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I need some advice. When my boyfriend used to live on his own he was far more independent than he is now. About a year ago we decided to live with my parents (so we can save money) and move forward with our relationship, got engaged, and eventually get married.
However, my boyfriend does not follow the “rules” of my parents’ house. I keep telling him to clean up after himself, and ask my parents before he invites people over, because it’s not my house, and they are just doing us a favor by allowing us to stay here so we can save money. So we need to respect that.
The other issue is that he spends his money like crazy. I am currently in school and I work in retail part-time (so I don’t make a lot of money) I keep telling him that we need to set a weekly budget or monthly budget because we can’t just buy everything we like. How are we going to move out and live on our own? We usually end up fighting because his attitude is “Don’t worry about it”, but I am getting annoyed because I do worry about it. My parents are not rich, neither am I, I am getting annoyed of repeating myself to him because he acts like he is 18 and it’s not fair to me or to my parents. Any advice?
Your boyfriend is an idiot. Dump him. Because it's not going to get any better.
We have been living together for a while. I love him. I am scared to lose him, even though I know he is not responsible enough to save his money, and most importantly I am afraid that if I tell him to break him I won't know how to deal with it. I'm scared I might do something stupid.
You're scared to lose him??? What exactly do you think you'd be losing????
Im always amazed at women who settle for selfish idiots as partners. And then think they will change them.
Complete your education. Get your career established. Then meet someone like-minded and get into a long-term relationship. Then think about reproducing.
The OP has violated the order of these activities. At 28, she is growing and broadening her horizons. She has clearly picked a man-child who is incompatible with all of that. The best thing the OP can do is kick the guy to the curb and get back on track to focus on education and then a career.
We have been living together for a while. I love him. I am scared to lose him, even though I know he is not responsible enough to save his money, and most importantly I am afraid that if I tell him to break him I won't know how to deal with it. I'm scared I might do something stupid.
You're selfishly involving others to fill something inside you without putting the proper effort forward to obtain it and then getting upset when you want results that you NEVER had to begin with.
You're getting what you're giving.
Seek a therapist to work in "you"
What you said in this post isn't rational or healthy.
We have been living together for a while. I love him. I am scared to lose him, even though I know he is not responsible enough to save his money, and most importantly I am afraid that if I tell him to break him I won't know how to deal with it. I'm scared I might do something stupid.
What are some examples of the "stupid" things you are afraid you might do?
We have been living together for a while. I love him. I am scared to lose him, even though I know he is not responsible enough to save his money, and most importantly I am afraid that if I tell him to break him I won't know how to deal with it. I'm scared I might do something stupid.
I hope the stupid thing you're scared of doing doesn't involve hurting yourself over someone like this if you break up. The advice here is quite clear across the board. If you say you love him and not open to leaving him, then be prepared for an unhappy marriage because that is what it will likely be. I will tell you from experience that incompatible views concerning finances kills a relationship. It was a great part of what killed my 10-year long-term relationship. And he really didn't have any other major problems like your significant other appears to have.
I'm sorry you fell in love with someone who doesn't have much going for him. It probably would be to your happiness in the long-term to break off with him now. But if you can't bring yourself to do it, then you'll have to live with unhappiness in your relationship; because you're not going to change him and after marriage, the problems that you're dealing with now only get worse.
Most of the time, love fades in a relationship. I don't know how long you've been together but at some point, 5 or 10 years down the road, the feeling of needing him to be there with you will not be there any longer. You say you want to get married. Are marriage vows something you believe is for life or just until you stop feeling like you love the person? I would definitely not marry him if you don't take marriage seriously because it is almost certain that at some point in the future (with this catastrophic of a set-up) that you are going to resent him, and you're just setting yourself up for divorce. So you really need to mature up quickly and realize what you're getting yourself into.
Last edited by Basiliximab; 06-03-2016 at 08:33 PM..
Ask yourself this: what exactly do you love about this man? What are his qualities that are worth loving?
Is he hard-working, trustworthy, honest, dedicated, respectful, responsible etc. etc.?
It sounds like a whole bunch of No to me. What traits do you love about him? If you cannot come up with a list massive enough to counter all the horrible things you share here, dump him asap. Letting him disrespect and USE you and your parents is the only stupid thing here.... or misguided at least.
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