on weekends so he always bring me along. Whenever he tells her that I am bringing my girlfriend, she disappears again. So actually, not once she was successful getting him out alone. At that time, I thought maybe she doesn't know how to respect the boundaries of our relationship just because she doesn't realize. But, yes, her action is a little off.


Finally, when we met, she seemed normal but really I think she was not. I tried to be more warm to her but, she's always a bit cold and not really letting me through her walls. She asked me to follow her on social media and she refused to follow me back. Yep, that is weird. I think my boyfriend was thinking that this might cause problems. She was getting on my nerves. He is oblivious and does not think because she wants him as a boyfriend. However, he thinks it's misunderstanding and me being overly sensitive . So he asked her out "alone" for a dinner to talk. And of course, she showed up. I was also curious as what she has to say. They talked and she ended up following me back on social medias. She also started to invite me in things. However, that did not last LONG at all. I felt like she did it for him just because she didn't want him to drift away from her.


She was more obvious when my boyfriend and I were in bad terms. I think she actually tried to break us up. She gave advice to him saying that I am a big "red flag". I don't seem to be a faithful person and that I am not sincere/love him as much as I seem. Whenever there is misunderstanding, she leads him being misunderstood. I think at that time, she thought she had a chance but, we were fine at the end. She even teamed up with a friend of his who doesn't like me. That guy doesn't like me because if I exist, he can't live at our house for free not because he really didn't like me. The best friend even post a bunch of photos of the 3 of them on social media and she even commented that it was the best time of her life. My boyfriend actually had to cut that friend out of his life at the end due to betrayal. Apparently, she didn't know that they he had to cut him out.


Fast forward today, I still don't really know her and it has been years. I've probably seen her a handful of times. They rarely see or talk to each other anymore. Maybe once in a blue moon she asks him out. It's not like a group of friends meeting up. She would text him or call him to hang out randomly. He went maybe once. To me, she is not respecting the relationship of our boundaries and definitely does not want me to exist. I am a little bit annoyed that my boyfriend is being oblivious. Till this day, he still does not think she's behaving this way because she might have feelings towards him. I do trust him and because of that, then he don't see the problem. He said if she ever try something, he would definitely feel awkward and he would stop her. Probably wouldn't be close friends with her anymore. He also was telling me that he couldn't care less if she has feelings for her or not because he doesn't care. If she does, too bad for her. If she doesn't, great.


What do you all think about this? Thanks for reading this long post.

Yes, I think she wants him.


And I think you are doing the right thing with staying cool about it.


So are they hardly talking anymore or do they text a lot or phone calls?


I would probably have them set up a meeting again and then last minute decide to go with him and then see how she reacts once both of you show up.
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Old 07-18-2016, 01:50 PM
 
531 posts, read 232,953 times
Reputation: 904
Either you or the friend needs to go. It probably wont end well. Men and women can be friends Ive heard, Ive just never seen it.
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Old 07-18-2016, 01:55 PM
 
14,975 posts, read 8,536,771 times
Reputation: 24951
Move on.

Either him or her.

Easy.
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