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I just want her to do the little things that girlfriends do, you know? Make plans for us every once in a while, text me when she gets up in the morning cause she's thinking of me, be spontaneous, tell me she's bored so she wants me to come over.. not just wait for me to do everything all the time. I don't expect her to be all lovey dovey and all over me all the time, I just want her to do this little things every now and then, like even once a month or so... sometimes is thesmall things that say a lot and put a smile on your face.
She's very agreeable to what I say and we have a great time together, but if I were to stop I fear she won't do much about it. She will be sad and crushed but I don't think she will put up a fight so when I think long term I worry that she won't fight for us when times are difficult
Not all girlfriends or wives do the things you have listed because our men know we love them without waking up to find a text in the morning. Mr. CSD and I have been married for almost 10 years and we don't text daily or even talk daily some times. It depends on where he is traveling (yes, without me), what zone he is in, what is going on that day, etc. etc.
He feels no insecurity at all but also does not have the need for me to *show* him how I feel, he already knows.
You both continue to miss the point. That's not who she is.
How people express love is very personal and intrinsic to their personalities. If you want someone who is going to text you when she first wakes up, go date someone who will text you when she first wakes up. Personally, I think that's a petty thing to complain about.
And egotistical. Sorry, but no, as Fluffy said, can't a woman just wake up and get ready for work in peace? And hey, she might NOT be thinking of you in the morning. For a lot of people, men AND women, the morning is a mad dash to shower, get dressed, and get out the door. My buddies and I used to talk about this, actually. It's like, "Dude, I haven't even had caffeine yet and you're up in my face wanting attention? Get over yourself."
If that's not who she is then OP should find someone that way then.
There's nothing wrong with that.
But forcing someone to be something they are truly not is very wrong.
The OP does not want to date women like how you describe so let him be.
Tell her what you want in terms of the little things you need from a relationship. Be specific. Ask her how she feels about doing these things. Ask her if she would be willing to try. If she says she wants to do this, then work with her over time to develop these kinds of habits. If her answer is no, then end the relationship because it will never meet your needs.
OP, I think what you're feeling is perfectly reasonable. My only suggestion is to have a frank discussion with her about your needs and her needs, and ways to compromise so you are both happy and have a better understanding of one another. Good luck!
She is #1, then any family members #2-6, close friends #7-12 and then you......................................#23
I use this as a graph compared to my last marriage where I was #15 in regards to the wives children and grand children when it came down to importance.......needless to say I fled the scene eventually.
At her age something is amiss from the past that has not showed it's ugly head yet......time will tell.
Yeah, sure. Until she starts crying to you because Sephora doesn't have her favorite color of eye shadow, every time her car makes a funny noise she calls you up in a panic, and she starts expecting you to pay her rent.
Neediness is never attractive. Only a co-dependent would find it so.
Sure it is psychology in itself states that people have a desire to feel needed, especially men in regards to their S.O. If I was dating a cold fish that never initiated anything or wasn't intimate verbally, and things like that I would be really unhappy. If I'm ever dating someone again before I die of loneliness and old age (long shot) I would always be there for them and listen to their whining.
Last edited by wanderlust76; 04-28-2016 at 12:09 PM..
I'm not trying to change who she is, but if she loves me she should put in some effort and not just expect me to do everything
Okay, so talk to her and tell her your needs and get it worked out with her. If she does not know or completely understand your position she cannot attempt to make a change if she chooses to.
You are however trying to change who she is with the highlighted words above^^^^^.
It is obvious she does show emotions/affection like you do and for you to require her to is not fair to her.
yeah the thing is I've talked to her about it before, I've said to her that I'd like to see her show more affection, so I don't wanna do it again because I feel like I'm begging
I haven't read all the replies but you are not ever going to get the validation you need from her. People are not going to change their nature significantly. You need to decide if you can deal it over the long term or find someone more compatible.
I'm not trying to change who she is, but if she loves me she should put in some effort and not just expect me to do everything
If you want particular things in a relationship, find someone who will give them to you.
It's really that simple.
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