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Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,718,665 times
Reputation: 41376
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Metaphysique
Never once have I thought you'd tell a woman you're not attracted to that she's ugly. I've turned down a lot of men due to lack of attraction. They may have not been "ugly," but the fact still stands, I wasn't attracted to them. So what. I never divulged this, however, and anyone who would is an asshat.
Thank you. Finally someone gives me some credit. People here think I'm a total monster. Sheesh!
You don't know it, but that doesn't make it more acceptable for another to say it. Not in any way. That's like a little kid crying "but you weren't supposed to know that!" and thinking that excuses an action. It does not.
And I see relatively little rudeness here, I see lots of tough love, which is needed.
That is kind of whacky. There are things that I think or maybe tell my DH that I would never SAY to someone. I think it reflects poorly on DISS that he thinks of people in terms of being "ugly rejects". (Reject products are thrown in the garbage.) But it is by no means mean or bullying behavior.
Bitter and disillusioned in your 20s, I get it. There is still time to learn and room to grow, and by early-mid 30s, it's time to do some serious introspection. But late 30s to 40s+, that's some serious "get your **** together and seek counseling," because it's not healthy, for anyone.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,935,179 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew
That is kind of whacky. There are things that I think or maybe tell my DH that I would never SAY to someone. I think it reflects poorly on DISS that he thinks of people in terms of being "ugly rejects". (Reject products are thrown in the garbage.) But it is by no means mean or bullying behavior.
I don't think it is any more acceptable to call someone an ugly reject behind their back, than to their face. At least the person that does it to their face isn't a coward. They're a jerk, but openly being a jerk. The person doing it behind their back is both a coward, and a jerk.
That is kind of whacky. There are things that I think or maybe tell my DH that I would never SAY to someone. I think it reflects poorly on DISS that he thinks of people in terms of being "ugly rejects". (Reject products are thrown in the garbage.) But it is by no means mean or bullying behavior.
I do think "rejects" comes off harsh. I've often used the term "undesirables" when I make reference to my OLD experience and having to screen and weed people out. I use it in context of character, attitude, compatibility, mindset, but not looks. If I wasn't attracted, I wasn't attracted. I didn't feel the need to categorize them or regard them in a different, negative, way.
I don't think it is any more acceptable to call someone an ugly reject behind their back, than to their face. At least the person that does it to their face isn't a coward. They're a jerk, but openly being a jerk. The person doing it behind their back is both a coward, and a jerk.
I cannot agree with that. Someone who shares mean thoughts with someone isn't a coward. They are mean without regard to the others feelings. Regard for another's feelings is more important than being a courageous jerk. The notion that anyone every HASN'T had negative thoughts about someone else is nuts. So in Diss' defense, I will cop to mine. Whenever I see giant parents letting their giant kids drink 2L bottles of soda, yes I think that they are crappy parents and it is a shame that the kid was born to such undisciplined louts. Would it be "courageous" of me to tell them that? Or uselessly mean?
I do think "rejects" comes off harsh. I've often used the term "undesirables" when I make reference to my OLD experience and having to screen and weed people out. I use it in context of character, attitude, compatibility, mindset, but not looks. If I wasn't attracted, I wasn't attracted. I didn't feel the need to categorize them or regard them in a different, negative, way.
You know what is funny? I don't see the term as problematic as the label or the point of view. You say if YOU weren't attracted, YOU weren't attracted. His language repeatedly categorizes the OTHER; ugly, reject, undesirable rather than saying that HE does not desire them. There is a difference that language makes when people are understanding one's underlying attitudes.
A lot of the single Bitter Boys are in their late 20s, 30s and some 40s.
And us married folk are, what, mostly 40s, and some 50s? I'm in my early 30s.
This.
I am NOT seeing just college guys, or even guys in their mid to late 20s, doing this bitterness thing. In fact, MANY of the bitter will claim that when they were in their 20s women thought they were invisible, now in their 30s or 40s they are beating the women off with giant sticks in terror because after all, ALL women want a criminal when they're young and "a beta" to "use" (to have kids with that might not even be his) once they're "old (30) and fat and on Welfare and have four kids with three different ex-cons" and blah blah blaaaaaah. Ergo...looking back from now being in one's 30s, 40s or even older.
Nope. Definitely not just college kids who rant and manosphere and all that stuff.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,935,179 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew
I cannot agree with that. Someone who shares mean thoughts with someone isn't a coward. They are mean without regard to the others feelings. Regard for another's feelings is more important than being a courageous jerk. The notion that anyone every HASN'T had negative thoughts about someone else is nuts. So in Diss' defense, I will cop to mine. Whenever I see giant parents letting their giant kids drink 2L bottles of soda, yes I think that they are crappy parents and it is a shame that the kid was born to such undisciplined louts. Would it be "courageous" of me to tell them that? Or uselessly mean?
That's for you to decide. But I certainly wouldn't be leaning over to my friend and saying "OMG, they're crappy parents" or going to a board and complaining about the "crappy parents" I saw. That's the difference. Negative thoughts is one thing, saying those thoughts behind someone's back is something else. If I'm concerned for their feelings, which I agree one should be, don't say these things at all. Its mean to be said, whether they hear it or someone else hears it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew
You know what is funny? I don't see the term as problematic as the label or the point of view. You say if YOU weren't attracted, YOU weren't attracted. His language repeatedly categorizes the OTHER; ugly, reject, undesirable rather than saying that HE does not desire them. There is a difference that language makes when people are understanding one's underlying attitudes.
This I agree with. It's completely different to say "I was not attracted to _____" than it is to say "_____ is not attractive". Those aren't the same statements.
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