Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 04-26-2016, 08:04 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,074 posts, read 107,051,957 times
Reputation: 115868

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
First there is no logical reason I can think of to have a boyfriend be a co signer on a loan for a home, especially one you are taking all of the credit for sacrificing along the way.
Next, talk to your husband and continue to talk to your husband about this issue until you get it resolved.
Take the cat to the vet, perhaps there is a medical reason for this behavior.
I wondered about that, too. Maybe in order to qualify for the loan, she needed to add him, for their combined income? She said she didn't make much at the time. The situation isn't clear.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 04-26-2016, 08:36 PM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
48,355 posts, read 34,476,580 times
Reputation: 73381
I lived with a cat who started marking in the house. I was constantly steam cleaning everything.... furniture, walls, carpet...

Tons of vet advice, bought everything on the market. Nothing worked. My house smelled to high heaven of nasty pee. Like a waft of cat that came to great your nose at the door.

When I moved i finally had him put down, at 16. I couldn't have him ruining another house, especially as I was moving in with my husband.

It has been about 7 years and sometimes I still get a waft of cat pee from something.
__________________
____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-26-2016, 08:53 PM
 
Location: Illinois
4,751 posts, read 5,411,309 times
Reputation: 12999
A pet should never, ever be put before a marriage, and a pet should never, ever be allowed to destroy a house.

Why is the cat allowed all over the house if it pees everywhere??? Isolate the cat in ONE room with food and water, a littler box, toys, and a place to sleep until a vet figures out what is going on. I mean honestly, why would you continue to let the cat roam?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-26-2016, 08:54 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
16,961 posts, read 17,249,230 times
Reputation: 30254
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
They have money issues. The cat is just a symptom of deeper problems.
I agree. They have several problems and cat pee is just one of them.

OP. I suggest, you resolve these problems with your husband if you want to keep your marriage. If not? keep on arguing until your marriage runs its course.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-26-2016, 08:56 PM
 
Location: Middle America
37,409 posts, read 53,309,994 times
Reputation: 53066
Quote:
Originally Posted by PA2UK View Post

However, like I say, this is obviously not actually about the cat. The OP clearly wants a reason to get divorced.
...and/or the spouse does. When there is a refusal to compromise on something that can be compromised on, there's typically something else underneath the statement being made.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-27-2016, 08:34 AM
 
Location: North Carolina
10,196 posts, read 17,760,084 times
Reputation: 13903
Quote:
Originally Posted by MoonBeam33 View Post
A pet should never, ever be put before a marriage, and a pet should never, ever be allowed to destroy a house.

Why is the cat allowed all over the house if it pees everywhere??? Isolate the cat in ONE room with food and water, a littler box, toys, and a place to sleep until a vet figures out what is going on. I mean honestly, why would you continue to let the cat roam?
Isolating a cat in one room with little to no human contact is neglectful and cruel. It's not much different than keeping them in a cage, which experts have established is abusive in the long run as it causes depression.

We took in my aunts cat after she died but we already had a cat - the two did not get along, the new cat was bullying our original cat. So as a temporary measure, we put the new cat in a room by herself. We tried to go in there from time to time throughout the day but it was clear it was not enough. The poor cat was DESPERATE for human contact - she would literally cling to our legs when we got up to leave. And this from a cat that was previously aloof and not very affectionate. It was very sad to see and I felt awful for doing it. Fortunately, my brother took her in and she was his only pet so she was happy after that. She was only in the room for a few weeks, but God, I still feel awful when I think about what it did to her.

That kind of neglect and stress will only cause more anxiety, which will likely only make the peeing worse. You clearly know nothing about the well being of animals if you think otherwise - I hope to God you don't have any pets.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-27-2016, 09:03 AM
 
2,659 posts, read 2,071,450 times
Reputation: 3677
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
How long have you two been married? It sounds like you're very different people, with different values in some key areas. One wonders how this marriage happened in the first place.

Honestly, divorce is probably the right choice for you two. But if you're the one making the housepayments, you could lose a share of the house in a divorce settlement. Get yourself a good lawyer.


P.S. Not being on the same page money-wise, in terms of spending styles and savings goals, is one of the two biggest reasons for divorce. It sounds like you two never were on the same page.

Great advice. Don't try to compromise or solve a problem and just divorce. People need to marry their clones.


If you still love and care for your husband then my advice would be to find a compromise. This is not rocket science. Several workable compromises were offered in this thread. I never had cats but can't you just kick it outside and buy a small outdoor shelter for this cat?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-27-2016, 10:36 AM
 
Location: Chicago. Kind of.
2,894 posts, read 2,431,829 times
Reputation: 7984
Well I learned a valuable lesson - quote the entire OP in my OWN post before the OP goes and edits the daylights out of it. Nice hatchet job you did, OP. And you can forget anything I said in response - it OBVIOUSLY doesn't apply now.


Never again.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-27-2016, 10:40 AM
 
Location: Middle America
37,409 posts, read 53,309,994 times
Reputation: 53066
Quote:
Originally Posted by PA2UK View Post
Isolating a cat in one room with little to no human contact is neglectful and cruel. It's not much different than keeping them in a cage, which experts have established is abusive in the long run as it causes depression.

We took in my aunts cat after she died but we already had a cat - the two did not get along, the new cat was bullying our original cat. So as a temporary measure, we put the new cat in a room by herself. We tried to go in there from time to time throughout the day but it was clear it was not enough. The poor cat was DESPERATE for human contact - she would literally cling to our legs when we got up to leave. And this from a cat that was previously aloof and not very affectionate. It was very sad to see and I felt awful for doing it. Fortunately, my brother took her in and she was his only pet so she was happy after that. She was only in the room for a few weeks, but God, I still feel awful when I think about what it did to her.

That kind of neglect and stress will only cause more anxiety, which will likely only make the peeing worse. You clearly know nothing about the well being of animals if you think otherwise - I hope to God you don't have any pets.
You have to limit the access and boundaries of pets who exhibit destructive behavior, though, at least while you identify and address the root of the behavior. Allowing free access to continue the behavior only reinforces it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-27-2016, 11:03 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,074 posts, read 107,051,957 times
Reputation: 115868
Quote:
Originally Posted by DefiantNJ View Post
Great advice. Don't try to compromise or solve a problem and just divorce. People need to marry their clones.


If you still love and care for your husband then my advice would be to find a compromise. This is not rocket science. Several workable compromises were offered in this thread. I never had cats but can't you just kick it outside and buy a small outdoor shelter for this cat?
The problem is, it's not about the cats. The difficult cat could be gone, but the marriage would still be in trouble. The OP could suggest marriage counseling to her hubs, if she wants to save the marriage.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top