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^^^^Why does he need therapy??
I don't agree.
He needs to figure out a way to
balance it-
His own time & their time.
I used to joke when I was
married that I'd be fine if we bought a building & we were neighbors.....
It would have been perfect-
Enjoy time together then send him on his way
Why does he need to live a separate, parallel life with his wife??
He could use therapy to help find that balance and to quell unrealistic expectations and self-centered desires.
^^^^Why does he need therapy??
I don't agree.
He needs to figure out a way to
balance it-
His own time & their time.
I used to joke when I was
married that I'd be fine if we bought a building & we were neighbors.....
It would have been perfect-
Enjoy time together then send him on his way
I wouldn't say he needs it.
But if he finds that communicating his needs well to his wife isn't something he's able to do (don't know if he's tried or not, so this is conjecture and a hypothetical), marriage counseling can be a useful resource in getting some assistance in improving that (so can individual counseling). People seem to equate counseling with something you only resort to in cases of extreme dysfunction, when it's actually very useful to get guidance on problem areas before they blow up in the extreme. It's kind of like going to the doctor to treat a virus before it develops into full-blown pneumonia.
Lots of people are able to map their own path and figure out the best way to meet their relationship needs on their own. Others benefit from an outside, neutral perspective to help them reframe their perspective and more clearly identify their needs and expectations, as well as how to effectively communicate them.
So, while I wouldn't say counseling is needed, it may indeed be useful, depending on his individual situation. If you muddle along and nothing ever changes, a fresh perspective can be useful.
Why does he need to live a separate, parallel life with his wife??
He could use therapy to help find that balance and to quell unrealistic expectations and self-centered desires.
I agree. I got the sense that the OP is frustrated, mostly with himself, but still open to a fix for this. He didn't really say as much, but he did list a lot of positives. So I think talking to a counselor would be a good idea for at least 2 reasons.
First, the OP seems to have a somewhat naïve idea of what marriage is "supposed" to be. It's not that marriage is either drudgery or all sweetness and light. It's a bit of both (like life in general) but with a whole lot of "meh" between the extremes. In happy marriages, the couple finds ways to enjoy the meh times. Talking some of that through with a 3rd party could be helpful.
Then second, negotiating some alone time, or perhaps acknowledging the current alone time might be aided by a 3rd party. Based on the time they were already spending together, it sounds like the OP resents the idea of his independence being reduced as much or more than any actual reduction, because there wasn't much of a reduction. Counselor stuff again.
Why does he need to live a separate, parallel life with his wife??
He could use therapy to help find that balance and to quell unrealistic expectations and self-centered desires.
I still disagree-
No therapy is necessary.
From my perspective-
I felt smothered.
I don't know the OP.....
But honestly marriage is overrated.
It's definitely not for the faint hearted.....
Especially for independent introverts
I still disagree-
No therapy is necessary.
From my perspective-
I felt smothered.
I don't know the OP.....
But honestly marriage is overrated.
It's definitely not for the faint hearted.....
Especially for independent introverts
You know your situation and it may be relevant to the OP. Your deal was kind of extreme though. If you married at 16 to a man who was considerably older, I really doubt he had your best interests at heart. You were way to young to get married or really to be with one guy in a serious relationship, so wanting a "do over" makes total sense. The OP seems a bit ill prepared for marriage but he also seems to like most things about his wife, and describes her as a good match for him. He may conclude that marriage is smothering for him, but a few therapy sessions could give him a more certain outlook one way or the other.
First, the OP seems to have a somewhat naïve idea of what marriage is "supposed" to be. It's not that marriage is either drudgery or all sweetness and light. It's a bit of both (like life in general) but with a whole lot of "meh" between the extremes. In happy marriages, the couple finds ways to enjoy the meh times. Talking some of that through with a 3rd party could be helpful.
I think this is accurate.
People need to realize that sometimes (lots of times?) life is just life, and there's mundane crap, stress, drudgery that's just an inherent embedded part. Being married, being in a really good marriage, etc. doesn't change that. It does make some of that more bearable, though. Even if you're going through a particularly mundane patch, for many, it's nice to at least be going through that patch with somebody you love and care about and have fun with anyway. Going through the banal stuff as a team makes the banal stuff not so annoying.
You know your situation and it may be relevant to the OP. Your deal was kind of extreme though. If you married at 16 to a man who was considerably older, I really doubt he had your best interests at heart. You were way to young to get married or really to be with one guy in a serious relationship, so wanting a "do over" makes total sense. The OP seems a bit ill prepared for marriage but he also seems to like most things about his wife, and describes her as a good match for him. He may conclude that marriage is smothering for him, but a few therapy sessions could give him a more certain outlook one way or the other.
Agreed. I think that that particular poster is projecting personal experience onto a situation that doesn't necessarily sound analagous to hers.
I still disagree-
No therapy is necessary.
From my perspective-
I felt smothered.
I don't know the OP.....
But honestly marriage is overrated.
It's definitely not for the faint hearted.....
Especially for independent introverts
Sorry you feel that way. Your situation is not universal. **shrug**
Sorry you feel that way. Your situation is not universal. **shrug**
And for every person who finds speaking with a counselor to be smothering, there are likely equal numbers, if not more, who find it to be a source of relief to be heard and not judged.
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