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I guess we were as realistic and prepared as a couple of 22 year olds can be, lol. Seriously though, we get on just fine, in spite of the obstacles. The only thing I could think of that we should have done differently was maybe be a little less responsible; we all of those pre-kid years to take trips and blow our disposable income, but instead we just worked and saved, worked and saved... and it'll be a loooong time before we can do anything reckless again.
I guess we were as realistic and prepared as a couple of 22 year olds can be, lol. Seriously though, we get on just fine, in spite of the obstacles. The only thing I could think of that we should have done differently was maybe be a little less responsible; we all of those pre-kid years to take trips and blow our disposable income, but instead we just worked and saved, worked and saved... and it'll be a loooong time before we can do anything reckless again.
Not at all. Not even when my first husband and I married really young. Though at the time marriage meant something different to me than it does now. I certainly didn't go in expecting rainbows and sunshine 24/7. I had observed the struggles and challenges of dysfunctional relationships, even with my still-married relatives, for years, so I tried to be mindful of these dynamics. I always say that I lucked out with my first husband with our being pretty compatible across many areas throughout a good portion of the marriage (10 years). We experienced a number of things that most never go through, and we handled them pretty well (he was away for military training missions, schools and deployments, etc. for over 4.5 years of the marriage). We got along pretty well, but certain events led to soul-searching and growing apart and wanting different things. (I was his first everything)
It was an amicable split. We're better as friends than life partners.
I did not "luck" out with my husband. I had high standards for compatibility, which my first marriage played into (my exH and H would get along pretty well if exH lived closer). The things that worked really well in my first marriage were things that were priority when my search became more serious overtime. So, yeah, my husband and I are amazingly compatible that it doesn't feel like "work."
And having spent a number of years in a previous marriage, I was plenty privy to the ups and downs that come with life/married life, so there wasn't an issue of going in with blinders on.
Although I've only been married once, I was previously in several long-term relationships that were very effective at helping me to learn what things were priorities and were critical to either have or not have in a relationship. Had I NOT had those relationships, I may have waltzed into a marriage not knowing those things.
Yes and no. I would go through periods of dating or trying to date -- then, if a relationship fizzled or I wasn't having much luck dating, I would take some time to myself for a while (months on end). I think those times to yourself are really important in terms of getting to know yourself and what you want. Without that knowledge, it's difficult to find success in a relationship.
Not at all. Not even when my first husband and I married really young. Though at the time marriage meant something different to me than it does now. I certainly didn't go in expecting rainbows and sunshine 24/7. I had observed the struggles and challenges of dysfunctional relationships, even with my still-married relatives, for years, so I tried to be mindful of these dynamics. I always say that I lucked out with my first husband with our being pretty compatible across many areas throughout a good portion of the marriage (10 years). We experienced a number of things that most never go through, and we handled them pretty well (he was away for military training missions, schools and deployments, etc. for over 4.5 years of the marriage). We got along pretty well, but certain events led to soul-searching and growing apart and wanting different things. (I was his first everything)
It was an amicable split. We're better as friends than life partners.
I did not "luck" out with my husband. I had high standards for compatibility, which my first marriage played into (my exH and H would get along pretty well if exH lived closer). The things that worked really well in my first marriage were things that were priority when my search became more serious overtime. So, yeah, my husband and I are amazingly compatible that it doesn't feel like "work."
And having spent a number of years in a previous marriage, I was plenty privy to the ups and downs that come with life/married life, so there wasn't an issue of going in with blinders on.
I love how you said you had high standards for compatibility!! My therapist told me that my husband and I were incompatible emotionally and intellectually. Next time around, I will certainly be more weary about not making the same mistake twice!!!
For those of you that have married, did you enter into your blissful union with unrealistic expectations? What did you learn? What would you change?
#married@21
#married11yrs
Did I ever. I was only 21, and so dumb that it had never even occurred to me to ask what "marriage" meant to him. I mean, my concept of what makes a good marriage is obviously a universally recognized constant, right?
For those of you that have married, did you enter into your blissful union with unrealistic expectations? What did you learn? What would you change?
#married@21
#married11yrs
Married @ 23
Married 34 years and still going...
What did I learn? It takes a whole lot of compromise mostly on the wife side I also learned to focus on what parts are good. And you can't "change" someone--not that I tried to, but love is blind and often when you date one seems to have blinders on, when you say "I do" the blinders fall off. I learned that it is good to have a spouse that allows you to be yourself.
What would I change? I expected a few other things, but in the end I have a spouse that would do practically anything for me, has provided a home and a good salary to take care of his family. We probably should have tried to stay more connected. It changes every year, so who knows what is to come.
Unrealistic expectations? maybe, I thought we would be best friends forever. Jobs/work/interests change with time sometimes. There are different Seasons in marriages.
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I also learned to focus on what parts are good. And you can't "change" someone--not that I tried to, but love is blind and often when you date one seems to have blinders on, when you say "I do" the blinders fall off. I learned that it is good to have a spouse that allows you to be yourself. 
I expected a few other things, but in the end I have a spouse that would do practically anything for me, has provided a home and a good salary to take care of his family. We probably should have tried to stay more connected. It changes every year, so who knows what is to come. 
