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She is no spring chicken. You're one of her last chances of having a kid, if not her last chance. She would have broken up with you immediately when you said you need a pre-nup if it wasn't for her age.
$200K is nothing when you're talking about a life commitment such as marriage.
OP, you still haven't answered questions about your and her comparative money-management styles. If she's spendy, you two won't get along in the end. If she lives paycheck to paycheck, she probably isn't saving anything for retirement. You would have to provide her retirement fund and vacation money. Are you ok with that? Is she ok with the idea of allowing most of your earnings to go into long-term savings, without much discretionary income left over for month-to-month, shopping, etc.? Have you two discussed these matters? Have you considered how much it would cost to raise a child or two, and how that would affect your long-term savings goals for yourself and her?
Well her last boyfriend and her owned a business together, or she signed a contract of sorts. When she left him, and business, she ended up being sucked dry, and had to pay debts in it. I'm no civil law expert, so I do not know how it all works, but that is why she is drained of money.
Her parents are also old, and in ill health and she paid some of their medical bills before.
OP, have you done your research to understand whether, in your state, a pre-nup is needed to protect the assets you currently have? Generally in most states, assets brought into the marriage are not divisible anyway. So your 200K, and/or ownership of a business, and/or ownership of a house on your own prior to the marriage are yours if the marriage were not to last a couple years down the line.
In some states, the length of the marriage can have an affect on this, but we are talking about a situation when many, many years have passed. Whether a prenup would really protect you here, is another question altogether.
If anything, it sounds like a prenup in this situation would be a greater necessity if you wanted to protect business or property earnings and/or growth after the marriage (as earnings while married are generally divisible). Yet, that does not fully seem to be your angle.
The best advise is to seek legal counseling by an attorney to review your assets, whether the law already has you protected, and whether you would need further protection from a pre-nup or not in your situation and in the jurisdiction in which you reside. After getting a clear and professional review of your situation, you may find your rocking the boat of your relationship for no good reason... if standing law already has you protected.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,930,903 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RamenAddict
No, it's not a lot of paranoia. The issue comes in when it comes to deciding what constitutes a "pre-marital asset" and what is an asset that is earned during the marriage. Just because one spouse bought a house prior to marriage doesn't mean that the other spouse isn't entitled to some interest in the home if he or she has put money/sweat equity into the upkeep, taxes, insurance over the course of a decade+ marriage. This is particularly the case if the home doubles or triples in value over that time.
Certainly if I were a person marrying a person who already has a home, this might be something I would want to discuss prior to marriage and put into a prenup so I know how my spouse feels about my interest in the home when we get married. I have just as much a right to get an attorney as he does and ensure that my interests are protected should my spouse's pre-marriage assets gain value because of actions I've taken on their behalf.
FWIW, most people I know had pretty contentious divorces. It's certainly not "exceedingly uncommon," particularly when child custody and a family home is involved.
You don't need a pre nup to have a discussion.
It is uncommon. If most people you know even had a divorce, that's very uncommon. It's about 2% of all first marriages that ever end up in a divorce court. That's not a lot.
One guy I know who has a pre-nup, is arranged so his business will remain separate from the marriage, so I thought it was possible.
I will tell her that I will speak to an attorney to see what the options are, and she is welcome to come to, so we can discuss options for both of us. Is that fair to her?
One guy I know who has a pre-nup, is arranged so his business will remain separate from the marriage, so I thought it was possible.
I will tell her that I will speak to an attorney to see what the options are, and she is welcome to come to, so we can discuss options for both of us. Is that fair to her?
Ha ha.... on that table, it will be you and your attorney against her. Your attorney, paid by you, has the fiduciary to you and you only. He/she is going to look out for your interest only, at the expense of your girlfriend.
Want it to be fair? Give her the attorney money, and let her pick and make an appointment with an attorney who either represents her or both of you.
One guy I know who has a pre-nup, is arranged so his business will remain separate from the marriage, so I thought it was possible.
I will tell her that I will speak to an attorney to see what the options are, and she is welcome to come to, so we can discuss options for both of us. Is that fair to her?
Like I said before, stop basing major life decisions on what strangers on the Internet tell you! Do your own research so you can make an informed decision & seek professional help.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,930,903 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by ironpony
One guy I know who has a pre-nup, is arranged so his business will remain separate from the marriage, so I thought it was possible.
I will tell her that I will speak to an attorney to see what the options are, and she is welcome to come to, so we can discuss options for both of us. Is that fair to her?
See, that might make sense, especially if it is a family business.
The insurance analogies has (in my opinion) one significant flaw. We buy insurance as a means to prevent unexpected disasters from drastically changing our lives in a negative way. Homeowner's insurance is generally to restore the home to its previous state prior to major damage. Likewise with car insurance, health insurance, etc. It may not be a perfect restoration, but in general it serves that purpose. In sum, these insurance policies are meant to as-best-possible restore things to the way they were. A pre-nup may restore the financial situation to what it was prior to marriage, but it does nothing to revert substantial changes that marriage effected on your and the other person's life -- whether emotionally or physically (e.g. bearing children, etc).
You just demonstrated how the insurance analogies are identical with respect to the financial protection, The pre-nup is to protect against an unexpected disaster (wife leaves you and files for divorce) and restore your financial state to what it was before. Introducing emotions is a red herring. Insurance cannot do that either.
BTW, the purpose of the analogies was not to demonstrate how a pre-nup is like an insurance policy in making you whole, but to demonstrate that contingency planning is prudent and does not indicate that you are expecting such event to happen. It was in response that some believe a pre-nup means he doesn't have faith that the marriage will last.
Last edited by oceangaia; 04-29-2016 at 07:51 AM..
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