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I want lots of things. I choose instead to deal with reality.
I second this.
It's pretty telling that she's not even divorced,
& eager to find another guy.....
WITH 4 kids
First priority SHOULD be the kids.....
especially for a single mom.
It never is, though is it?
All I see in this forum are the
single mothers hooking up.....
at the kids expense
Reality will hit the OP.
Plenty of guys are good for a quick screw...
It's an extreme rarity to find a guy who
wants to take on anyone
with a bunch of kids......
For long-term
IDK, I'm a big believer in finishing Chapter 1 before starting Chapter 2. I can understanding casually dating here and there, but to already have you sights set on the next potential husband and father of your next child is a bit premature, considering you haven't even filed for divorce. Why not focus on the 4 you already have, and get through your master's program? If you happen to meet someone in the meantime, great... but I can't see actively pursuing it at this point.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,957,550 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by believe007
First priority SHOULD be the kids.....
especially for a single mom.
It never is, though is it?
In real life it is. I've run into several single moms dating, and by and large they all put parenting first, and seeking relationships second or third (often behind career). But their priorities are in order, and its hard to have anything but respect for them.
Now, on this forum or daytime TV shows, that's something else. But dating someone with ONE child is difficult enough to make it work scheduling wise.
In real life it is. I've run into several single moms dating, and by and large they all put parenting first, and seeking relationships second or third (often behind career). But their priorities are in order, and its hard to have anything but respect for them.
Now, on this forum or daytime TV shows, that's something else. But dating someone with ONE child is difficult enough to make it work scheduling wise.
IRL..... I know of one single mom who had 2 boys....
She left them both home alone all the
time while she met guys off match.
She admitted she was looking for
someone to help pay her bills.
Even when she had the kids
she was on the computer.....
Making plans to go out...
She moved a guy who actually
did prison time in......she barely knew him.
The guy stole the boys savings that
they kept in their bedroom hidden-
They lost hundreds of dollars
& they were both under 10......
So I can tell many stories just like that....
& on this forum it's even worse.
I rarely see single parents putting the kids first.
IRL..... I know of one single mom who had 2 boys....
She left them both home alone all the
time while she met guys off match.
She admitted she was looking for
someone to help pay her bills.
Even when she had the kids
she was on the computer.....
Making plans to go out...
She moved a guy who actually
did prison time in......she barely knew him.
The guy stole the boys savings that
they kept in their bedroom hidden-
They lost hundreds of dollars
& they were both under 10......
So I can tell many stories just like that....
& on this forum it's even worse.
I rarely see single parents putting the kids first.
I literally plan my days around my kids schedules. Weekend activities include kid friendly fun. Which is exactly why I want a man that is happy to step into a "surrogate dad role" and put my kids first.
I myself have zero interest in dating someone that does not want to have an active role in my children and our hobbies and interests.
This time of year are weeks are filled with baseball. Almost every night. Tomorrow we are going to tea. The guy I am dating has been great with the kids and has yet to miss a baseball practice, game or opportunity to take my daughter to the batting cages. Which gave me the time to play a game of mini golf with my son, while daughter was practice hitting.
Yeah, those sounds like trashy people. I tend not to hang with that type or see them in my social circles, or even run into them online.
Ha....that was a person I met thru
my kids school years ago.....
(Back when they were little)
I never associated with her....
That behavior disgusts me
Op, I'm 28, and only a single mom of 1. I didn't do anything to rejoin the dating game. I let nature take its course and was simply receptive if I was interested in a man that was interested in me. Now I only have one, and I'm a little younger than you are, and I also want more children but between child support, the fact that I am in a career where I can support my own child, and the fact that he has a father I always made it a point to separate my son from my dating life. I never struggled with dating as a single mother-got the exact same attention and prospects and men that want to commit as I did prior to my son. However I am only a mother of one-I can't for sure say how it would be to be a mother of 4, in your age range that wants more kids to boot, and so on... The challenge of course is that there are some men not fond of single mothers, let alone a mother with several kids.
I am graduating from grad school in a few weeks. I work full time as well. I can tell you if you plan to work full time, commit to school, and rear your children--if they are elementary school age you will most likely not have the time to commit to a serious relationship anyway. Your going to be busy with work, school, and kids... On the other hand if your only going to school, and rearing the children, and aren't going to be working then you will have more time obviously to date, but how easy it will be to meet a man interested in the same things as you, within your timeframe is going to be dependent on many things... There are many women like you who go on to get remarried, have more children, and so on. It is certainly not impossible. I do think that you have a lot on your plate and that for now at least your best bet is focusing on school and your children and when you've managed to balance those things without issues, then potentially add on "dating" to the mix. Get stable first--that's my first reccomendation. My second is to be strong--your going to need strength, and determination as a single parent-and unfortunately be prepared for the onslaught of men that will make comments about not wanting to date single moms, or date you because of the number of kids you have. My third recommendation is to work on your beliefs. If you truly believe it is possible, it will be.
Good luck!
Last edited by Faith2187; 04-22-2016 at 10:23 AM..
OP, it isn't impossible to date as a divorced parent, but you need to be realistic, and examine your goals and intentions, because a lot of men, especially in their early to mid 30s, are not going to be keen on getting serious with a woman who has multiple children. Unless, that is, you have something of value to offer, as many will say.
If you're attractive, you can get dates, but most will tell you that it will be much more difficult to find a long term, high quality, partner.
What is your type, desired age range, has children or childless, etc.? I realize you're not dating now, but it's something to think about when you decide to explore the dating scene.
My experience was not typical by any stretch, even for childless women. I dated a lot. I had a pretty good experience and more success than most (there are many factors that play into this). I dated plenty as a separated mother of three (ex lived in a different state), also in school at the time, and that included separated/divorced fathers and childless men. I dated casually and had relationships. I didn't struggle for dates.
I met my current husband on OKC (woot!), which is where I met previous SOs. He was in his mid-30s, childless, never intended to get married, and though he wanted a child of his own, resigned himself to remaining single and childless. My having children did not phase him. It wasn't a red or orange flag. It didn't bother him at all. He also wasn't desperate. His last girlfriend has two kids. She wanted to get more serious and he didn't.
So, yeah, it isn't impossible, but it is wise to go in with realistic ideas and examine what it is you want and what/who you're hoping to attract.
IDK, I'm a big believer in finishing Chapter 1 before starting Chapter 2. I can understanding casually dating here and there, but to already have you sights set on the next potential husband and father of your next child is a bit premature, considering you haven't even filed for divorce. Why not focus on the 4 you already have, and get through your master's program? If you happen to meet someone in the meantime, great... but I can't see actively pursuing it at this point.
This. Op ain't started grad school yet--she's about to get some reality once it begins. If she plans to complete it and rear her four young elementary age kids, her time to date will be minimal in the beginning. That is, of course, if she is a parent that puts her children first, and is focused on her education/career. Now if she isn't one of those parents or if she's looking for a man to quickly jump into the father role soon after they date, then yes she will be able to manage a relationship. Still, she will find it difficult to invest 100% into school, kids, and relationship. Along the way one of these categories won't get her "all"... I think she should honestly get settled into her new role as a single mother of four children, and manage that. Then once she starts school, manage balancing the two and if she can do it without too much stress, perhaps during her second year of school gradually begin to date but without the immediate expectation of marriage, additional kids. Then whatever happens, happens.
Too often as soon as a woman becomes a single mother she immediately wants to rush into another relationship, and in some cases, when she is not really at her best. Sometimes these relationships work out well, other times they don't. I can't say if the op is being realistic because I don't know her expectations or what she has to offer in a relationship. If she is attractive and stable dating won't be a problem. Commitment however, depending on what she wants in a man, may be, especially with 4 children. The op should understand that 4 kids is a lot... It's a huge responsibility for one person to manage let alone inviting another person to manage it as well. Realistically it will be challenging but not impossible to meet a man that is okay with her children, would want to have more with her(hope you both make a lot op lolz) and so on. She has a lot of expectations that are pretty normal for a single thirty something woman, but for one in her situation it isn't going to be easy peasy especially if she has this specific time frame.
I wish her luck though.
Last edited by Faith2187; 04-22-2016 at 10:30 AM..
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