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You are remembering some details about my life correctly, but that is not "why I sought counseling."
My situation is similar because of the time period in which I also began feeling like I had made a mistake as well ... 18 months.
The OP has apparently done what a lot of people do: Got married with some unrealistic expectations. The positives he listed are worth fighting for, but he never mentioned love. He has to decide if he loves her and wants to be with her.
HE could just give it all up for the perception of greener grass, or he could choose the painful path of infidelity like me. Fortunately I found a great therapist that helped me, and my husband, understand how our marriage could work and thrive. There are other options. Only he knows what he really wants.
^^^^ That's owning it!!! Yes. I love that you were brave enough to accept responsibility and make the appropriate changes. Looks like some people just want to throw shade your way, but the real take away is how responded and how you help others with your life experience.
If you need x amount of alone time each day, pick up a hobby that's yours and yours alone. Communicate that need. My husband is not hugely introverted, but he did live alone for two decades before we met, and he got used to his morning routine of sitting quietly in the mornings, waking up slowly and reading quietly with his morning coffee. When he and I got together, I didn't understand this and would happily chatter at him while making breakfast, etc., but once I learned that it was pretty essential to his peace of mind, we established a routine where we each do our own thing for an hour or so in the morning, so he can get that much-needed centering time to start his day.
This sounds familiar! My husband and I moved in together (before we got married) when we were 43 and 44. Neither of us had been married or lived with anyone before so we were both VERY independent, used to living alone, and at least a little set in our ways. I consider us both introverts, though I'm a very outgoing introvert. I work from home, so I get my alone time during the day. He works in an office and gets no alone time. A few weeks ago he told me I chatter a lot first thing in the morning (I'm a morning person) and right when he gets home from work (when I'm ready to talk to someone other than the dog). Ha! So I've tried to tone it down. He gets up about 30 minutes before I do so that at least gives him some wake-up time before I come out and start chatting away.
This past Christmas, I gave him a coupon book and instead of filling it with the typical coupons for sex acts, etc. I made coupons for a weekend to himself, an evening to himself etc (with some coupons for time together as well). So far he hasn't used any of the coupons, though I have proactively done a couple of solo weekends away, so that gives him some needed "me" time.
^^^^ That's owning it!!! Yes. I love that you were brave enough to accept responsibility and make the appropriate changes. Looks like some people just want to throw shade your way, but the real take away is how responded and how you help others with your life experience.
Thanks for your encouragement.
I didn't take it as shade. Jasper is a smart person, and context always matters. As you know, marriage is complicated, and so many circumstances apply.
Sorry you feel that way. Your situation is not universal. **shrug**
Signed,
Independent Introvert married 25 years
Hahaha.....
So says the cheater-
Your situation is not universal.
I never cheated even tho I had many opportunities.....
The fact that you excuse cheating is very telling.
Hahaha.....
So says the cheater-
Your situation is not universal.
I never cheated even tho I had many opportunities.....
The fact that you excuse cheating is very telling.
Thanks Jasper, for nailing it.
That's "reformed cheater," thank you very much!
I've learned from and grown as a person after my negative experiences. This kind of reply from you indicates that you have not.
I didn't take it as shade. Jasper is a smart person, and context always matters. As you know, marriage is complicated, and so many circumstances apply.
She is indeed. I misinterpreted her. My apologies. I'm learning alot from you ladies. Much of what the OP has stated is relevant to me as well.
You're responsible for helping to find the balance between yourself and your wife - hopefully something she's also okay with. You can't just be quiet in your own corner and expect things to get better.
^^^ This is critical to the health of your marriage.
Hahaha.....
So says the cheater-
Your situation is not universal.
I never cheated even tho I had many opportunities.....
The fact that you excuse cheating is very telling.
Thanks Jasper, for nailing it.
Just because someone was vulnerable to cheating once upon time and has taken the steps to correct themselves does not mean that they deserve to be persecuted. She is not continuing to do the wrong thing dear.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,935,179 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hotbloodedwoman
Just because someone was vulnerable to cheating once upon time and has taken the steps to correct themselves does not mean that they deserve to be persecuted. She is not continuing to do the wrong thing dear.
It also doesn't mean they don't have a happy or healthy marriage.
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