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Looks like the OP is more into the girl than vice versa, never a good thing.
I think her last message is basically giving the OP the hint that she's not really into him and doesn't want to give him mixed signals. That is, she doesn't want him to think she likes him just because she went on a date with him and they text/chat, etc. That's about as clear an explanation as one will get in these types of situation.
It is my opinion that the OP misinterpreted the lady's body language and cues before asking her out.
It is also my opinion that in general, one should never be second guessing or be confused about genuine feelings of mutual attraction and love. If one has to question such things within their own lives, or ask the opinions of others, that is already a losing battle in my opinion. What I'm saying is, if two people really like/love each other, they will know.
I have been on dates with women before and it's clear which women were genuinely interested in me and which weren't. The ones that liked me didn't turn silent and cold during the date, and they certainly didn't try to run away when I gave them a kiss and a hug.
So to summarize, I feel the OP misinterpreted the lady's body language and cues and thought she liked him. The first group 'date' should have been a cue, but the second date most definitely showed that she just wasn't into him with the way she wouldn't interact with him and tried to run away from a hug.
My 'advice' would be to let this go in terms of unnecessarily texting her or trying to ask her out again and force the issue with her (which the OP seems to agree in not trying to contact her). It is awkward since I assume they work together in some capacity or in the same workplace. If she truly did like him in the way the OP wants her to like him, then perhaps when some time has passed, she'll be ready to date for real. She should be the one that suggests this, not the OP.
The above is probably right and I appreciate it. The main reason I seeked advice on this was because I've never been in this situation I didn't know what to make of it.
Thanks for the feedback. First off, I don't plan on reaching out to her anymore. That's clearly the best thing to do. Also, the only reason I didn't ask what she meant specifically about the mixed signals comment was because I didn't want to come off as insecure or hellbent on figuring her out (even though I am LOL). I know she's been through a lot (divorce, custody battles, etc) so im assuming if her guard is up the last thing that would be benificial is to overflow her with questions.
This is the old "must appear cool and disinterested at all times" thing. SHE may be sending mixed messages, but so are YOU! When both people play this game it impossible for anything real to develop. Both of you need to grow up, figure out what you really want, and then go on to date different people.
I agree with others saying you need to make your intentions very clear from the outset. When you do this, it puts the ball in her court and it's up to her what happens next. I would recommend moving on based on what you said. In my experience women who are interested in you that way make their intentions clear very early and don't give mixed signals or play games.
That's fine. I respect your opinion. But in what way am I sending mixed signals? Just because I'm not calling and texting 100 times a day I'm not showing I'm interested?
Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63
This is the old "must appear cool and disinterested at all times" thing. SHE may be sending mixed messages, but so are YOU! When both people play this game it impossible for anything real to develop. Both of you need to grow up, figure out what you really want, and then go on to date different people.
I assumed my intentions were clear by asking her out. There is also a thing called coming on too strong. Again, I appreciate this feedback, but I don't exactly agree with pouring my heart out from the get go when j haven't even had a real chance to build rapport and attraction. Also, and I could be completely wrong, but I don't think she ever intended to play games. It may have came off that way to an extent, but the aloofness came from a place of disinterest or uncertainy of me or willingness to take something serious.
Quote:
Originally Posted by david0966
I agree with others saying you need to make your intentions very clear from the outset. When you do this, it puts the ball in her court and it's up to her what happens next. I would recommend moving on based on what you said. In my experience women who are interested in you that way make their intentions clear very early and don't give mixed signals or play games.
I assumed my intentions were clear by asking her out. There is also a thing called coming on too strong. Again, I appreciate this feedback, but I don't exactly agree with pouring my heart out from the get go when j haven't even had a real chance to build rapport and attraction. Also, and I could be completely wrong, but I don't think she ever intended to play games. It may have came off that way to an extent, but the aloofness came from a place of disinterest or uncertainy of me or willingness to take something serious.
I have to disagree with some of the other poster's opinions in that you need to explicitly state your intentions to this lady. That's overkill at this point and not necessary at all in light of her text that she didn't want to give you mixed signals (i.e., shes just not that into you, at least not at this moment).
As you state, you already let her know your intentions by asking her out. Twice.
And on the second date, you tried to hug her (and give her other signals that you were interested in her I assume).
The proof that she knows you like her is, again, her text that she didn't want to give you mixed signals.
Not all things in life need repeated clarification.
Texting her or trying to set up a meeting with her to tell her how you feel about her, your intentions, etc., is totally unnecessary and can make things even more awkward and can get messy real fast. You already came onto her (hugging, etc.), so the ball was already in her court long ago.
You already know this, but don't mention anything further about this to her. Don't ask if she likes you, don't ask if you think there's something between you, etc. etc. I assume you still work with her, so keep it cool and chill like before, because you said in those everyday normal interactions, she seems perfectly at ease and fine. Since you still like her, continue to monitor the situation and react accordingly. If she eventually gives you stronger body signals and signs she likes you, AND she is the one that wants to go out with you or starts asking intimate questions, then, again, act accordingly.
^again, thanks. I seem to echo your thoughts on this as well. I seem to be getting different definitions of what exactly a mixed signal is. And surely when one says "I'm not trying to give you mixed signals" I was even more confused as to if that was a positive or negative thing in my favor. Like, just because I'm appearing uneasy and distant, doesn't mean I'm not appreciative of your advances or find you appealing. Or, which seems to be the most likely, I didn't want you to get the idea I was into you because I accepted your invitations.
Thanks. You're right. The last thing I sent her was you may be in a position where you struggle to open up or let your guard down around the opposite sex given what you've been through and I just wanted to let you know that I understand even though I'm in the outside looking in.
LOL @ the guy struggling to open up telling her that she struggles to open up.
Her actions isn't exactly giving me a platform to be myself, to be fair. And most men, regardless of confidence levels, tend have a sense of vulnerability.
Strong men let their vulnerability show. You have to be strong to do this.
Weak, insecure men cannot handle the discomfort of being vulnerable.
Strong men generally do better both in life and in relationships.
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