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Old 05-13-2016, 06:44 PM
 
1 posts, read 1,536 times
Reputation: 10

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My girlfriend and I have been dating for 6 months and we had been really good friends a year and a half before we started dating (I developed a crush on her a month or two into meeting her.) She's the type of girl who gets close to anyone easily, even guys. So of course, she has a lot of guy friends, and I'm fine with that. She had one friend in particular that she was really close with, let's call him Simon. She used to talk about him all the time and say how he was so smart and tall and blah blah blah (this was when I had newly met her.) It would happen so often that she would randomly bring him up in conversations not pertaining to him at all. One time we were talking on Facebook about what our future apartment would look like (this was about a year and a half in, when she realized she had feelings for me too) and she randomly said how lonely I'd be when she would leave me to go to Norway to see Simon. See what I mean? Conversation has nothing to do with him but somehow he pops up. Anyway, fast forward to now. I was visiting her on my time off between classes and we were watching a show together on her laptop. Her Skype was open and sure enough, Simon's chat was open. She randomly turns to me and says, "Hey, it wouldn't upset you if I told Simon I miss him, right?" And I was just annoyed. Annoyed because I was seeing her after a week and I just really wanted to watch this show with her, but she brought him up again. So I said no and went back to our show. She left to go to the bathroom and while I was putting on another episode, her Skype popped up with a message from Simon. Out of curiosity, I read a little bit of the chat (because after all, I was wondering why she would randomly ask me that question. And we usually go on each other's phones because we have nothing to hide.) Basically, he was leaving on a trip to go to another country and she was all, "Be safe " "I miss you." "-hugs-" "I love you to bits." And that last one was the part that stung because that's what she says to me to show her love for me. I don't know how she think relationships work or how friends come into play in a relationship, but you do not tell another guy the same thing you tell your S.O.and expect me to be okay with it. And you could easily remove his face and put my face there in the chat and it would seem like she's talking to me, because those are the exact things she says to me.
Any of you guys think she should stop? Do you think I'm wrong or right to feel this way?
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Old 05-13-2016, 07:06 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,903 posts, read 42,504,417 times
Reputation: 84789
Quote:
Originally Posted by hsntrk29 View Post
My girlfriend and I have been dating for 6 months and we had been really good friends a year and a half before we started dating (I developed a crush on her a month or two into meeting her.) She's the type of girl who gets close to anyone easily, even guys. So of course, she has a lot of guy friends, and I'm fine with that. She had one friend in particular that she was really close with, let's call him Simon. She used to talk about him all the time and say how he was so smart and tall and blah blah blah (this was when I had newly met her.) It would happen so often that she would randomly bring him up in conversations not pertaining to him at all. One time we were talking on Facebook about what our future apartment would look like (this was about a year and a half in, when she realized she had feelings for me too) and she randomly said how lonely I'd be when she would leave me to go to Norway to see Simon. See what I mean? Conversation has nothing to do with him but somehow he pops up. Anyway, fast forward to now. I was visiting her on my time off between classes and we were watching a show together on her laptop. Her Skype was open and sure enough, Simon's chat was open. She randomly turns to me and says, "Hey, it wouldn't upset you if I told Simon I miss him, right?" And I was just annoyed. Annoyed because I was seeing her after a week and I just really wanted to watch this show with her, but she brought him up again. So I said no and went back to our show. She left to go to the bathroom and while I was putting on another episode, her Skype popped up with a message from Simon. Out of curiosity, I read a little bit of the chat (because after all, I was wondering why she would randomly ask me that question. And we usually go on each other's phones because we have nothing to hide.) Basically, he was leaving on a trip to go to another country and she was all, "Be safe " "I miss you." "-hugs-" "I love you to bits." And that last one was the part that stung because that's what she says to me to show her love for me. I don't know how she think relationships work or how friends come into play in a relationship, but you do not tell another guy the same thing you tell your S.O.and expect me to be okay with it. And you could easily remove his face and put my face there in the chat and it would seem like she's talking to me, because those are the exact things she says to me.
Any of you guys think she should stop? Do you think I'm wrong or right to feel this way?
1) Your feelings can't be "right or wrong." They just are what they are. You can't help what you feel.

2) The moment she asked you if it would upset you if she talked to him, you should have spoken up.

Successful relationships are those in which both partners trust each other and communicate. You can either speak up about your feelings or get over it.

Whether or not she should stop is a moot point because it is who she is, as you noted in the second sentence.
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Old 05-13-2016, 07:06 PM
 
Location: The High Seas
7,378 posts, read 13,425,940 times
Reputation: 11714
Could be an affectation.
At any rate, it's better than "I love your bits".
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Old 05-13-2016, 07:47 PM
 
Location: Denver and Boston
1,701 posts, read 1,553,702 times
Reputation: 3469
Quote:
Originally Posted by hsntrk29 View Post
Any of you guys think she should stop?
Obviously it bothers you. It would bother me. So I would say she should stop.

She will probably not stop though because she knows you will not leave her and will continue to put up with her.
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Old 05-13-2016, 07:59 PM
 
449 posts, read 554,398 times
Reputation: 517
Dump her. You obviously don't trust her. Move on. You're welcome.
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Old 05-13-2016, 09:00 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
79,276 posts, read 71,501,611 times
Reputation: 77544
Ask her what's the deal with Simon. Tell her you look forward to quality time with her, but somehow, bizarrely and incongruently, he pops up or she mentions him when you two are sharing some close moments together. If, instead of answering the question, she comes back with "are you jealous" or something of that nature, just say no, but you're curious, because half the time, when you're feeling close to her and feel like you're bonding over something, suddenly -- there's Simon. Stay calm, be matter-of-fact about it.

I don't think she's fully committed to the relationship or dateship with you. But the next time there's a weird "Simon" interruption, just tell her that the moment you two are sharing is important to you, and no, it's not ok if Simon interrupts it. There's nothing urgent about these messages, so there's no reason she can't communicate with him later. You could just say, "it's not appropriate right now" to talk to him.
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Old 05-13-2016, 09:54 PM
 
Location: in your dreams
10,890 posts, read 13,645,581 times
Reputation: 15351
"I love you to bits" sounds like something you'd say in a weird voice to your dog or a pet bird or something. Lol. . . That's not something I'd say to a man; not romantically..
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Old 05-13-2016, 10:09 PM
 
Location: Northern Wisconsin
8,997 posts, read 7,829,068 times
Reputation: 15526
Danger Will Robinson, Danger.
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Old 05-13-2016, 10:16 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas
3,595 posts, read 5,800,648 times
Reputation: 4273
If it bothers you get out.

Either it meant nothing to her and yet it still
threatens you OR I did mean something and it justifiably is bothering you.

Either way this will not work.

If she's just a silly girl she'll always probably remain that way towards other guys. She will need to be with someone this doesn't bother.

If she's into this other guy then obviously that's a problem too.
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Old 05-14-2016, 12:42 AM
 
Location: Southern California
15,087 posts, read 17,658,784 times
Reputation: 10300
Quote:
Originally Posted by hsntrk29 View Post
Should my girlfriend be telling another guy, "I love you to bits"?
Why not. It's harmless. And, after all:

Quote:
Originally Posted by hsntrk29 View Post
...she has a lot of guy friends, and I'm fine with that. ...

...
[yes?]
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