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Old 04-24-2016, 12:13 PM
 
Location: 🇬🇧 In jolly old London! 🇬🇧
15,675 posts, read 11,490,426 times
Reputation: 12549

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Quote:
Originally Posted by JasperJade View Post
Really. I wouldn't consider the OP entirely trustworthy, either. I don't know the husband from Adam, but one thing to consider is that sometimes those who know they are not trustworthy themselves sometimes find excuses not to trust others, even when it would seem the others are making every effort to regain trust.
Yeah I know that was aimed at the OP Jade and not the husband.

I see what you are saying but the fact that she came clean about the chatting to the other blokes I think was a huge step and personally think it would only bode well for the future as far as trust goes.
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Old 04-24-2016, 12:26 PM
 
Location: Chicago. Kind of.
2,894 posts, read 2,441,088 times
Reputation: 7984
Look, in a situation where you've been lied to and deceived, and the other person is supposedly trying to "change", I have absolutely no problem at all with full disclosure until he can rebuild your trust. That means if you want to see his phone, you look at his phone. You want to see his computer? You look. He is no longer entitled to the privacy that you gave him that he then took advantage of to deceive you. His erasing what he's been doing on his devices is an indication of deceit - and that'd be a non-starter for me.


I wish you luck, but remember - where ever you go, there you are. A new house isn't going to change who another person is, truly, inside. It's good that you're buying into it (saving the marriage, etc.) but please go into it with your eyes wide open.
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Old 04-24-2016, 12:59 PM
 
Location: between Mars and Venus
1,748 posts, read 1,291,559 times
Reputation: 2471
Do you still love your husband? How many percent are you in if FB guy did not happen?

Also, let your husband know you're not really comfortable getting intimate yet, at least not until you experienced enough trust to bond again. In case his way of trying to prove himself by being physical may repel you the more he tries.
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Old 04-24-2016, 01:16 PM
 
Location: The South
458 posts, read 328,248 times
Reputation: 389
Quote:
Originally Posted by softcrunch View Post
Do you still love your husband? How many percent are you in if FB guy did not happen?

Also, let your husband know you're not really comfortable getting intimate yet, at least not until you experienced enough trust to bond again. In case his way of trying to prove himself by being physical may repel you the more he tries.
I do love him. He has many good qualities. I'm sure for everyone that has been married past the honeymoon stage has experienced episodes of ebb and flow.

My husband has some leadership issues. I am traditional in the sense that I think the man should be the head of the house. I need/crave for a man to establish dominance. No woman has trouble following a man, if she trusts his leadership over her life.

He hasn't in the past wanted to be the decision maker. He has never wanted the responsibility. I think if he would've put his foot down on some issues, certain things wouldn't have gone on. He's laid back and has more of an anything goes type of attitude.

If I disapprove of something and he doesn't, he will act like he disapproves.

Now to answer your question about the fb guy, he has been my friend for longer than I have been married. He has what my husband lacks and my husband has what he lacks. Its a catch 22 I guess. I crave certain this about this man because I have been without the traits he has. We have always had amazing chemistry.

Knowing the position I was in, I shouldn't have fallen into the old flame trap. It always looks better than it actually is. I had on my Rose colored classes. Its hard to see the other side of something you're in the middle of. But, without this man, my feelings wouldn't have changed towards my husband. I'm 100% on that. The old flame was just a soft place to lay my head (Eg Samson & Delilah) Have to be careful of those.
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