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I'm sorry, Liberty - but obviously your Google search is not as reliable as what he has heard from others. Obviously, if she lives with him for 3 months, she will be entitled to half of everything he owns. Obviously.
lol! When I read his post about that supposed law, I thought he must be living in China or Indonesia, or something. Turns out it's Canada! Good grief! OP, if you believe nonsense like those rumors you've heard, you need more help than anyone here can possibly give you. You're not ready for marriage. You've been given very good advice here from quite a few people, but you ignore it. This discussion should be over at this point.
We are not technically not married yet but we have talked about getting married often. I was going to propose to her this weekend actually, and she new it, cause I hinted that I was going to, rather obviously. But she brought up whether or not I would ask for a pre-nup if we got married. I considered it on my own, and was going to bring it up later on in the engagement, but she brought it now.
She became very upset and started throwing up even when I said yes, I wanted one. She said that if she were to marry me with a pre-nup signed, she would not have children with me cause there is no way she would bring children into that type of marriage.
I talked about it with my closest woman friend and she said that if she were in my gf's position, she would not sign one, because if a man asks a woman to sign one, it shows me has questionable intentions.
Was this a jerk move on my part? It's just my gf doesn't have any money hardly. She lives from paycheck to paycheck and has 50 dollars only in her bank account right now. Where as I have enough money to buy a house, which I am looking for right now. So with this current situation, I thought it would be best to say yes to one, just in case.
Is that wrong or negative of me? She says I have till next month to withdraw the pre-nup request, or she will break up with me, cause it's not worth continuing therefore. Or if she marries me, she will definitely not have kids, she says as a result of it. What do you think?
Yeah. I mean, if this were your second marriage and you had family assets to protect for the children from the first marriage and you were some famous celebrity, then possibly. Emphasis on possibly.
But if you're just some ordinary schlub getting married for the first time, then you screwed up.
Here's the thing. Marriage is an all-or-nothing proposition, a partnership. You put everything you have into the marriage to make it work and grow. Emotionally. Intellectually. Financially. Instead, what you're doing is telling her that you're already keeping an eye on the exits, looking for the best possible deal to get out with your money intact. Yikes.
Personally, I think pre-nups are weak cheese. Marry the right person to begin with for all the right reasons and actually build a life together and it's the last thing you have to worry about.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,718,665 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223
Yeah. I mean, if this were your second marriage and you had family assets to protect for the children from the first marriage and you were some famous celebrity, then possibly. Emphasis on possibly.
But if you're just some ordinary schlub getting married for the first time, then you screwed up.
Here's the thing. Marriage is an all-or-nothing proposition, a partnership. You put everything you have into the marriage to make it work and grow. Emotionally. Intellectually. Financially. Instead, what you're doing is telling her that you're already keeping an eye on the exits, looking for the best possible deal to get out with your money intact. Yikes.
Personally, I think pre-nups are weak cheese. Marry the right person to begin with for all the right reasons and actually build a life together and it's the last thing you have to worry about.
To the people saying "marry the right person." There is no stone cold guarantee the right person today will stay the right person. My mother is finding that lesson out today the hard way with her divorce. Dude showed his true colors and they some ugly colors. Put some money on the line, you'll find out about someone, please believe.
I think you have to consider the business aspect before you get married, especially if you have considerable assets.
To the people saying "marry the right person." There is no stone cold guarantee the right person today will stay the right person. My mother is finding that lesson out today the hard way with her divorce. Dude showed his true colors and they some ugly colors. Put some money on the line, you'll find out about someone, please believe.
I think you have to consider the business aspect before you get married, especially if you have considerable assets.
There's no guarantee at all. Of course not.
But there's a big deal between entering a marriage with your eyes open and entering into a marriage already looking for the escape route. And, truthfully, that's why I always say that people should pay far more attention to who they're going to marry in what they do than what they say. Because, way too often, people don't change in a marriage for the worst. They just finally reveal their core personality. Yet if you are a careful observer you'll see those issues before saying I Do.
What's more, an important thing that people forget is that a marriage is a living thing that has to be tended over time. You've heard the saying that you cannot step into the same river twice, right? In the same way, your marriage will be different five minutes from now than it is right now.
For the accumulated weight of what you've said and what you've done color the marriage's outlook on an ongoing basis. It is constantly evolving. And yet there are people who, over time, blithely plant themselves on the couch to watch ESPN or Lifetime Channel night after night, slowly putting distance between themselves and their spouse.
So the best way to safeguard your money is to stay alert before the marriage and keep it strong during the marriage.
But there's a big deal between entering a marriage with your eyes open and entering into a marriage already looking for the escape route. And, truthfully, that's why I always say that people should pay far more attention to who they're going to marry in what they do than what they say. Because, way too often, people don't change in a marriage for the worst. They just finally reveal their core personality. Yet if you are a careful observer you'll see those issues before saying I Do.
You can do both - marry the right person and make prudent financial decisions beforehand. You can use your head and follow your heart. Making contingency plans for the unthinkable does not mean you want or expect it to ever happen. A pre-nup isn't about your plans for an exit but preparing for events you cannot control. You can get to know the person as well as anyone can, tend to your marriage with all the care in the world, but you can only control yourself. People change, cheat, fall out of love, every day in a significant number of marriages. Only a fool would believe it could never happen to them.
Why is it ok to financially plan for the exit of your partner due to accident or illness but not due to their unilateral decision to leave?
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oceangaia
You can do both - marry the right person and make prudent financial decisions beforehand. You can use your head and follow your heart. Making contingency plans for the unthinkable does not mean you want or expect it to ever happen. A pre-nup isn't about your plans for an exit but preparing for events you cannot control. You can get to know the person as well as anyone can, tend to your marriage with all the care in the world, but you can only control yourself. People change, cheat, fall out of love, every day in a significant number of marriages. Only a fool would believe it could never happen to them.
Why is it ok to financially plan for the exit of your partner due to accident or illness but not due to their unilateral decision to leave?
Exactly. No pre-nip means the division of your assets would be at the mercy of the state and not the couple. Would you want the state to determine what is right for the two of you? I take one look at my state Virginia and the answer is hell no.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Originally Posted by The Dissenter
Exactly. No pre-nip means the division of your assets would be at the mercy of the state and not the couple. Would you want the state to determine what is right for the two of you? I take one look at my state Virginia and the answer is hell no.
I have no idea why you think this, I don't know a single divorced couple that had the state decide their splitting of assets. It's very uncommon.
But there's a big deal between entering a marriage with your eyes open and entering into a marriage already looking for the escape route. And, truthfully, that's why I always say that people should pay far more attention to who they're going to marry in what they do than what they say. Because, way too often, people don't change in a marriage for the worst. They just finally reveal their core personality. Yet if you are a careful observer you'll see those issues before saying I Do.
I said as much in the other pre-nup thread. I said marry an honorable adult, that person will remain an honorable adult in the event of a divorce, and the way to see if someone is an honorable adult is to assess them very carefully and objectively in their interactions with other people. The signs of materialism, greed, pettiness, vindictiveness, and so on will be there in everything from how they treat servers in restaurants to how they behave in frustrating situations like calling a customer service line to how they handle conflict and disagreement over the settling of an estate. A few people got royally bent about it, but it's true. Only a master sociopath can truly hide what they are long enough to get married and stay married long enough to stake a claim to some assets, and when they do, they usually choose a victim that has GULLIBLE stamped across their foreheads.
But, you know, people want to live in denial. They love someone, they want someone, so they don't see the signs. If your gut tells you that you have to protect yourself from someone, that's a sign you need to go ahead and protect yourself from someone: By leaving.
I have no idea why you think this, I don't know a single divorced couple that had the state decide their splitting of assets. It's very uncommon.
That's because judges order couples to attend mediation and they usually settle because the state is prepared to settle it for them if they don't. So if they can reach an agreement during the divorce process which is typically a stressful process and often unamicable, why can't they simply do this beforehand when they are amicable and loving?
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